Setting: Interior, bedroom, nightfall. SARAH PALIN kneels at her bedside praying.

 SARAH:  And please, God, doncha know, just do something about Nancy Pelosi's hair. I find it very anti-small government. Also, please make Martha Stewart return my calls. Amen.

GOD: Sarah.....

SARAH: What? Tripp? Trapp? Troop? Which kid is that, now?

GOD: Sarah, you know who this is!

SARAH: Oh Jimminey, is that you Letterman?

GOD: (sighs) No Sarah, it is I, the Supreme Creator!

SARAH: Nuggets! How long have you been listening?

GOD: The whole time, Sarah. It's how I roll.

SARAH: Well, isn't that just yankee-doodle-dandy! What can I do for you, God?

GOD: Sarah, I know what you said the other day. (pause) On FOX "news?"

SARAH: You just did air quotes around the "news" part, didnja? 

GOD: Stick to the subject, Sarah.  You said the Bible was the basis for American law and should further influence legislation. Ring a bell?

SARAH: Now how didja find out about that? I've said a bunch o' other more importanter things since then! Just this morning I said that Elana Kagen sounded like some kind of exercise move from the 70s.

GOD: I get the Huffington Post on my Twitter feed. I'm "hip" to social media, you know.

SARAH: Jammers!

GOD: That's right, Sarah.  You know you can't go around making those kinds of statements.  We're a diverse society now. There are many ways to worship me in all my forms. I'm even ok with South Park invoking my likeness.  Though, I had hoped they would use James Earl Jones for the voice...

SARAH: But I only wanted to show them Democratic fat cats that they can't keep taxing Americans and Joe the Plumber while the no-brain leftist media continues to erode our right to have guns and drill over there in Russia--

GOD: Sarah! Sarah! You're trying to distract me with your dizzying chain of non-sequitors.

SARAH: Jeepers!

GOD: Who do you think gave you the ability to do that? Hmm?

SARAH: Sorry, God. I just think that we should honor the founding fathers' design to have a republic based on values like integrity, morality, and mutual respect for all human beings as long as they don't knock up your daughter or make you look dumb in interviews. That's what the Bible is all about, right?

GOD: Look, I haven't read that thing in epochs, really.  I am in talks with Trump about a reality show based on some of it...but the point is, Sarah, if American law were based on the letter of the Bible....

SARAH: What?

GOD: Just take my word for it.

SARAH:  Tell me, God! I can take it, doncha know!

GOD: You would have been burned at the stake faster than a Biden gaffe makes the internet rounds.

SARAH: Jiggers!

GOD: I'm afraid so.  Let this be a lesson to you, Sarah.

SARAH: Okey dokey God. You know best! But, um, maybe there's a loop hole in there? Something about how it's ok for us to declare war on hostile nations like Mexico or Los Angeles?

GOD: Sarah---!

SARAH: Jackity-jeckets. Ok.

GOD: Good. I've gotta go, Sarah.  I promised Jay Leno I'd contact legal about getting his soul back. (sigh)