So, now I have three jobs. I have a newspaper delivery route. I work in a fruit transportation place in Chicago. I don't work at Big Red Pena's anymore, but Mr. Pena never really officially fired me, so legally, I'm still hired by him. Now, you know, I'm living pretty comfortably. I could be more comfortable if more people would read the newspaper because then my route would be bigger and I would get a bigger check. People forget how wonderful a newspaper is. You get all your news and a newspaper is easy to operate unlike a computer. You get your weather, your daily comics, your horoscope, crossword puzzles which are good for your brain, so are Jumbles and Jr. Jumbles, both are harder than you think. You have your job ads and for sale ads, too and when you're done you can use the newspaper to insulate your trailer walls or as a dropcloth if you are doing a messy project. I wander a lot in my thoughts. When I get home from the fruit factory I deliver my morning route. I wear a helmet a lot because of one of my syndromes. It's where I feel like at any minute somebody behind me is going to slap me in the back of the head really hard. I cringe and my shoulders go up by my ears and my allergies make my eyes water. There's probably a name for that because every syndrome has a name. I blame it on my mother because she always slapped me on the back of the head. I just got my license again and a couple of weeks ago my mom didn't like the way I was checking my mirrors and slapped my head and said "why have any mirrors on a car if you won't use them??" It's her car so I have to drive the way she likes, until I have my own which won't be long at the rate I'm earning now. So I wear a helmet a lot because I feel like someone is going to slap me in the back of the head even when my mother is nowhere in sight. I'm wondering if she dies if that feeling will stop. I don't wear that helmet when I am in a store or at a party or anything. Especially not at my job!

So, I thought, "well, this is the time to get a credit card" and I did. It only had a two hundred dollar limit because CHASE is really stingy. I also had a time when I forgot to pay my credit card bill because Mother always gets our mail and shoves it in the giant pile of mail on our kitchen table which is what we balance our food on when we eat. The pile grows and grows and Mother just goes and gets taller chairs and now we eat on these really tall bar stools that spin. The pile of mail which we just call "the pile" gets food and liquid dribbled down into it and Mom just throws the whole pile into the garbage and we start all over again. The people at CHASE don't care about the pile or that mom threw it away or that my stool is so tall that now I can't reach the table from it now that the table is clear and won't be able to until the new pile grows to replace it so I have a lap tray (for people who have to eat in bed) with folding legs on the table and I eat off of that. So now I have a newer syndrome which is that people from CHASE are following me and will break my legs someday. My bill is so big now from all the late fees that I can't pay their minimum payment. They call me so much that Mother changed our phone number and she slapped me in the back of the head for that. I was in a K-Mart last week and a really big black guy was following me around the store. He looked like the special agent from"Lilo and Stitch". When I was paying (cash) at the register, he was sitting on a park bench that they have many of in the store. I don't know why they have those. I hurried for the door and he got up and sped past me and was out in the parking lot waiting by the closest cars but he didn't figure I don't have a car and wasn't ready for me to break to the right and get my bicycle and he was way too far away to catch me as I pedaled away. I saw him throw his sunglasses really hard on the ground and swear. Well, yesterday, I was in a gas station and when I stood in front of their ATM it came to life all by itself and the screen read "CALL CHASE NOW". It was so creepy I didn't even get my soda and I left. I never used a ATM before, but I always have a urge to stand way too close to somebody using one. So my newest syndrome is that CHASE wants to hurt me if I don't pay my bill. I have a cell phone that can only dial 911 and it's always hot and ready if I need it. They called me two weeks ago at the fruit factory on a payphone and why does anyone answer a payphone anyway? I clink the coin return on a payphone but that's it. The CHASE people called me at work and right after I said I couldn't pay anything this month the lady said "I see... and what time is your train leaving to take you home, Mr. Tater?" I lied and said the wrong time.

I have a "Fresh Values" card from Dominick's and they called me and because of my bad credit they have lowered the savings I can get when I shop there. My library sent me a letter and for the same reason, my fines will be higher if I am late returning a book or a video which doesn't matter because all they carry now is DVDs and only a handful of old, worn out video tapes. I keep watching Blues Brothers because it's in the best shape. Mother won't go in on a DVD player with me. Slap. Another syndrome I have is where I think I didn't lock what needed to be locked and sometimes I ride downtown thinking I didn't lock my bicycle which will be gone when I return and I spend the whole night at work despairing over the theft of my bicycle which is always locked up when I get back. I heard of a guy who had a syndrome where he would seal an envelope and then have to rip it open because he thought he put his daughter in the envelope before he sealed it or he would plant something and then dig it up to make sure he didn't accidentally put his daughter in there before he filled the hole with dirt or he would turn on the oven and have to go back there to make sure she wasn't in the oven. I have a syndrome where I just can't eat a sweet potato. I choke on it and my eyes water. I think, once, in school, they served us a yam with our food and I thought it was a giant carrot. When I took a huge bite, the texture was so weird I gagged. Every syndrome has an origin, I think. I also can't eat a beet. In one school they used to make each kid take a turn scraping everybody else's plate into a giant diced beet can. It was really gross, because nobody ever ate anything and their plates were always full. That's how syndromes begin. Another thing I have is when I go into my trailer a gang of teenagers is waiting for me inside and they beat me up. I'm always ready for "action" if you know what I mean, when I unlock the door. But now I come home at 8 in the morning so it's not as nervous. My other syndrome is not a brain one, it's physical. I am getting skinnier and skinnier. All my clothes that didn't fit anymore are fitting again. I blame it on CHASE, for making me so nervous all the time.