I'm not quite sure how I missed it, but until last night I had never seen the movie Unfaithful with Diane Lane, Richard Gere and the breathtakingly handsome Olivier Martinez (let us bow our heads in silence as a sign of respect). Geez. What is it about those French guys?

Okay, like everyone else, I've seen a lot of titilating sex scenes in movies. Some graphic, some more suggestive. Some were rough and tumble, others more sweetly seductive. I watched Monster's Ball recently and thought it was a pretty raunchy sex scene between Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton. But just didn't do anything for me. Maybe it's because Billy Bob was part of the twosome. He definitely doesn't ring my bells. Why Brad Pitt was willing to settle for his sloppy seconds continues to confound me. But that's another story.

Anyone remember the famous scene in Body Heat, where William Hurt lets his second brain take complete control of his actions and breaks through Kathleen Turner's back door to get to her? She's yelling at him as she's laying on the stairs, "Do it! Do it now!" or some such nonsense. It was so over the top, it was laughable. Sort of fizzles whatever erotic tension they were supposed to be building up to. And whenever I see it now, all I can think of is how unrecognizable Kathleen Turner has become.

Or how about in Fatal Attraction, which ironically had the same director as Unfaithful, when Michael Douglas and Glenn Close get it on in the kitchen sink and she wipes water on his face. I don't know. To me, he was horny and screwing some chick he met at a party while his wife was out of town. It was supposed to be shocking, I guess, but it wasn't take-my-breath away erotic. (Sidenote: I lived in New York when they were filming the movie. Happened to be walking by and saw both Michael Douglas and Glenn Close standing around, waiting. I almost got soaked by the rain-making machines.)

However, the sex scenes in Unfaithful were placed, directed and acted to perfection. Diane Lane nailed it. No pun intended. The sexual tension, the anticipation, the way she relieved each encounter (watching the expressions on her face as she remembered made you feel as much like a voyeur as watching them have sex). Their attraction was like a gravitational pull.

While The Notebook may be too sappy and overly romantic for most, ya gotta love the sex scene when, after all the years apart, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams finally hook up.  Mutual attraction.

Another, example, that doesn't exactly fit the mold. To my mind and to a lot of other women I know, the tent scene in Brokeback Mountain between Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal was incredibly erotic. It wasn't graphic. No words were spoken. Only the sound of zippers, belt buckles and some heavy breathing and there was no nudity, as I recall. But, again, it was the result of a mutual irresistable attraction that the two men finally gave into. A gravitational pull.

I've tried to analyze what makes a sex scene more appealing, more erotic to women and I've decided it's twofold. While it certainly doesn't hurt if the guy looks like Mr. Martinez, I don't think that's the key.  And two people humping till they drop isn't it either. I think it has to do with the fantasy of letting go of inhibitions, of walls crumbling and, after a struggle to resist,  giving into a mutual irresistable attraction.

I can't speak for all women, of course, but I've been around long enough that I think I can be the voice for quite a few when I say, women need context, a backstory, an emotional buildup that feels real, one that they can relate to on some level or at least insert into their own fantasies. If I wanted to simply watch people having sex, I could always turn to the Real Sex channel on HBO.

My own take home message from Unfaithful? Since I gave into the attraction to my husband a long time ago, that's not an option. But, after listening to Mr. Martinez, I simply must get him to start whispering sweet nothings to me in French (his first language). To think I've let all these years go by and let those language skills go to waste!