Scientists claim that humans could run 40 mph in theory and on steroids.

Barnes & Noble owned B. Dalton bookstore recently closed in the town of Laredo TX, leaving the community without a bookstore. Now teenagers will have to go back to making out in the library.

 Bubble wrap packing material turned 50, officially making it the only material not found in Joan Rivers' face. 

A brothel in Nevada just hired its first ever male prostitute. In related news, Tiger Woods was recently spotted near a brothel in Nevada.

The International Space Station finally got internet access this week. The access was short lived when NASA discovered that someone had put the space station up on Craig's List. It was under "missed connections" too, ouch.

Russian olympic skators offended Australian Aborigines  with their portrayal of the country's original people in their skating routine.  On a related note, Yakov Smirnoff is still offensive to both Russians and Aborigines. 

An evocative photograph of Cindy McCain, wife of senator John McCain, is making waves.  The photograph shows a stunning Cindy McCain with duct tape across her mouth in protest of  California's proposition 8, the legislature that bans same sex marriages.  Apparently people are still outraged over the fact that someone as hot as Cindy McCain could wind up with a fossil like John McCain.

 Dr. Mark Hyman issued a detailed report about the medical progress in Haiti.  Reporters could not comment further on Dr. Hyman's statement because they were too busy giggling over his name.