I've had writer's block this summer. I've also had lover's block, worker's block and friend's block. I'm having my own personal recession over here and so I haven't been posting much.
When times get tough I tend to duck my head, bear down hard and power through as quickly as I can. I find it hard to ask for help and I don't like to whine. When I get scared I get really, really quiet. I drop down, into a deep place inside myself until I find the strength to come out again.
"Struggling is inevitable but suffering is optional", my wise mentor once said. "You may not like where you are in your life-- you may be unhappy or unwell and you don't have to like it but you can befriend the sense of unease you feel instead of fighting against it."
This is the way of the Tao.
The Master does his job and then stops.
He understands that the universe is forever out of control
and that trying to dominate events
goes against the current of the Tao.
I am doing my work-- putting one foot in front of the other. Speaking my truth, remaining silent when I have nothing of use to add.
I've been upbraided this summer. I have let people down left and right and they have told me so. A man wanted something from me that I couldn't give and so he belittled me. Repeatedly. A friend wanted more time than my time allowed and so she called me a flake and other names I did not like.
I used to be so good at pleasing everyone but I've changed. Now I'm just sweating through my karma, one step at a time. Want to shit on me, too? Get in line.
I duck my head and plow along, waiting for things to change. I won't fight, I will befriend. I'll go with flow instead of fighting the current.
Be the stream of the universe!
Being the stream of the universe,
Ever true and unswerving,
Become as a little child once more.
The only good thing to happen to me this summer is this: My first boyfriend, whom I've not seen since the 7th grade "friended" me. The subject line of his email to me was: I've found you!When I opened the email it read: I am complete! I now have Dharma back in my world!
It made me smile for a week.
And so I am a child once more-- making friends with those I cannot see and befriending the overall sense of unease.
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Matt Paust
sagemerlin
Sparking
consonantsandvowels
kmbearden
coogansbluf
Salon.com
Comments
sweat thru your karma, you'll be just fine :)
Life is good and karma is something.
Be well here. You are measured by how you get up, not how you fall down.
Your "smile for a week" made me smile. Any time you need a smile, let me know.
Owl: thanks for getting it. I am being as gentle with myself as I can. Writing this helped a bit.
Trigger: Isn't that pretty? That fella is a neighbor of mine.
Mission: same to you, love:)
Lifeisgood: yup. I may need to let one dream die so that another may be born.
Robin: i just love it when you call me baby:)
The Master sees things as they are,
without trying to control them.
She lets them go their own way,
and resides at the center of the circle.
But then you already get that:)
If we could all live this way it would be a better world. You have so much grace in the way you approach life, doesn't mean it always works out perfectly but it keeps you moving in the right direction. Glad you found your friend!
The way of the Tao needs to be embraced by more human beings.
RATED and RATED again
Have fun with that comment.
Jeff: you have excellent taste. Mitchell's interpretation is so lucid. And I know you get *it* and me, too.
mamoore: you are too kind.
Greg: this has been one weird ass summer, that's for sure. glad it's working for ya, love. we are all in this stew together. if only other people realized it we would be a lot better off.
Yield and overcome.
The Tao is a part of my everyday too. I've just, in these past few months, come out from the place you have been inhabiting. I had to stop struggling first. I started blogging here, and things changed and opened up for me, a new door I had not seen.
For you, too, things will change. The Tao is change.
And yes, I surrender.
Teddy: you are NOT one of the assholes. Not by a long shot. I'm okay, I just wanted to write about why I wasn't writing. I'm not sitting on the edge of the abyss or anything.
And you know I love you.
Holly: I think there is a difference (though subtle, perhaps) with "embracing the unease" and 'befriending' it. My neighbor is very odd and abrasive but I have easily befriended her. If I embraced her she would slug me.
Janie, knowing that you get this has made me feel so much better. I felt like I was babbling incoherently. Thank you for the Tara. I like her, too. Here's a little of the Upanishads for you.
Om Asato Maa Sadgamaya
Tamaso Maa jyotir gamaya
Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.
I appreciate knowing there are others engaging with their own blocks.
Do you know Angelique, BTW? She writes often about the Tao-te ching, and I think you would find her a kindred spirit.
—Melissa
"I used to be so good at pleasing everyone but I've changed. Now I'm just sweating through my karma, one step at a time. Want to shit on me, too? Get in line."
No, lot of us know wht you r talking about, we hve been there, seen it, so why shd we shit on you ? wd hang on reading your old posts, getting to know you, while you get there complete your dive and resurface again, Dharma. you know, you could tecah me about our dharma - wd be lovely to rediscover Hinduism thru you for am losing faith with each passing day somehow.... :)
Anyway, I like this reminder to TRY to "befriend the sense of unease" as I generally wail against it & it just whips back & hits me in the face. I also like the music/video even though it made me cry.