This thing is really tearing me to bits.
And please don't think that I'm just picking nits.
It's so egregious I might call it quits.
From Honolulu out to Massachus - etts
I'm haunted by this bit of English use - it's
Possession, by the singular third person,
Sans gender. And its fate began to worsen
When each of us became a logophile,
With no Chicago Manual of Style.
(Perhaps we write without the use of editors
Because they'd just be added to our creditors.)
So I'll just jump right in and point it out,
This thing that I get all worked up about:
When IT takes hold of something and it fits,
Then written English says the thing is ITS.
IT'S ITS. It isn't IT'S... if it IS it's,
It's DOING something. OWNING it, is ITS.
IT'S simple. IT'S simplicity ITSelf.
IT'S there in ev'ry book along the shelf.
ITS elegance and ITS simplicity
Address a tricky ambiguity.
This itsy bitsy bit of English writ
Demanded that we arbitrate for it,
And though the spelling seems inadequate,
It's how we cope with ownership by IT.
It isn't IT'S. It's ITS. Not IT'S. It's ITS.
It's IT'S if it's IT IS... not ITS, but IT'S.
Thank you for list'ning. Now I goes and sits.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Alysa Salzberg
Melissa Miles McCarter
Scarlett Sumac
jlsathre
Matt Paust
Jowita Bydlowska
Salon.com
Comments
Just perfect.
Don't even get me started about stray apostrophes all over the place. (Do they breed in the dark?)
I saw on a large plastic (professionally produced) banner outside a restaurant the other day:
Magic Music Monday's
7-10 p.m.
I cringe. I really do. Thanks for writing this. I shall go and sleep with my Chicago Manual under my pillow.
'TIS wonderful that you write this poem on ITS and IT'S.
(I often like to use 'TIS ... especiall in my poetry ... do you have any thoughts on that one?)
Rated with hugs
For the rest, I am there and so understand. If I were teaching now, I would love to share this to show I am not alone and perhaps to give my students a way to remember.
Finally, I can hardly believe that you have managed this in iambic pentameter! I bow to you this morning, Bard!
hugs: not to worry. I wasn't singling anyone out!
tril: it was a great deal of fun to write. Thank you for the generous title; however all I did was follow rules. I just happen to love them.
froggy: it's everywhere, isn't it. But have you noticed that MS Word flags it rather nicely?
sweetfeet: thank you, you are indeed sweet. And so is the compliment. If you are confused, that was part of my plan. But I triplechecked it all -- I swear I think it's correct.
Kate: first, thank you. Second, you know, it's just me, but I'm not a big fan of 'tis. I try really hard to stay with common, modern English usage, and we just don't say 'tis (here in the U.S. anyway... what about down under?). However where I grew up, they still say t'ain't. Hmmmm...
Linda: I'll be happy to... left or right? (Can't tell from here.)
anna1: what you suggest is, really, an honor. Thank you. And I'll shorten it a little for teaching: I realized when I was done that "It's simplicity itself" is a good, simple mnemonic. The rest of the poem is sheer entertainment.
Pilgrim: thank you! I know how carefully you choose your words.
Cynthia: hey! welcome! thanks for coming! And that was really nicely put. Come back tomorrow, ok?
Moose, you win a prize for "iambic pentempertantrum." (Nuts, I wish I'd thought of it first...)
Thank you all for coming by. I believe this will be my last rant on typography -- spurious quotation marks "don't bother me nearly as much!"
Goodnight!