The Maternal Unit:  What are you bringing for Thanksgiving?

Me:  Same thing I always bring, green bean casserole.

Maternal Unit:  Don't bring that.  Take that to Grandma and Chester's (The Tall One's Parents).  I want champagne.

 And not just any champagne, it's actually an Italian Spumante she wants.  You can only find it at one wine store in our town.  This store is in no way convienient to anything.  Of course.

But when the Maternal Unit asks, I do.  And in this case, I bought two bottles anticipating a similar request at Christmas.  38 years has taught me a lot about the Parental Unit.

But this isn't going to be one of those "I hate the holidays beause my family makes me want large quantities of Xanax" stories.  I actually enjoy the holidays because my family is crazy.

If your momma doesn't make you nuts she's not doing her job.  Do you have any notion how crazy you drove her from the time you were two until probably you graduated college or got married?  Or both?  Unless of course you married someone she didn't like.  In which case, you're still making her want large quantities of Xanax.

This,  my friends, is payback.

Payback for all those times you flushed entire boxes of Cheerios.

Payback for pulling a television over on yourself.

Payback for covering the cat in blue polka dots with your dad's Flair pen.

Payback for throwing the mother of all tantrums and prostrating yourself on the floor of the mall on Black Friday.

Payback for waxing the kitchen floor withe Wesson Oil.

Really, isn't it a surprise we lived to adulthood at all?

While you may be thinking you need Xanax to deal with your family during the holidays, perhaps you should be finding a way to share it with them.  Of course, you could always just buy a bottle of an obscure Italian Spumante.

Happy Thanksgiving!