Some of the most difficult pieces to work with in your life are those deep, primal and ancient messages of inferiority, not knowing, disconnect and displacement. Such can be the childhood remnants remaining in a woman’s psychic background, playing at times subtly like an old phonograph record, at other times blasting at high volume. Serving to undermine creativity, vibrant energy, fertile ideas. Holding one back from creating our life work, from finding fulfillment within. Causing a turning away from taking on the difficult: serving the environment, animal life, offering our authentic selves to the larger human community. Ideas arising quickly dissipate, squelched by fear and voices of doubt, frustrated by stagnation. Predators of the psyche, Clarissa Pinkola Estes names them. Fantastic idea? – quick – present a reason why it can’t work. Unique approach to an existing problem? Fast – allow in the gremlins of self-doubt, shouting loudly. Fantasize and envision a better future for wildlife? On comes discursive dialogue bringing judgment, rejection, adversity, quickly replacing vision. Serving to hold us back, confusing the process and robbing us of clarity. Many women I know are not lacking in life vision – we often know where our passions and interests lie – but we fail to connect with our own sense of empowerment. Anima mundi – that soul spark, offering, through each thing in its visible form, in the words of James Hillman – must be allowed to arise.
In a process of allowing anima mundi to arise and play itself through, we must find ways to shift the energy. We must answer the call beckoning us to become more enlivened, to feel consistently empowered on an internal level, absent outside support. Can we find the inner confidence, strength and determination dwelling deep within our basic awareness? Can we know, at our heart’s level, that we can proceed with our life work absent outside approval? Can we cultivate intuition, awareness, cultivate our passions, feed our interests, care for our sensitivity, and develop our own internal parenting? Can we deepen connection with those of like mind, of joined hearts, with whom we meet in life?
Answers to these questions lie in our own futures, the ones before us awaiting.
Obstacles cloud my vision, obfuscate my own work: Skepticism, self-doubt, lack of internal parenting. And yet, reliability on the self I have come to know are also present: for me, a woman with whom self-parenting and self-reliance became a familiar story at the young age of five. An otherwise confident, self-directed woman, always speaking of truth and living with a clarity of vision, strength of voice reside deep within, I temper my life with grace. Awareness and mindfulness live there too. Accentuated with an ease in the mountains in which I thrive, comfort in the wilderness caressing my heart, I walk in the experience with nature and know this new work: to allow the fears to be brought along on this journey -- of the unknown – of what lies beyond – and most importantly, the fear of failure. What could be worse than having a vision and leaving it unfulfilled? Thus the tragedy of a creative life unrealized. Thus, my soul – my own anima mundi -- motivates me to look deeper, into the time unfolding and the sacred experience inviting me closer in, to have an intimate look at the texture and contents of this life I call my own.