I sent this letter yesterday to you,
But I have not heard back until today.
I know this mail surprises to you too,
Since we have not had anything to say.
However strange this contact might now seem
As we have not had dealings in the past,
I humbly ask that you might duly deem
Its worthiness and benefit to last.
I have a simple bus'ness proposition
That by the Special Grace of God Almighty
Will augment your societal position.
I promise this is not a junk, or flighty.
On 10 October of 2005
An ELVIS ANDERSON, an engineer,
Deposited while he was still alive
8 million US Dollars over here.
The beneficiary was his son,
Greg Anderson, official Next of Kin.
It's five years later now, and neither one
Can be located. It would be a sin
To let the government lay down a claim
To what this man has left behind. His sweat
Would just be stolen blindly, in the name
Of clearing up corrupt offcials' debt.
So we must work together, you and me.
My plan is that you pose as Greg the son,
The foreigner the bank would like to see --
And when the proper documents are done,
The money will be wired from me to you.
But first I have a little work to do.
I'll need your address, Full Name, and your Cell.
I know that we will work together well...
(The email was an ordinary thing.
I thought I'd see if I could make it sing.)
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Alysa Salzberg
Melissa Miles McCarter
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Comments
To fulfill my wildest dreams
Of bundled bucks in loaded trucks
Deposited upon request.
In reality, no jest.
But what the hell!
I'm no gull
It has a smell
Full of bull.
Muttering a just "goddamn"
Another piece of lousy spam.
Who could ignore a letter from you.
asked if i wanted to be friends
then there's the one who lives in Alaska
and another i don't know where, they all are asking for my photo
and email
creeps
As many of these as I get, you'd think there's someone selling software in English-speaking Africa for it: "Spanish Prisoner Scam by Email! With 10 Easy-to-use Templates!"
And I wrote it because (true story): I circle the apartment a lot at posting time, looking for a subject, or a first line. It can get pretty late, and pretty painful. I do compulsive things during that, like check my OS email. And there it was. A gift.
Jan, Nigeria was an excellent guess. It was late -- I pretty much forgot to get a verse in about the country.
Linnnn, who knows. Maybe I should send it out?
anna1, aha! And you would be my first target!
Lea, thank you. It makes me too happy to think of something clever to say. Thank you.
Brassawe, thanks. At 1:35am, I really wasn't sure.
hugs, talk is cheap. But I'm not holding my breath on that rich thing.
Midwest, glad you enjoyed it.
Maryway, thank you.
trilogy! No, I am a BIG devil. So there.
vanessa, I happened to discover on Kim Gamble's blog some months ago, that in Australia, "creep" is a MUCH stronger word than in the U.S. This would augment your sentiment about the Alaskan and his pals, I think.
Thank you all so much. Your patience while I've left you all dangling has been exemplary. The last few nights are catching up with me (again). Goodnight!