Divorce Bard's Blog

...Iambic pentameter is for the ear. Read it out loud.

Divorce Bard

Divorce Bard
Location
pretty how town, USA
Birthday
February 13
Bio
While the ashes of marriage #2 were cooling, I began a journal here in verse, to keep myself out of trouble. So far so good, and one day at a time. I took a hiatus this past January, and I missed it terribly. Writing daily had changed the way I think - not my opinions, but the process of thinking itself. So here I am back again, and hungry. I began with three rules: (1) Iambic pentameter, (2) Perfect rhyme, and (3) It had to be true (no hyperbole). I hereby amend rule number 3: If I'm writing about myself, yes, it has to be true. But it doesn't, if I want to tell a story.

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NOVEMBER 1, 2010 1:51AM

Treat. Sunday October 31, 2010

Rate: 11 Flag

I'd write an epic ode to Halloween;
The greatest neighborhood I've ever seen
Is MINE, around the corner -- and I'm dead.
With trick-or-treating, freelance work, and dishes
And keeping up with ev'rybody's wishes
I'm all maxed out.  I have to get to bed.

But Halloween was just extraordinary:
The loot was even more than customary.

The kids are sleeping off a heady thrill
That's worth remembering.  I think they will.

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Australia does not celebrate this thing
Called Halloween. It sounds like lots of fun
To dress up like a ghost; have fairy wings
And magic wands! Anything can be done!

But slowly commercial wheels are spinning
And soon we too will be trick or treating!
Just for fun a long time ago I thought to write a poem about witches that celebrated the basically nauseating things that fascinate them and somehow kids might find delightful in its frightful horror.


DISGUSTIBUS

Beware of trolls in toilet bowls
And witches in the sink.
They make their spells
From cockroach shells
Overstuffed with stink.
With screeching cries they squint their eyes
In maniac frustration
When some poor soul sits on his bowl
With concrete constipation.
They slice up farts and take the parts
Which they roll out flat.
Then, folded queer, stuck in one ear,
They wear it for a hat.
With blood red eyes, they bake shit pies
In searing white hot ovens.
While they scream, they spread whipped cream
And serve it to their covens.
With grunts and groans and drawn out moans
They compliment the cook
And vomit in each other's laps
To take a second look.
Then with a "glup" they swallow up
The predigested feast
Washed down with foaming tankards
Of piss from some old beast.
Flashing grins they wipe their chins
And burp and sigh content.
The odor from this dining hall
Can forcefully dement
And crack the strongest household wall,
Dissolving the cement.
Revive when possible.
Sounds like a good time was had by all. Ours was rather quiet this year, but that was OK too.
so glad for your gladness...r
What memories you do weave here, Bard, for your two there and for all who read here.
What? They got Teuscher chocolates in your burg?

I'm dreaming of the night you go to sleep before midnight...

Jan Sand's poem is fabulously gross and amusing.
The memory of one Halloween Greenwich Village parade is so distant I can only remember the color of it, like a fading taste.
One day, I'll go back and sit on the steps of a house and watch the revelers.

@Jan Sand: My kids would just love that.
It was fun, but trying to sneak this "loot" out of the house, one piece at a time is another thing.r
I'm sure they will. another great poetic effort. rated
Halloween's so fun with young kids. Your poem portrayed that so well.
Hello everyone. Thanks for coming by.

Kate: no Halloween? But they even have it in *France* now!

Jan: I'll read this to my kids when I'm finished heaving over the porch rail. Actually, it's awfully good.

scupper: oh man, I revived them this morning at 7:15 to get ready for school. And it wasn't easy.

Pilgrim: then I know where you *don't* live. One of the families on the street said they spend $300 on Halloween candy every year. The place is like Grand Central.

Muse, I have been lucky enough for three years running, to get Halloween all to myself. It's as good as Christmas (which I don't).

anna1, yes, and I keep telling the kids that, too. I'll get back to you in 20 years, to let you know if it sinks in.

vanessa, did you know that parade is actually organized into a parade now? It used to be the entire village, just wandering around.

c&v, oh there you go mentioning something I don't know about. Hang on, I have Google here somewhere... (and I'm dreaming of that night too).

hugs, yeah, that "sneaking" part. It's all just one candy steamroller, from here to Christmas.

Caroline, thanks kiddo. And yes, I think at this point they will. The three years' running will help.

trilogy: boy, is it ever. Next year I have to hit the dollar store in time to get some decorations for the porch. My son was bummed that we hadn't put up any spider web.

Thank you all. I'm going to bed uncharacteristically early! And I'm going to sleep in!
We have children living on this block again so I got to give candy out again this year.