I never questioned why Porky Pig appeared in nothing but a smart, blue coat without any pants or was proudly thumping a base drum in an Anytown Loonytoon USA parade.  I guess I always knew on some level that pigs and humans were not that different. Both species are smart dressers, both enjoy a good laugh, (thanks Porky and the Loony Toons gang) and both get the flu.  The difference between "sapiens" and "bovines?" Well, humans are pigs: messy, dirty, disgusting, unclean, hand sanitzing company stock soaring, germy messes.

When the nation isn't transfixed by a yokel's Jiffy-pop balloon boy hoax, we are held tight in the kung-fu grip of the dreaded H1N1 Virus Formally Known as Swine Flu.  This little amoebic strain of viral deadliness has not only monopolized news coverage (interrupted briefly by the exploits of Mr. Wizard Wanna-be and the boy who cried 'Up.'), but it has fundamentally altered the way we conduct most social and professional rituals.  News coverage of the epidemic detailed how common activities such as intramural sports or, I am not making this up, the popular college drinking game "beer pong" have changed significantly in the wake of the flu.  It's no longer sexy to get a disease from drinking out of the same beer cup.  However, this seems to apply only to the Swine Flu; getting mono from any source is still considered "wkd ht lol!"  Other sources noted that most Catholic churches have emptied their holy water fonts, stopped clasping hands during the prayers for peace, and did away with sharing communal wine.  I guess pressing your lips to the cup where another's phlegmy, congested lips had just been never mattered before.  

Likewise, popular hand sanitizing dispensers have bloomed like exotic fauna in the hallways and classrooms of schools, in office buildings, and at health clubs.  Miss America is finally getting to make good on her pageant promise of healing the world one soap dispenser at a time by teaching people the world over how to wash their hands. Let us pause for a moment to soak in (pun intended) that last bit: health care providers teaching people how to wash their hands.  I believe this was one of the first things I learned from Mr. Rogers at the age of 4, so how is it that grown adults have missed this little life skill?  And if people were unable or unwilling to wash their hands properly prior to this most recent global hiccup, it makes me shudder to think what other things were going neglected by a thorough scrubbing.

Pigs may have brought this disease upon us, but we have brought an even nastier realization upon ourselves.  We take the most menial things for granted until it suddenly matters, and then we scramble to cover our disgusting, filthy tracks in order to maintain our cultural superiority.  At least pigs wallow in their own muck shamelessly out in the open, sometimes even wearing a snappy blue sport coat and bow tie, and that's all, folks.