jay leffew

jay leffew
Sant Rosa, California, USA
September 02
GayFamilyValues Hello everyone, Welcome to the official Gay Family Values blogg by the Depfox family of YouTube. Many of you know that we were a private family Living in Northern California Who began making YouTube videos to help fight the passage of California's Proposition 8 banning gay marriage in our state constitution. Those videos were meant to show our life as an average, everyday gay family. We hoped that in showing our lives that we could help dispell many of the bad stereotypes about gay families and gay people in generall. We couldn't have imagined what would happen as a result of those first videos. We began to get tons of emails asking questions, showing support, and sharing stories of tragedy and hope. This blog will be a little different in that we will offer our perspective, as a gay family, on current events in life, gay news, the struggle for marriage equality, and everything in between. And...yes...we promise...it won't all be Youtube related. Please enjoy our crazy, disfunctionally slanted view of life and please visit us at the links posted on the right at our new site: www.Gay-family-values.com and were it all began, on Youtube.

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APRIL 17, 2010 4:37PM

Greene Vs. Sonoma County...Why Marriage Equality?

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Greene Vs. Sonoma County....Why Marriage Equality Is Important

What would you do if, in your golden years, you found yourself suddenly without you life long partner or spouse? Now add to that, county officials swooping in to claim your home and belongings because they do not recognize your relationship as valid even though you drew up all those "iron clad" documents meant to protect against such events. Would you feel rage? Would fight to protect what is yours by right? Who would stand with you?

That is exactly what happened here in my home of Sonoma County to Clay Greene and his partner of 20 years Harold. When faced with a health crisis, the county swooped in, confined them both in separate nursing homes, assumed control of both of their finances, sold all their combined property, and surrendered their home back to the landlord. All the while trying to explain away their relationship to each other as "roommates", even though they all appropriate legal documents naming each other as beneficiaries should something happen to the other. All this resulting in Harolds death three months later leaving clay little more than memories of their life together. Their lives together where very nearly erased....and it happened in my back yard.

This horrific story was sent to our facebook page and my jaw dropped when I saw it. It  was just days ago that I was expressing happiness with my city for finally approving an LGBT retirement community and then along comes along this account of gross discrimination. This is a story of callous cruelty against two men who  thought they had their legal protections in place yet found those swept away as if they did not exist at all.

Full text from the National Center For Lesbian Rights Case docket:

Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place—wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.

One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold’s care from the first moment. Tragically, county and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes.

Ignoring Clay’s significant role in Harold’s life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold’s “roommate.” The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold’s bank accounts to pay for his care.

What happened next is even more chilling: without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold’s possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.

Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home. Because of the county’s actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property. The only memento Clay has is a photo album that Harold painstakingly put together for Clay during the last three months of his life.

With the help of a dedicated and persistent court-appointed attorney, Anne Dennis of Santa Rosa, Clay was finally released from the nursing home. Ms. Dennis, along with Stephen O'Neill and Margaret Flynn of Tarkington, O'Neill, Barrack & Chong, now represent Clay in a lawsuit against the county, the auction company, and the nursing home, with technical assistance from NCLR. A trial date has been set for July 16, 2010 in the Superior Court for the County of Sonoma.

Words can not express the anger I feel at reading this. the way these men were treated was shamefull and I can't believe this occured in a county that traditionally is very accepting of gays and lesbians. As my husband expressed, "If we're not safe here, where can we be safe?" To which, I guess the answer is "nowhere". Only full legal rights could have stopped the events that happened to these two men.

Sonoma County is my home. It voted against Prop 8 by 68% of the population and has been recorded to have the highest population of gay couples raising children in the nation. It has always been a safe haven for Gay and Lesbian Californians second only to the city of San Francisco. I was utterly floored to see that this happened here. The last time I had heard of a story of this nature was the account of Janice Langbehn and Lisa Pond, who had medical visitation denied them in a Florida hospital resulting in Lisa Pond dying alone without her partner or children at her side. At the time Lisa Pond was told not to expect any sympathy because she was in an "anti-gay state". Indeed, that story was so awfull I promised not to go to Florida again until they change their treatment of LGBT people. ...and now it has happened right here in my home.

Jay contacted Anne Dennis, the attorney representing Clay Greene, to see if there was any way we could help support his case. the attorney expressed her own outrage and explained that they had tried to get the story printed in our local paper, The Press Democrat, to which they have still recieved no answer. Immediately I thought, " Oh no, you don't go to the local paper with a story like this, you take it to the net." This story needs to be shouted from the rooftops. It needs to reverberate to every blog and website it can because what happened to these two men can happen to each of us.
There should be no gay or lesbian out there who reads this and thinks, "This can't happen to me". Thats just what these two men thought and it DID happen to them. I think they must have also felt some level of protection living in a county that normally normally considered a safe place for  gays and lesbians. Which to my mind, goes to show that it can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime when society is allowed to treat us as second class. Would this things have happened to Clay and Harold had the county workers been dealing with a legal marriage instead of Wills and Powers of Attorney....I doubt it greatly.

