I just heard that Brian Glazer is producing a Stretch Armstrong movie.

Provided this isn't a hoax, I'm happy beyond belief. I got a Stretch Armstrong for Christmas as a child and made the mistake of taking him to the outdoor ice-skating rink across the street from my South Dakota home.

For those of you not familiar with Stretch, he's made of rubber and filled with jelly. For those of you not familiar with rubber, the warmer it gets, the more it stretches.

Twenty degrees in the dead of a Midwest winter is not warm, so when a couple of my friends grabbed Stretch's legs and started skating in circles, trying to use their centrifugal force to stretch him out, he split in two and, for reasons I will never, ever understand, Hasbro decided to make his jelly innards red. Needless to say, as a nine-year-old, watching my Stretch Armstrong's crimson guts ooze out across the ice had a lasting (negative) impact.

I'm hoping this movie will grant me closure.