Divorce Bard's Blog

...Iambic pentameter is for the ear. Read it out loud.

Divorce Bard

Divorce Bard
Location
pretty how town, USA
Birthday
February 13
Bio
While the ashes of marriage #2 were cooling, I began a journal here in verse, to keep myself out of trouble. So far so good, and one day at a time. I took a hiatus this past January, and I missed it terribly. Writing daily had changed the way I think - not my opinions, but the process of thinking itself. So here I am back again, and hungry. I began with three rules: (1) Iambic pentameter, (2) Perfect rhyme, and (3) It had to be true (no hyperbole). I hereby amend rule number 3: If I'm writing about myself, yes, it has to be true. But it doesn't, if I want to tell a story.

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NOVEMBER 6, 2010 1:26AM

Balance Due #2. Friday Nov 5, 2010

Rate: 16 Flag

Another letter from the IRS
Reminded me of painful obligation.
I've really got to fix this stupid mess
(And lend a hand in bailing out the nation).

They haven't even got the story straight;
They haven't even read the sequel yet. 
2008 will keep me working late.
2009 is icing on the debt.

I feared my credit worthiness was toast -
A status we Americans fear most.

But there beside the letter was a gift,
Assuring me I wasn't yet adrift:
An auto loan!  I'd been pre-qualified!
I wasn't shopping, and I hadn't tried!

My credit status ought to be obscene,
On life support, or even DOA.
Besides, I'd heard that credit would be lean,
Once President Obama'd had his way.

These companies, with all their open doors
Must use their credit cards to tile the floors.
They haven't stopped with all their Money Smores.
They're just a bunch of credit sluts and whores.

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Comments

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At least you can see the humourous side! Good for you!
cleaning up your credit is good. remember to get all the deductions you can. and sometimes you can negotiate debt reduction. bad credit is not the STD we've all been making it out to be.
Anyone who can make poetry out of the IRS and debt is a true artist. Excellent as always.
Been there, done that. Love to stop and read your poetry. Keep up the sense of humor!
Sorry about the letter. Mail that worries is no gift at all.
I have spontaneous intestinal detonations whenever a friendly IRS note crosses our threshold...I really hope you can get everything cleared up. It is such a chore to straighten all that out.
There are advantages to being absurdly broke. I should be grateful.
But hey! a car!
This was great!!!! "Must use their credit cards to tile the floors"--now that's a very powerful image!!!!
"Money Smores" is brilliant. It is amazing to continue to receive credit card offers. Makes me want to take a vacation . . . .
Ah, those 'prequalified' loan offers . . . they're the salt on the cut, aren' they ? I stuff them in their pre-paid envelopes with a "NOT INTERESTED" scribble across the page and put them in the mail.
~R
Wonderful. The file of my communications with the IRS go back to the days before the newer, friendlier version of that institution. It was an ongoing dialogue for years. I am square with them now, which allows me to enjoy your poem.
Another great one. Just remember (and I'm thinking of the comment you just made on my blog), whenever you think you crashed and burned or haven't accomplished what you want in life, just think of the people who look forward so much to reading your work, as I do.
Your poem cheered me up about my own woes with the IRS-- recently settled in my favor.
Debt sucks. It still amazes me that you can crank out such great poetry about these things!
Thank you for your treatment of the IRS and credit card purveyors in verse.
I like this side of you ! r
Hi everyone, and thanks for your reading and support. I did not anticipate getting comments from others in a similar (past or present) situation. Congratulations to all who are now on the other side of this. I swear I'm going to make the stupid phonecall Monday morning.

Kate, humorous? An affinity for the absurd, really.

Oryoki, thank you for continuing my metaphor - I felt guilty using the word "whore" after your October 17 post. STD? Didn't even think of it, and now I wish I'd said it first.

froggy, artist? I was just struck by the irony of those two letters together in the mailbox. But thank you, I love it when you say that.

Antoinette, congratulations to you, whenever you were there, did that. And thanks for fessing up.

anna1, thanks for the empathy. And don't forget this was a sequel. I knew it was coming, and pretty much when. So I survived the part about opening the envelope and reading the letter. So far, so good.

Linnnn, if there are any tax collectors reading, you've just made them very happy, knowing there are innocent citizens out there that they can scare the pants off of. :)

vanessa - whoa, hold on. I'm not buying a car! I just got this totally unsolicited prequalification thing in the mail. No, a car would preclude any grocery shopping for at least 2 years.

Muse, are you revving the motor? We going somewhere?

Midwest, I'm glad you enjoyed that. But it's fair, don't you think?

Pilgrim yes, and with all those free introductory frequent flier miles! (Glad you liked the smores bit).

Fusun, aha! So they try to ensnare our Canadian neighbors as well, eh?

Brassawe, did I just stumble into a meeting of the Married Twice And In Debt to the IRS Club? Glad to know I'll fit right in.

Caroline, thank you so much. If it gets too bad, maybe I'll start a separate blog... how does "Tax Bard" sound?

maryway, congratulations for the settlement, and congratulations for the "recently" part. Here's to recovery!

sweetfeet, I've always heard "write what you know". Voila.

pastvoices, you are quite welcome. There may be more, depends on what they want to actually take out of my hide.

hugs, thanks so much. I actually saved the mail for three days, to wait for a slow night. I'm glad you liked the result.

::head on desk:: sanks ev'one. 'night. (zzzzzzzzzzzzz....)
My casting of the roles of prostitute, pimp, and john might be different from yours, but I certainly get the vexation.