Tiger professed love for each and every one of his mistresses, just as he now professes love for Elin today. When he told all of these other women that he loved them and that they could be together forever, told Elin and the world the same, why should anyone - his former mistresses, any of us, and most especially Elin - believe him?
But I want to focus on something else here, other than his lying and the fact that declarations of love from Tiger mean zilch: his misogyny.
I did a Google search today for “Tiger Woods” and “misogyny” thinking that I would find quite a bit. All of two articles came up. I find that remarkable. But perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. As a culture that now worships celebrity, subjecting one of the biggest of celebrities to a genuine, substantial criticism that cuts to the heart of his oppression of women, maybe that’s too much to ask.
Most of the media coverage about Woods has been about his infidelity, the fact that all of his mistresses have been white, and his alleged sex addiction. The latter is a condition that I don’t believe even exists. When the most recent text messages were released the other day, some people have noted about them that Woods liked “rough sex.”
I’d say that it’s more than that. I’d call it misogyny.
Joslyn James, who, according to her, had a three-year affair with Woods, including two pregnancies by him, has so far released some 100 text messages between them, with more to come. Here is an excerpt:
Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009: ¨Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat
Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009: ¨You are my fucking whore
Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009: ¨Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own
Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009: ¨Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise
Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009: ¨Where do you want to be bitten
Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:¨Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine
On March 25 Joslyn was interviewed on two radio shows and on WEEI with Jonn Dennis and Gerry Callahan in which she told them that the sex got rougher at times than the text messages indicated. As described at Entertainment and Showbiz: “the sex-addict golfer wrote he wanted to spank slap bit[e] and choke her, even throw her around.”
It has also been reported previously that Tiger frequented Scores, a topless club. According to the manager, Tiger would come in and play the innocent cub to strip clubs. Of course, he kept doing this over and over. Somehow he managed to remain the wide-eyed innocent through all of the repeated exposures to women being degraded in the club.
Any man who frequents strip clubs is no lover and respecter of women - obviously.
His so-called apology on February 19, 2010, complete with long, faked, pauses to show how much he meant what he was saying, has to be one of the most insincere apologies I have ever witnessed, and we are living in an age in which insincere apologies have become unfortunately routine. This week Tiger allowed an ESPN reporter to ask him any questions he wanted, as long as it lasted only five minutes. Sounds like the behavior of someone who really wants to show how contrite he is and make amends, doesn’t it?
I used to think that Tiger was one of the most amazing athletes I had ever seen. I didn’t care for his ducking any political issues, such as his refusal to use his clout to get Augusta National to change their retrograde attitude towards women, but I had no idea what a creep he was. Now it has come out, some of it at least, and yet the obvious fact of his misogyny is not even hardly being discussed.
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I don't think he hates them.
People have all kinds of fantasies and fetishes etc...
When the woman answers his texts... it looks as if she might be enjoying the talk as well ;)
Yes sir... May I have another?
Amanda: I think Tiger loves women the way Casanova loved them, which is not at all. I wouldn't call his violent fantasies, some of which he apparently acted out, fetishes. I'd call them women hating.
His public persona was squeaky clean. And then you have the athlete environment...one of access and no perceivable boundaries, collective "guy-think" (the one in which pussy can is thought of being disconnected from a face or person). Throw in the chicks who have no self respect and no respect for the commitment of a potential partner, and desire to be with said partner because he's famous, and you have the perfect ingredients for a Tiger Woods Cocktail. An angry trapped man with the perfect punching bag.
This self-hatred, resentment, and unhappiness so deep it makes my brain hurt. He just happened to find willing participants who mirrored him.
He was probably mothered to death by his mother and disciplined by her also. He was her only child and the brat of a soldier which was her bread and butter, remember she is Philipinno. Who knows she may not have been able to have another kid. And if she lost Tiger, her game would be up. I do not think I would want Tigers mom.
03/26/2010 Burgess Dillard
Tiger likes sex.
I'm with Amanda on the texting. Who knows if they are real, and if so, who knows who wanted what. Maybe it got the porn girl hot. This is just idle speculation based on a woman trying to extract some money out of Woods.
The guy is a GOLFER. For God's sake. Women married to professional athletes know (or should know) what they are signing up for. Their men will have virtually unlimited opportunities for sex and they either need to pay full attention to their sexual and emotional needs or understand that these alpha males can very easily succumb to temptation.
Give it a rest.
Americans seem like such idiots over stuff like this. It's embarrassing that they pretend to be so naive.
