When my daughter entered junior high school I suddenly became a much stupider man.

I’ve been told that when she reaches the age of thirty I’ll become a little smarter again.

But for now, I’m a step behind Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.

Our conversations, like her once cherished Sea Monkeys, have evolved overnight. She used to love listening to me when we played “Ask Daddy Anything.” Now I listen to her explain why me growing up in the 60’s lobotomizes my ability to understand her.

She’s also became a bona fide double x chromosome carrier in the blink of an eye.

I think the genetic differences between men and women have been tragically downplayed. A guy eating lobster prepared by another guy asks, “Where’d you get the lobster?” The answer? “From Tony’s Fish Market.”

If my (hypothetical) significant other cooks the same lobster and I ask her where she bought it, she’ll respond with, “Why?”

I understand her question comes from a loving motive to please. But I have no hidden agenda. I just want to know where I can buy the shellfish. When she asks “why” suddenly the whole thing becomes a game of Clue.

My daughter has become a tiny woman. And we have these kinds of discussions all the time now because I’m even more dimwitted and obtuse than before.

I’ll tell her she looks gorgeous without makeup - especially when she’s questioning her appearance. I have nothing against make up or anyone wearing it. I just think she, and all women, look really beautiful without it. But saying that does not help my case. It only gives my daughter the opportunity to accuse me of being a closet member of the Amish sect.

Since that door is closed I try going through a window to make the same point. “You know sweetheart women have been sold a bill of goods. People make a killing selling you gals makeup by convincing you you’re not perfectly lovely without it.”

She turns to me and says, “Thanks for calling me stupid dad.”

My daughter is a great kid. She’s brilliant and a voice of reason with her friends. She’s made some phenomenal decisions thus far in her short life.

Problem is she became even smarter right around the time I became stupider.

I just found out that unless breakfast is lip gloss friendly it doesn’t qualify as the most important meal of the day.

I was unaware that guys no longer ask girls to dance at school functions. Everybody just dances and the boys kinda mosey up alongside the girl they want to dance with. Sounds to me like another way guys avoid the heavy lifting. But that’s my Amish values talking.

Extra virgin olive oil is no longer just for cooking. It removes eye makeup. I’ll try to remember that the next time I decide look like Jared Leto or when I’m wondering why my hand suddenly turned black after pouring olive oil in the skillet to sauté mushrooms.

Recently my daughter said, “When I was little you were super strict. But now I get why. It’s like the story you used to tell me about the tree”

When she was a child I showed my daughter an old twisted tree and a young sapling. I asked her which one would be easier to bend and make straight. She answered “the young one” and I had my chance to explain why there were more rules about “right and wrong” for her as a little child than there would be when she was older and needed to learn to make decisions for herself.

“You were strict because I was like the little tree. The rules helped get me ready to think for myself now.”

I smiled and told her I was really proud of who she’s becoming. And secretly I was hoping I will be that smart again. Soon.