That pretty much sums up my life these days. Wouldn't be so bad if there weren't bills to pay, gas to put in the tank, food to put on the table, property taxes coming due, etc.

I've read more in the last year than I did in the previous 10. When I was crazy busy with work, my brain was too sapped at the end of the day to focus on reading one more page of anything. Now, I crave the mental stimulation. In the last few months, I've read Blood Oath by Christopher Farnsworth, The Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner, Both Ways Is the Only Way I Want it by Maile Meloy and Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I got about half through The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson, but I had to set it aside. I wish someone had made his three books into one nicely edited story. I'll pick it back up soon. I just finished that 700+ page tome known as The Passage by Justin Cronin. I found out over the weekend that it's the first in a trilogy. I'm in awe. I'm now in the middle of Reading Like a Writer: A guide for people who love books and for those who want to write them by Francine Prose and waiting in the wings is Corrections by Jonathan Franzen.

They were all wonderful in their own way and I've made the difficult transition from buying books to checking them out from the library. I love going to bookstores. I love owning books. I love thumbing through books on my bookshelf that I've read before to find and reread favorite passages to remind myself of what wonderful writing sounds like. But books are expensive. So, I am now the proud owner of an Austin City library card.

I'm still playing around with fiction writing myself. Entered a couple of writing contests. Made it through the first round of judging on one, but got no further.

I get up early, before the sun comes up and walk 5 to 6 miles most days. It gives me a feeling of direction and purpose. And helps keep the pounds from piling on.

I haven't been on OS much lately, though I do skim the front page and check on a handful of favorites. I seldom comment. I saw Maria Stuart's front page post yesterday and the link to the article in The New York Times about the risk unemployed people over 50 face of never working again. Sobering stuff, especially when you fit into the demographic.

Being a freelancer all these years, I was never really employed in the traditional sense, so I'm not considered unemployed and therefore not eligible for unemployment benefits. I guess I'm what you would call underemployed. Way underemployed, making about 75% less than what I was making just 2 years ago.

Like Maria Stuart, I've never had trouble getting work. It always came to me. I've written extensively for The New York Times and Parade. I've had monthly columns in Family Circle and Prevention. I was health editor at McCall's magazine years ago. I've written articles for more magazines and online outlets than I can remember. Just six years ago, I got a six-figure book advance. But that was then.

It's an unfamiliar feeling now to be knocking on everyone's virtual door asking for work, only to be ignored. The work I am getting now is for ridiculously low pay. Things I would have laughed at the very thought of just 2 years ago. Not anymore.

Is it ageism? I think that's a big part of it. The doors I'm knocking on are being answered by twentysomethings. I'm almost old enough to be their grandmother. Is it the economy? Yep, that too. Much of the freelance work is being kept in house to keep costs down. Their full-time employees are being overworked. But at least they have jobs.  Is it because I'm behind the times? I still have two teenage kids living at home, who keep me in the loop and I'm almost obsessive about keeping up with popular culture. But, it's not the same as living it.

So, I'll keep knocking on doors, working for ridiculously low pay and Reading, Writing and Walking until things turn around.

They have to.