There is a 'power play' in this type of activity, and it takes two people. While Woods may have creepy actions, and his apologies unbelievable (and he certainly doesn't owe me one, he has to live with the consequences), I find Joslyn equally unbelievable as a victim - there is simply no accountability on her end.
Having seen the treatment behind the scenes for women trying to come out of these relationships, each one had to see their part in 'showing up' to be treated like this. Of course, if there was rape or anything else which was not consented to, that is a whole other matter, I haven't followed it that closely lately.
It isn't love, he wants to humiliate women, you can see that in what he has done. The results speak to the underlying commitment in his actions. He humiliated a lot of women and meant to do so. Not one of the women who have come forward is anything more than humiliated to be one of the many, and given the text messages that have been published it was his modus operandi over a long period of time.
The dude gets hot in a power play where he diminishes, degrades, disrespects, punishes and humiliates women to prove his own superiority. Winning on the world stage appears not to be enough for him. Anyone who thinks that his sexual disfunction is 'play' doesn't understand the nature of repetitive negative and risky behaviors. He also reportedly didn't wear condoms, and then he brought whatever he had exposed himself to home to share with his wife. This isn't some modern alternative lifestyle, this is a seriously misogynistic mess he's made of his life.
However, it takes two to tango, and the women involved were self-abasing (and possibly celebrity collectors), which is also disgusting. They more or less deserve each other.
Except, of course, that the whole cultural thing (with possibly some roots in *nature*) encourage both genders in these roles. (While I can say there are roots in *nature*, that doesn't mean we have to go along with it - there's lots of *natural* things we refrain from and even have laws against).
A person in Tiger's position can act out his fantasies and obsessions and whatever (mother issues, race issues, just-male-dominant stuff), whereas a lot of people can't, without consequences. Of course, in this case, consequences happened too - to Tiger's surprise, evidently.
I agree with you, Dennis, that his apology was transparently fake. Still, I do have a twinge of sympathy for having all his nasty fantasies out in the open for talk-show people and the likes of us to dissect and snicker about.
I think the posters are insightful... I started naming them, but it would have been all of them...
Misogyny (as practiced both by perpetrators and 'willing victims') in all its forms is one of the big problems of humanity. Like war, it is intrinsic - but we must keep on keeping on with trying to overcome...
And yes, they knew he was married, and yes, groupies know what they are doing, to a point. Does the fact that women willingly enter into a sexual relationship with a famous, married man, mean that they are on a par with that man and that they are EQUALLY to blame? How come there isn't more of an outcry about Tiger's use of these women? He has yet to utter a single word of regret for what he did to these women. He has yet, which is the main point of my article, to broach any glimmer of indication that he realizes that he is a misogynist. He has, instead, spoken of how they saw this as a perk for working so hard. Ok, it' s a perk to have women threw themselves at you, but that isn't the same thing as being a misogynist who wants to humiliate women.
These texts - and the ones with Joslyn, while more graphic than the others that have been released, are not entirely different - are not just "I want to tie you up and have you tie me up." They are degrading the woman and completely dominating her scenarios.
We can vote now, Dennis. AND chew gum and walk at the same time ;)
As a few have noted, this type of activity does not happen in a bubble. Tiger’s upbringing and his life’s experiences have brought him to the place in which he now stands. I will take him at his word, and believe that he really does want to become a better person. He’s still the best golfer in the world, but he has made a total mess of his personal life.
Tiger Woods loves sex with women. He's insatiable. There are plenty of women willing to have an affair with a rich celebrity. Tiger Woods didn't coerce a single woman to have sex with him. They wanted too. They weren't children. As for the rough sex texts, they may just have been dirty talk. If he actually performed these acts, why did she go back for more? She's a porn actress, for Pete's sakes. She probably did similar or worse things for cash on a daily basis.
I've never understood why a man is considered to hate women when his central animating impulse is to sexually possess them. It seems to me that a hater of women would be physically averse to them and maybe physically abusive towards them. Tiger Woods doesn't fit that definition.
The idea that Tiger has oppressed any women is laughable to you, but then what would you consider the oppression of women? Has Tiger oppressed Elin his wife? What impact does this have on his kids that he professes to love? His lying to each and every woman he had sex with isn't oppressive? Does Tiger using women like golf balls mean anything here? What do you think his attitudes about women are, evident from his words and his actions?
