Today my fortune cookies told me, "LSGBS - Let Something Good Be Said" and "Don't be fooled by first impressions".

The wontons in my soup remained blissfully silent.

Tomorrow I have work to do. Fetching truck, loading computers, shrink wrap, paperwork, 7-11 run...

... and I want to get on the road to Pennsic by 1400. Riiiiiight. I hope to toss someone the keys to the van and jog over to the choral performance as soon as we get there in hopes of catching any of it. I've caught bits of some rehearsals and I'm really impressed by what I'm hearing. I think it would be a very cool thing to try out if I could manage my time for it.

Want to go back. Want to get back to seeing my family around me on a daily basis. Want to see if I can actually do the right things all the way and manage to not be a jerk for about twenty minutes straight. Want to stand up for myself without stepping on someone else. Want to be able to define and articulate my vulnerabilities and fears without making excuses or feeling defensive. Want to let go of the fear of being dismissed or ignored and loose the expectation of being understood. Want to actively exercise compassion while still being worth compassion.

Want to stand up for my ladies and represent them honestly, and still be fair and gentle.

A little scared, but not frightened or intimidated. A little hyper-aware, but not tense or jerky. So many things to worry about, so few that I can control. I cannot justify, I can only accept fault where I have done wrong and offer an explanation if it may be accepted. I cannot make excuses, I can only accept the facts as they are and hope that my failure to understand may be chalked up to my own ignorance and stupidity. I cannot change the past, but I can work to understand and learn and try to choose right action in the future. I cannot ask for forgiveness or acceptance, but I must forgive and accept or I am simply choosing to bang my head against a brick wall.

Above all else, I must learn that when over-heated, bleeding, tired, emotionally drained, and slightly disoriented I must keep my mouth shut. Ten minutes of keeping my mouth shut is more valuable than an hour of gilded prose.

We expect the crow to caw and yell, so we don't pay attention when we hear it. When a rock speaks, we pause and listen.

Although, maybe, it is better to be a noisy crow than a silent rock flying through the air.

I must think on these things. After sleep there will be work, good work for thinking things.

I don't want to be perfect, I just want to wake up not hating myself. That's a very reasonable goal.