I've had writer's block this summer. I've also had lover's block, worker's block and friend's block. I'm having my own personal recession over here and so I haven't been posting much.
When times get tough I tend to duck my head, bear down hard and power through as quickly as I can. I find it hard to ask for help and I don't like to whine. When I get scared I get really, really quiet. I drop down, into a deep place inside myself until I find the strength to come out again.
"Struggling is inevitable but suffering is optional", my wise mentor once said. "You may not like where you are in your life-- you may be unhappy or unwell and you don't have to like it but you can befriend the sense of unease you feel instead of fighting against it."
This is the way of the Tao.
The Master does his job and then stops.
He understands that the universe is forever out of control
and that trying to dominate events
goes against the current of the Tao.
I am doing my work-- putting one foot in front of the other. Speaking my truth, remaining silent when I have nothing of use to add.
I've been upbraided this summer. I have let people down left and right and they have told me so. A man wanted something from me that I couldn't give and so he belittled me. Repeatedly. A friend wanted more time than my time allowed and so she called me a flake and other names I did not like.
I used to be so good at pleasing everyone but I've changed. Now I'm just sweating through my karma, one step at a time. Want to shit on me, too? Get in line.
I duck my head and plow along, waiting for things to change. I won't fight, I will befriend. I'll go with flow instead of fighting the current.
Be the stream of the universe!
Being the stream of the universe,
Ever true and unswerving,
Become as a little child once more.The only good thing to happen to me this summer is this: My first boyfriend, whom I've not seen since the 7th grade "friended" me. The subject line of his email to me was: I've found you!
When I opened the email it read: I am complete! I now have Dharma back in my world!
It made me smile for a week.
And so I am a child once more-- making friends with those I cannot see and befriending the overall sense of unease.