Are you saying that the very idea of saying that the oppression of women exists at all is a reflexive disease?
Amanda: I'm sorry, I don't understand your last comment -
"We can vote now, Dennis. AND chew gum and walk at the same time ;)"
Are you saying that because women have the vote that they are now equal?
I want to reiterate what Susanne said here:
"The dude gets hot in a power play where he diminishes, degrades, disrespects, punishes and humiliates women to prove his own superiority. Winning on the world stage appears not to be enough for him. Anyone who thinks that his sexual disfunction is 'play' doesn't understand the nature of repetitive negative and risky behaviors."
Just because someone has sex with others doesn't mean that they love them or like them and it doesn't even necessarily mean that they like sex itself. A person, and I think Tiger is one of these, can take pleasure in utter domination and derive erotic pleasure from that. There is a difference between playing with roles in sex play in which mastery at some points passes from one partner to the other, and the misogynistic games that Tiger is guilty of playing.
The fact that he seems incapable of really reflecting on this means that there are deep seated problems he is suffering from and that trouble lies ahead. His relentless, reckless, utterly selfish pursuit of women is not the behavior of someone who loves women. It's the behavior, in his case, of someone who is after something else. He doesn't seem to even know what that something else is yet.
The idea that there's nothing deeper to understand about how our psychology and behavior is conditioned by and shaped by the woman-hating culture we live in should be dropped by anyone who wants a just society.
When I read this piece in the NY Times Magazine several years ago this bit jumped out at me:
Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents at the Cyber Crimes Center in Fairfax, Va., are finding that when it comes to sex, what was once considered abnormal is now the norm. They are tracking a clear spike in the demand for harder-core pornography on the Internet. ''We've become desensitized by the soft stuff; now we need a harder and harder hit,'' says I.C.E. Special Agent Perry Woo.
The idea that because a woman works as a prostitute or a porn "actress" means that nothing that a man does to her could ever be rape or abuse is sickening and yes, misogyny.
Once again, thanks Dennis!
*doesn't mean that they both did NOT want this and were equal participants in this kind of talk/actions--some people get off being degraded or being involved in power dynanics during their sexual play.
How Soon Is Now and others who have argued similarly here:
Several people have said that the matter of sexual activity between Tiger and his mistresses is a personal matter and a matter of individual choice. This perspective is, I would argue, much too narrow as if people's behavior in their personal lives are not connected to the larger social forces that surround all of us. This perspective is similar to the one that this following quote is responding to:
“[O]bjectification isn't just about individual women's decisions. It's about the impact of this kind of representation on society. That is, a woman may choose to model for Playboy-- but once her image is in the magazine, the issue isn't just her choice anymore. It's about how that representation of women affects the world. Put it in another way, a woman might choose to model in Playboy--but all women collectively did not choose to be represented in this manner.”
From "Media Objectification of Women: A Definition and Consequences of Sexualized Female Representations".
The fact that a woman - or even women perhaps - in Tiger's sexual affairs might have been a willing participant in self-degradation that Tiger carried out over them doesn't make that "choice" innocent or ok. The fact that they agreed to it doesn't make it a free choice. The idea that it was freely chosen doesn't take into account how the relationships between men and women (and between same sex couples) are socially determined. We do not overall freely, autonomously, adopt our own sexuality. We are heavily influenced by social forces that are larger than ourselves. The degree to which we are self-conscious about those forces actually allows us, based on that the ability, to more freely choose what we will and won't do.
I am a feminist. I am not defending Tiger Woods. I just wouldn't automatically slap the label misogynist on anyone who engaged in kink/power exchanges in their sex.
Why is this "story" being discussed here???
Why is this not just Tiger's personal affair(s)? Precisely because of the above. His actions impact other people in ways that most of our personal lives don't.
The other reason why this story is being discussed here at OS is because female-male relationships is one of the key matters of human life. It is a core issue. I was motivated to write about this because it was clear that the very obvious signs of misogyny weren't being discussed.
How am I using this phrase here? Tiger ever since this scandal broke has complained that the media should leave him and Elin alone and let them work things out themselves without the glare of publicity. Some of you who've been commenting on this post have been maintaining that Tiger's and his mistresses' sexual behaviors are their own business and harmless to no one.
