In his song, "Levon," Elton John sings: "Levon sells cartoon balloons in town." I don't know what that means exactly, but A. it's a damn fine song and 2. it's a testament to Sir Elton's fine lyrical prescience to capture the vacuous brilliance of America's latest newcomer to the fifteen minutes… Read full post »

This holiday season, give yourself the gift of a new, intoxicating fragrance: "Blameless" by Sarah Palin.  "Blameless" combines a sultry blend of evasion, delusion, and hypocrisy distilled with the musky scent of moose and hockey mask.  Simply dab a bit of "Blameless" behind the ears or app… Read full post »

She's given away free cars, single-handedly reversed global illiteracy, brought the pipeline of education to young women in Africa, and helped launch the presidential candidacy of a young, African-American senator.   The only things Oprah hasn't accomplished (yet) is reversing the earth's rotati… Read full post »

 NBC's beloved, Emmy-award winning 30 Rock made its debut on German television earning a 0.0 rating, or in American terms, a rating in between Parker Lewis Can't Loose and The Dana Carvey Show.  Some critics speculated that the show's pop-culture-laden writing contributed to viewer confusio… Read full post »

"Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see," says Linus to the starry-eyed Sally as they hunker down in the pumpkin patch to wait for the mysterious and elusive Great Pumpkin. "No sign of hypocrisy here."

Peanuts creator Charles Schulz mastered the art of rendering an adult sensibility toward… Read full post »

*You will go blind

*You will grow wings and a tail

*You will become a psychotic baby killer

*You will become a Republican

These are among the only reasons I will accept in favor of NOT allowing same-sex marriage. I was trying to work something out with battery acid and kittens,… Read full post »

Football legend Rosey Grier said it best in that feel-good classic from the 1970s, Free to Be You and Me:  "It's alright to cry." That was the 1970s, read: a culture just slightly less sexist, mysoginist, racist, and repressed than in those martini-swilling Mad Men days of yore.  Here we ar… Read full post »

I never questioned why Porky Pig appeared in nothing but a smart, blue coat without any pants or was proudly thumping a base drum in an Anytown Loonytoon USA parade.  I guess I always knew on some level that pigs and humans were not that different. Both species are smart dressers,… Read full post »

She's expecting her second? How wonderful? Is she going to keep the nursery the same safari/animals of the world theme or mix it up? Oh her husband must be so excited! Hmm? What now? I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood; no husband you say? Well the single mom route is not… Read full post »

Recently, Momar Khadafi, that loveable dictator and all-around crazy guy, addressed the United Nations, railing against the west.  News cameras panned over the abandoned delegation seats of representatives from the United States, France, and Britain.  The footage was interspersed with shots… Read full post »

Now that the financial crisis is a waning memory and the gold luster has returned to the streets and people are back to buying iphones for their cats, the O-BAM!-a Administration can get on with the task of saving the environment.  Yes, give us your recylcables, your green business practices, yo… Read full post »

CNN's Campbell Brown recently reported on a story about a Cincinatti mother who lost her job at a Totes/Isotoner warehouse after taking unscheduled breaks to pump milk for her infant.  Initially, the mom, LaNisa Allen, had been given permission to pump in a warehouse bathroom during a specified… Read full post »

CNN's Campbell Brown recently reported on a story about a Cincinatti mother who lost her job at a Totes/Isotoner warehouse after taking unscheduled breaks to pump milk for her infant.  Initially, the mom, LaNisa Allen, had been given permission to pump in a warehouse bathroom during a specified… Read full post »

On the recent finale of the reality series Big Brother, host Julie Chen bravely or foolishly put herself in the critical cross hairs of the fall fashion season.  Resembling the poofed and padded Violet Beauregarde from the original Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory who bloated up into a gr… Read full post »

Another star flickers, wavers, and disappears from the ranks of Hollywood glitter.  In the hours and days to come, actor Patrick Swayze, who lost his battle with pancreatic cancer, will be memorialized and tributized by every media outlet with a bit of bandwith to spare.  He will be honored… Read full post »

In the wake of a controversial awards show evening at the MTV Video Music Awards where Kenya West bullied his way onstage to verbally hijack the sweet, demure award-winning Taylor Swift's acceptance speech, MTV executives are waking up this morning to hard headlines and even harder truths:

 No o… Read full post »

Proof that the Tribble living onto of embattled ex-Governor Rod Blagojevitch's head is finally leeching what's left of his brain surfaced in remarks he made to the AP this week.  Blagovitch claimed he might try and subpoena President Obama for his trial and that statements he made on FBI wire ta… Read full post »

An inviting fire crackles in the wrought-iron fireplace in the center of the room.  In one corner, a woman with a guitar strums softly, putting a new twist on an old Dylan tune; people are relaxing on overstuffed couches and large living room chairs. Some people hunch over the white, steril… Read full post »

Parents and educators across the country are fuming at President Obama's latest attempt to continue his diabolical program of mind control over the nation's youth with a highly anticipated address to school children this Tuesday.  The President will deliver remarks from a giant, futuristic jumbo… Read full post »

By July, I knew it was inevitable to resist.  A cheerful looking "smart mom" type, just bursting with pride at being "smart" about spending "smartly" during the recession appeared on the screen to chirp: "It's never too late to start saving up for the holidays, and Kmart's Christmas Card makes i… Read full post »

You can put lipstick on a pitbull, but you can't make it last.  Former Governor of Alaska and one-time vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is showing her true hockey mom colors: switching teams and playing for herself.  Palin recently turned down an opportunity to speak at the National Fe… Read full post »

"How will I know/if he really loves me?" sang Whitney Houston at the height of her pop-ularity in the 1980s. We remember her in just that moment: crimped hair, cute hip-hugging dress, pipes that resounded in pristine melodic waves.  Her anthem to that queasy feeling of mutual infatuation and fas… Read full post »

Employment: It’s Not Me, It’s You

There it wasn’t in my inbox.  My borderline obsessive compulsive policing of my email for any news from prospective employers was met with mocking absence save for cheap med offers and the random e-coupon.  Like thousands of Americans, I/… Read full post »