Many gay couples did not marry in California while the window of opportunity was open, Clay and Harold are only one example of those who didn't. Some believed their Civil Partnerships were enough legal protection. One Couple I know personally had their commitment ceremony more than a decade ago and felt as if that was enough for them. Still more couples where not ready to marry their partners yet, even though they considered the idea, knowing that the chance may not come around again. In short lots of gay Californians were left out of the narrow window of opportunity in which they could have legally wed.
Sean Chapin and yours truely took our outrage to Youtube:

As Sean Chapins video points out, anything less than full equality and full recognition leaves the door open enough that events like this can continue to happen. These two Gentlemen went to great pains to name each other as legal beneficiaries within their legal documents yet all it took was the change of a name from "partners" to "roommates" for a judge to o.k. what happened to these two men...thats the knife edge on which we stand.
In addition, Jay and I have heard a strong voice from within the gay community expressing the opinion that the struggle for marriage equality is in some way a selfish venture. They ask why we are fighting for the right to marry when Don't Ask Don't Tell(DADT) and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act(ENDA) affect the gay community in much more practicle ways. Well folks...this is why....Clay and Harold can be you and me with just  the redifinition of the word that describes our relationships. As California Supreme Court Justice Kennard quiped during the trial over the validity of Proposition 8..."aren't we really just talking about a label?" No Mam...not when the label means this much. The label of marriage is more than a word, it is inseparable from the connotations and legal protections that the word "married" carries with our society. Clay and Harolds case demonstrates this through tragedy. Is this what it takes for people to understand this? Must every change begin through tragedy before we see its need?

As the video states we will continue to follow Clays story and plan on being present for the trial. I encourage everyone to show their support and to let it be known that these kinds of events can not happen under the cover of darkness. This is how you can help:

1. HELP SPREAD THE STORY! I have tried to get this story out to Pams House Blend with the intent of raising awarness. Please feel free to use this blog entry or our Youtube video to help get the story out there whether through your own words..or ours. Facebook it, twitter it, send it to any blog you can think of...but please share it.

2. Help contact our local paper, The Press Democrat, and let them know that they can not ignore this issue. You can find them:

      at their contact page or...

     Email the Executive Editor at:  catherine.barnett[@pressdemocrat.com

     Call the newsroom at: 1(800)675-5056

until next time dear readers...

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Thanks for sharing these stories, painful as they are to read. It's essential to keep people aware of the human rights violations being perpetrated, and to keep fighting for genuine justice.
I'm a Sonoma County resident as well. This pisses me off to no end. We are supposed to "get it" here. We support gay rights. We spit on idiot ignorant boobs. And yet, here we are, as bad as fucking Alabama.
I'm a Sonoma County resident as well. This pisses me off to no end. We are supposed to "get it" here. We support gay rights. We spit on idiot ignorant boobs. And yet, here we are, as bad as fucking Alabama.
Hey all....just found this site, and appreciate Jay's work, and the subsequent posts. When Prop8 passed, I dreamed up an art piece using the YesOn8 signs, and the piece has traveled up and down the state on display. I'm planning to take it to the courthouse steps for the closing arguments of the Prop8 trial, and I thought you all might appreciate it. It's a bit "in your face", but it also tends to give people a shot in the arm over the irrationality of Prop8. You can see the details on my website, which is http://scottterryprojects.com/Prop8.html .....I hope it becomes irrelevant at the conclusion of the trial. Best to everyone...Scott
Oh that is disgusting!! Rated and I'm reposting the link to this article everywhere I possibly can!! Thank you for sharing and getting the word out about this horrible and tragic incident.
Wow. This story makes me sick. I can't believe the county and state would ignore legal documents. I'm sharing this with everyone I can. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. This is the kind of story that deserves wide recoginition so we can put a stop to such illegal, discrimnatory, and callous practices.
Someone else mentioned that it's a case of greed. That's true reduced to the simplest terms. It is actually quite common for an institution like a hospital to seize property and hold it, indefinitely, to "protect" itself against the threat of financial loss when a person is incapacitated and placed in their care. Nothing justifies how these men were treated..it's an egregious case of neglect, disregard, and inhumane treatment, but our system is set up to defend and protect the finances of businesses before individual's rights. The people of Sonoma County may have voted to protect the rights of its individuals, but no hospital (nursing home), insurance company, bank, or any other institution is going to defer to an individual's rights when they can argue that their bottom line is at risk. And the courts side with them. So, yep, at the end of the day..it's greed. I would think this story is going to get very messy and even uglier as time passes and more details emerge.
This is cruel and inhuman. rated
I'm straight, and I can say there's intense outrage over this among straight people as well. Maybe this will be the catalyst to finally fixing some problems.

This is not ONLY a gay issue (though the court filing makes it clear that it clearly is that). It is also an issue of elder rights, and of unbridled power of the state over the individual (from the 14th Amendment is supposed to protect us).

And most of all, it is an issue of basic humanity.

The civil complaint is available here. It's even worse than the news story: http://www.nclrights.org/site/DocServer/Greene_v_Sonoma_County.pdf?docID=7461

Having read the entire court filing -- if the facts are as stated there, I believe there should also be criminal charges as well - elder abuse, elder financial abuse, and kidnapping.

But it is up to us to ensure that this doesn't happen again, anywhere. This is not how our government should treat people -- especially people who are unable to stand up for their rights.
Patty W-This should be a terrifying thought for anyone who is involved with assisting any elder through planninf of wills, estates, power of attorneys etc. If these legal documents can be ignored so completely in such a situation, what legal standing does anyone have? This should be very upsetting for anyone who is named as executor, trustee, power of attorney, or heir on any document.