What Tiger and his mistresses (and Elin) have done and what the rest of us make of it, how we react to it and how we evaluate it, along with what we do (with such things as desire, porn, fantasy, etc.) are all intertwined in the fabric of our collective life as a society. No one's business is exclusively our own. None of what we do is utterly separate from social norms that we adopt and react to, even though there is, of course, variability and idiosyncrasy among us. Tiger certainly hasn't personally invented his misogynistic "sex talk," sexual acts, and treating of women as vehicles to satisfy his desire to conquer and dominate and prove himself again and again as entitled to. He is playing out scripts that he did not invent but has adopted from a larger social pattern of male privilege and domination.
If we say, "well, that's his affair and his affair alone," we are neglecting to see a) the egregious nature of those attitudes and behaviors of his, and b) taking a hands off attitude about the oppression of women. The personal concentrates the political. It is the concrete manifestation here, one of the concrete manifestations, of the larger social inequities.
As Lina's comment above points to, there has been a very large uptick in the appetite for increasingly violent porn. The neoliberal world of cash decides everything and the market and self-interest rules is intimately linked to the marketing of "desire" and the increasingly violent and misogynistic attitudes towards women in particular. Tiger's sexual behavior and exceptional selfishness are indicators of this ugly trend.
The fact that some feminists might engage in similar sex play is not a stamp of approval for those behaviors. I am not adopting, by the way, some kind of prudish attitude towards what people do sexually as turn ons. When someone is injured in sexual relationships - and so very many people have been here in Tiger's case and are hurt everyday in so many others' cases - then we especially should wonder and seek to identify what social dramas are being enacted between the sheets.
That is fine--but you are judging a whole slew of people who engage in kink and do it safely and consensually. And, gender is not the determining factor of who wields the power in these dynamics--many men enjoy the submissive role and seek out dominant women.
You are coming off as judgemental. I can criticize Tiger on all kinds of levels and think he does have a high disregard for women--but these texts are not part of that equation for me.
Wow.
As long as children, animals and non-consent is not involved, I don't care what is going on in the bedrooms of others.
My point is that nothing can be separated out from the social. Is it your position that the social has no meaning?
Thanks so much for your insightful comments. I think that Woods' behavior is less of concern than the fact that his behavior and attitudes haven't been censured by any stretch of the imagination as they should be. The ESPN five minute interview was an example of "treating the big celebrity with kid gloves." He's going to resume his golf career and is going to escape, for now at least, with some opprobrium, but the underlying and expressed misogyny isn't going to be even mentioned.
But I can't even bring myself to fake the mildest outrage as a sports icon is exposed as horndog.
BFD
As far as I know, I was never cheated on and just cheating isn't a reason I would label anyone a narcissist (or a misogynist). What prompted me on Tiger Woods was his dead eyed "apology" and his complete lack of any kind of emotion. I cringed at the image of him faking tears. He also has a lot of other NPD qualities. I almost chuckled to myself when I realised that it must also be the reason he's so great in golf. Those people do not suffer from stress the same way you and I do, and golf essentially is mostly about your mental capabilities after you've mastered the physical side of it. They are superior to others and capable of everything. They are the Alpha and the Omega. After I saw the text messages, my suspicions were just confirmed. I have no doubt that the messages wouldn't be real. I've experienced it first hand and I've read so many other stories on different boards for victims of narcissists, which echo similar kind of treatment. It is a horrible feeling, when you think you have an emotional connection with someone and you trust them. They say they love you, but then degrade you. It's very confusing. Those women may be promiscuous and I'm in no way defending their conduct, but it's not that black and white. I also agree, that there are different fetishes and consenting adults can do what ever they want, but even in role play there's trust and respect for the other person as a human being. If you simply do not care about the other person's feelings, then I would say it is abuse.
My experience is that whilst it could be misogyny, it's not just hatred towards women. It's just not caring about human beings in general. I experienced how the N in my life got pleasure out of humiliating everyone. Not just humans, but also animals. If I protested, the reaction was rage and I was the one who was wrong. The relationship almost destroyed me, but luckily I got out. I don't particularly like it when the media is bringing into light people's personal business, however in this case, I seriously hope that there would be more discussion on NPD and how it affects the people around such person. Perhaps it could save someone who right now is wondering why the person they love so dearly is making them feel like they are worthless and slowly driving them into insanity.
I really hope that Elin would just take the kids and run, run, run away from this man. There is no normal marriage to save. Narcissists do not get better in therapy. There is no cure. She is a great status symbol for him, being a beautiful Swedish ex-model, but that's it. I can understand that someone would take offence to what I'm saying. That just means that you haven't been involved with a narcissist. I sincerely hope that you never will.
