This week the Discovery Channel announced a deal to produce a reality show about Alaska hosted by the state's former governor, recent vice presidential candidate, and current lipstick loving, pig eating, book signing, Tea Party Bagging, maveric, Sarah Palin. Palin's numerous anti-enviornment beliefs/policies and the Discovery Channel's pro-nature programming (Planet Earth, Planet Green, Animal Planet) make it a strange coupling indeed. Here's a look inside a production meeting for Sarah Palin's Alaska
Sarah Palin: Good morning folks, how ya doin? I brought some coffee and doughnuts cause I know how you media types like your freebies. I didn't make the doughnuts, though. My live in maid, Tookeet's, cousin's husband drives the local Fryhoffer truck, so, you know, gotta support that local economy. You betcha!
Producer: Um..thanks. Ok. Let's get started then. Ms. Palin--
Sarah Palin: Call me She-Wolf.
Producer: Excuse me?
Sarah Palin: You know, cause I'm a maverick. I'm on the hunt, but I'm also hunted, and hungry like the She-Wolf! Oh, doncha know I used to love that Duran Duran! Could we get them to do the theme song?
Producer: Uhh..I really don't think...that is, I don't feel comfortable--
Sarah Palin: Aww what's the matter, now? You afraid of the She-Wolf? Afraid she's gonna git you by the ankle and drag you back to her lair where SHE'LL be the one askin the questions about Russia and foreign policy, makin YOU look like you were a second rate pumpkin knockin around on a third rate turnip cart?
Producer: Uhh..I don't even know what you're--- Ok. I think we're getting off task here. Let's just stick to the show, ok?
Sarah Palin: Okey dokey! You betcha! You're the expert. I'm just the folksy hockey mom in She-Wolf clothing. You betcha!
Producer. Is that like a tick or something?
Sarah Palin: Is what? You betcha!
Producer: Never mind. Let's get off the wolf thing, ok, and let's..let's just just talk about the show? Ok?
Sarah Palin: You betcha!
Producer: Thank you. What we're going for here, is really showcasing the majesty of an Alaska that few people get to see.
Sarah Palin: I couldn't agree more. This is my home and one true love you know. Even though I am usually jetting around the country signing books or reading off my hand at Tea Party conventions or leaving bags of flaming poo on Katie Couric's doorstep, and so I rarely spend any actual time here anymore, I mean, eepers-jeepers, why would you? Did you know in the lower-40 you can get food right in a store? You don't even have to shoot it! But, I love Alaska, I do, you betcha! It's one of the only places where my kids and their quirky, folksy names seem normal.
Producer: Fine. Ok, fair enough. Now, for the first episode we were thinking that you could take viewers inside the vital fishing industry.
Sarah Palin: That's a fine, howdy-doody-doncha-know idea, Bob. Can I call ya Bob? And while I'm at it, I could interview my second cousin, Ned, who works hard to keep that Pebble Mine running and I could show that closing that mine to protect the salmon fisheries would be playing into the hands of the dirty, Washington muckee-muck, big shot, Wall Streeters who want to put honest people out of work just because Disney made a movie about singing fish.
Producer. Uhh. Well...no, actually, that wouldn't--
Sarah Palin: Oh! And hey, doncha know, hows this for another ding-dang-doodly episode? I could ride a polar bear, bare backed...get it? That's a play on words there, Bob. Something I learned from that perky one, Katie Couric, anyway, I could ride a polar bear bare backed while hunting a pack of endangered Egrets!
Producer: Ms. Palin, with all due respect, that is NOT the image we want to portray!
Sarah Palin: Oh, don't get all upset there, Bob. Don't get your hockey skates twisted around the totem pole. What do you think I am? A lipstick wearing pig? Some kind of insensitive monster? Gosh darn diggity doggit doncha know that couldn't be further from the truth!
Producer: No, no of courese not. It's just that---
Sarah Palin: I wouldn't be going out to harrass God's creatures!
Producer: No! No of course not, I never thought--
Sarah Palin: I'd be armed of course! You gotta play to win with those liberal, furry fuckers, doncha know! I'm thinking we can probably get a few of those rocket launchers that are so popular these days. The Alaskian militia has a ton of 'em just sitting on up at the Rotary Club.
Producer: I think we're done here.
Sarah Palin: Great! Now, if you'll excuse me, boys, I've got some hate speech to whip up, a treatise to write on how aliens from Remular-6 are responsible for climate change, and a meeting with my voice coach to go over perfecting my tone of righteous indignation. This will be fun! You betcha!
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Comments
And I know plenty of Alaskans. They all breathed a sigh of relief when she quit. I bet they are dreading her being the spokesperson for the state.
And Ocular is So right.
Rated!
When's the last time 30,000 people showed up to hear you speak?
You folk just keep on laughing at conservatives like Palin and ignoring the colossal joke in the White House. It leaves a huge audience for humor largely unserved. Why do you think Beck and Limbaugh make such appalling amounts of money.
Smugness is not a good trait for a would-be humorist. Humor is, at it's best, honest and a two-edge sword as the Republican party has discovered to its own discomfort with conservatives humorists.
Just an observation.
What a joke and the joke keeps on joking. As the late night comedians said, she is the gift that keeps on giving.
She is however, laughing all the way to the bank. Since no one is taking her seriously or ever will, she is going to try to make as much money as she can before the celebrity wears off.
I still will never forgive McCain for foisting her on the American public and helping to turn her into an overnight wonder. Heaven help us if she really gets elected to something important.