jay leffew

jay leffew
Sant Rosa, California, USA
September 02
GayFamilyValues Hello everyone, Welcome to the official Gay Family Values blogg by the Depfox family of YouTube. Many of you know that we were a private family Living in Northern California Who began making YouTube videos to help fight the passage of California's Proposition 8 banning gay marriage in our state constitution. Those videos were meant to show our life as an average, everyday gay family. We hoped that in showing our lives that we could help dispell many of the bad stereotypes about gay families and gay people in generall. We couldn't have imagined what would happen as a result of those first videos. We began to get tons of emails asking questions, showing support, and sharing stories of tragedy and hope. This blog will be a little different in that we will offer our perspective, as a gay family, on current events in life, gay news, the struggle for marriage equality, and everything in between. And...yes...we promise...it won't all be Youtube related. Please enjoy our crazy, disfunctionally slanted view of life and please visit us at the links posted on the right at our new site: www.Gay-family-values.com and were it all began, on Youtube.

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APRIL 7, 2010 11:01PM

I Married A Type A

Rate: 3 Flag

I Married A Type A

O.k....blogging has not been so reliable these days...as I sure my frustrated readers are all too aware of. Part of this has had to do with the recent additions to our family. Raising five kids keeps you constantly moving after all. But....What you may not know about us, and about Jay more specifically, is that he is a super A-type personality. Once he gets a wild hare to do something, all other activities stop, as his project sucks up all time and attention. Lately we are building a closet. Build a closet you say? Not such a big deal. surely theres time for other things?...you know, like regular meals, daiper changes, .....breathing. But sadly, such is not the case.

This project is the PRE-project to gutting the master bathroom and enlarging it into an existing closet space, eventually allowing us to piece together a larger master bathroom. But that means building a set of "built in" closets in the master bedroom space to house our clothes. On the surface we thought we could totally tackle this...and we have before...but not without having to compensate for some of our lack of technical expertise. For example, never build a frame without having an idea what size your doors are going to be, resulting in a day of argument on whether to cut down larger doors or build out your not-so-square frame....but I digress.

For the last 3 days Jay has been 100% focused on this and everything else takes a backseat. If I stop to say good morning to my dog....he shouts from the hallway to ask what the hell I'm doing. If I take a second to go to the bathroom...he shouts to ask what the hell I'm doing AND  to remind me for the millionth time that we "don't have alot of time to get this project done!" If I remark that its lunch time, he looks at me as if I had just called him the worst name you can imagine. Everytime is work time and you can blog when your dead.

I know Jay appreciates relaxation...to a point...but what he doesn't often appreciate about himself, is just how much he needs work for his psychological equalibrium. Most A-type personalities are intense people with a remarkable drive and often egos to match. While Jay doesn't tend toward the ego mania end of the spectrum he definitely has the ability to deal with those guys. He even enjoys it. He loves to talk and an argument that sends me running from the room in utter discomfort is only more fuel for his fire. If I could describe Jay as personality type...I would make the "A" bigger than this computers font would allow. I, myself, am somewhere much further down the alphabet...on what Jay would call "the lazy side".

I sure you all know someone like this. Hell, I may even be describing you.

You may be an A-type personality if ....seeing your partner or spouse cleaning/improving the house illicits warm and fuzzy  love feelings or even erotic response. Thats an A-type for you, working turns them on.....If you are unable to relax if you feel there are outstanding projects that must be done NOW, you may be an A-type....if you base your opinions of people off how good a worker they are or plan everything in your life at least one year ahead...if not further, you may be an A-type. If your idea of good conversation involves confrontation...you may be an A-type....Heaven help us all....

Being born Virgo...Jay has all these traits in spades. He plans, books, and finances all family vacations at year in advance. Now, I admit that I would not have seen some of the awsome places we have been to together were it not for Jays tendency to decide on, commit to, and plan something within an inch of its life...sometimes years in advance of the actual event. However, it can be funny and exasperating when He's discussing vacation plans two years down the road when any number of variables can change by then....like taking in additional children for example.

Where I am o.k. reading a book on a rainy day...Jay is frustated and restless because  we can't drywall. and that same drywall project will stare at him all day long...as if mocking him. I admit that he makes stuff happen that I would hestitate on. Also, he can giddily have that argument that sends me screaming up the walls, which is handy in dealing with some people. We are usually on the opposite end of any temperment spectrum you can dig up and his ability to do these things can frustrate/enrage me at the same time that I admire him for being that way. Which is why we will probably be that gay couple you saw arguing in the middle of a Home Depot.

Movement is another feature of an type-A personality. Everything must involve action in someway. Alot of people with this personality feature are uncomfortable with stillness, which is a something that is essential to most of us to recenter and ground ourselves when our ambition exceeds our grasp. Or when our lives become so agitated we can not see the path ahead clearly anymore. Where angels fear to tread...a type-A, like Jay, already paved a road and built a Starbucks, and is waiting for you...disapprovingly...to roll out of bed because he got up at the litteral "crack" of dawn, with coffee in hand.....After all, you can't work without your mucho-mega-grande, family size bucket of caffeine.

But as insane as I sometimes regard him, when it seems the basics of life....like eating, get a back seat to some work related obsession, I also know something else. After we have argued for the umpteenth time over some element of the project that neither one of us knows how to do...After the dust has settled....both of us will stand back and say to ourselves, " Wow...We did that?" The sense of accomplishement will make it worth it, even though I really do have to restrain myself from strangling him sometimes when he tells me I take to long to do things. I know that this part of him that drives me insane is also a part of him I love because its unique to him and because we can make beautifull things together that we couldn't do alone....whether its a cabinet, a bathroom remodel, or a life. I will be the voice of caution for his being the bull in my china shop.

I hope this project is done soon so that life can resume its regular(already chaotic) pace. Until then...for me. Because I can't....find some time to do absolutely nothing for no good reason and have a blast doing it. Somewhere an A-type personality will be screaming in frustration.

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Yeesh! Sounds a lot like my Dad (also Virgo).
I can't speak for straight couples, but in most gay relationships there is an A personality (me) and a "let me move at my own pace" personality (Herb.) Herb calms me down and makes life bearable...I check the prices on 52 airline sites, make the reservations and get him to the airport five hours in advance so we don't miss our plane. The mix works fine most of the time..
Good luck with your closet!