I'm so sorry for your experience with a Narcissist. But your sharing of that experience may help others. And, to borrow a phrase from golf, your comment is "dead, solid perfect."
I do think that you are right that Tiger is not only a misogynist but someone who doesn't care about anyone else. It would also help to explain, as you speculate, how he can concentrate so flawlessly on his golf. This would further explain his complete lack of contrition.
I think the commentaries about narcissism are spot on, because there is clearly a lack of sense of boundaries or respect for boundaries that others have set (marital, emotional) because the narcissist is special and unique and they don't apply. When does anybody earn the right to use people as tissue paper? Why is this a male domain? No cheers for the women who have risen to the top who treat people badly.
What so many fail to see about the reality of the porn and sex trade, is that it is mysogynistic in nature. These women are all objects for sex, and sex only, and exist only to please the ego of the viewer. Just because you like having sex with women doesn't mean you like women at all, because liking women means seeing them as people who exist in their own right, and have feelings, boundaries, and urges that are not decided by you (the mostly male purchaser/viewer). The industry exists because it is where men spend their money. That women go along with it means they a) need to survive, and b) are probably used to being treated like that from the men in their lives before they got there, so why not make a living from it?
Marriage may be considered by some as another form of this, although the men who try to marry women who are clearly looking for a sex for money kind of relationship are the same men who see women is prostitutes and who also probably view a lot of porn, strip shows.
The tone of the texts, dirty talk be what it is, shows that the women were bodies for Tiger to do things to, not people with whom he shared a beautiful loving sexual relationship. As to condom use, they are used by men who are concerned of catching something themselves (or getting someone pregnant), and I think few men would use them if women didn't insist.
As to the white thing, other than that we see a lot of men pursue their ideal of trophy beauty (as opposed to social and intellectual equal) in their wife, Tiger lives in a very white, very privileged world. His developed attraction to them as "things to be acquired" is not that dissimilar to the other aspects of material comfort he has amassed.
So, I'm glad that there's some whistle-blowing going on, like this blog post. It is difficult for a normal person to imagine that someone really, truly does not care about any society rules nor what happens to other people. You can not change that, but it is important to accept that it exists and not be fooled by some non-apology apologies.
Thanks so much for the comments. You are so right about porn being misogynistic in nature. I am no prude (ask my students! : )), but I do have a problem with women hating and it's distressing that so many people miss this completely and defend Tiger on the grounds that "Tiger loves women too much."
It's also odd that someone would say, as Angus here did, that he'd get very upset if Tiger was caught cheating at golf, a game, but doesn't think it's a problem if Tiger is cheating and USING other PEOPLE. It is, as you say and Anone says, about ego gratification for Tiger and the sex is not the end, it is the means to that end.
For Tiger, the fact that golf is such a difficult sport, makes it all the easier for him to think of himself as the Alpha and Omega. My father, bless his soul, was a narcissist, though not on a par with Tiger by any means. He was very good at golf and won a bunch of trophies, but gave up the sport because, get this, "it was too easy." I have never heard anyone say this about golf, but my father was totally sincere about this. He found tennis much more challenging because the ball was moving.
I'm glad that this post has gotten a bit of a revival with comments today and yesterday because the questions we're discussing really need airing. Celebrity worship and the worship of those who have endless amounts of money is a real symptom of neoliberalism - the idolatry of money. Narcissism and misogyny are the natural companions of Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman's glorification of the individual at the expense of the community. Ayn Rand had it exactly backwards: it isn't society that depends solely upon the individual innovators, it is the innovators whose lifeblood is the community.
Again, I'd like to thank you for your blog and the ensuing discussion. What so many people don't seem to understand is how the Woods scandal cuts to the very core of male/female relations; that it exposes the corrupt and distorted thinking that accompanies the wholesale veneration of celebrity and that it serves to underscore the fact that the double standard is alive and well.
Indeed, one can only imagine the reaction of mainstream media and celebrity commentators if a major female celebrity had been caught engaging in the same type or number of 'transgressions'. it is doubtful that the prevailing mood would be quite so sanguine—no matter how well she performed at her chose profession.
The more things change. . . . .
The double standard isn't only alive and well, it's kicking and screaming and jumping up and down! : )
You are so right to compare the treatment of Tiger to that of a hypothetical women athlete caught doing what Tiger's been caught doing. It would be unimaginable that she could get away with this in the way that Tiger has.