A chronology of a life misrepresented
It is not quite my one year anniversary of being on the internet. I was a late bloomer, me the IT person, felt nothing good could come of the International Super Highway, and I am still not convinced that I am wrong, since the demise of my life as I knew it probably ended because of it. But then again, not quite 10 months ago, it opened new doors. Or windows - literally and figuratively speaking. And here I am, doing what my father always insisted I do, and that is write. Just for the sake of writing.
One day Job was complaining to God that nothing was going his way.
And God answered:
“Do you give the horse HIS strength or clothe his neck with flowing mane?
Do you make him leap like a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting?
He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength: and charges into the fray.
He laughs at fear, and is afraid of nothing.
He does not shy away from the sword, the quiver rattles against his side along with the flashing spear and lance. In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground.
He cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.“
I watched Secretariat; unknowingly I picked it in my Netflix live streaming and left it on. It brought back the only good memory I have of my father in law, Jack Lindsey, when he and I watched him win the Preakness and ultimately the Triple Crown.
I had followed this horse’s career as a young girl when my father and I would go to the races. I recall clearly telling my father he would win, my dad of course called it what it was, a longshot. But he knew to listen to me.
You see, when I was ten and we went to off-track betting in Racine, I picked a jockey instead of a horse. The Jockey’s name was Mark, same as my little brother. I do not recall his last name, but I do remember him winning three races in a row, so I asked my dad for a buck and I placed my illegal underage bet. When I returned to the table and he saw my ante, he laughed and said he was glad he didn’t give me more money for such a frivolous wager. That jockey did, in fact, win four times in a row, and after that I was good luck, at least at the races; with my dad.
Sometimes he would use my birthday, age or other such seemingly random stake and he would win. So he bet on Secretariat and laughed at his probable loss. My father-in-law and I watched the Kentucky Derby and he rankled me about getting my father to place a generous bet on the unlikely hero of this story. It is the only time I ever remember him and I having certain camaraderie.
It sticks in my mind because this first unpretentious female-owned horse was such a magnificent master of his own destiny, all things seemed possible. And at that moment the seemingly impossible happened and I shared a moment with the most unlikely relationship. Secretariat and I would forever be linked in that one moment when he won by over thirty laps. A preposterous feat.
When I accidentally clicked VIEW in Netflix, I thought I had seen it all when it came to Secretariat. Why would a movie compel me? Then those words were spoken and I was once again transported to that magical moment when father, father-in-law, daughter and daughter in law, all celebrated my personal victory. Those words, from the bible, rewritten for the agnostic mind made me realize my self-deprecation has to seize.
I actually am writing to tell you why I haven’t been writing. Yes I am just that supercilious that I believe anyone really gives a shit. I am also that patently conscious that someone, if only one person, will read what I have to say. Then can my chosen initiative be considered a success.
At the very times you think there must not be a God otherwise bad things wouldn’t happen, it is those very events that prove there is, in fact, a God. He is a vengeful master and makes us contrite with His love when we need it the most. It never seizes to amaze me the cruelty we inflict on each other. Blood against blood. Love against love. Nothing is impossible if everything is possible. Everything comes back, sage advice. The passion of the moment may mean a lifetime of pain, if not for you, than for someone you love even more than yourself. I have seen the swift hand of justice deliver catastrophic blows in simple fate. If you think you’re immune, then you don’t think.
Did you ever not like someone and you don’t know why? Like John Malkovich. I can’t stand him and I have no idea why. He’s a great, believable actor, UNbelievable at times (great that is), in his craft, but I don’t like him. So much so, that I actually look for his movies NOT to watch, and then those are the very ones I end up watching. That is my appeal to many people. They don’t know why they feel compelled to be mean and dispirited with me, they just are.
I have far more intelligent things to say when I don’t talk so much. The very aspect of my being that attracts people to me ultimately drives them away.
I get far more enjoyment from my art and from my writing then I ever did from another human being. I have had countless requests to write letters for people, resume’s, complaints, reconciliations, thanks. I wish I were more introspective about that.
Ultimately, it makes nonesuch a prosperous living, but at least it garners a different kind of respect, better to be a starving artist than a rich politician. For instance that word nonesuch, it may never have been a word had I not idealized it. Who are we to say what is and is not a word when we are the inventor of words?
The written word gets far more respect than the spoken word, otherwise why would we embrace history so much?
Carve it on the bottom of some mammoth statue and it is suddenly virtue.
I have blown through TWO acers in lesws than a year. No support from the company, and the last comment from therm is "These are considered a disposable computer, that is why we price them so low."
How dare they???? We have children, grandchildren and great grandchildren that are inheriting this preposterous idea. Landfiulls are filled with computers, tvs, cellphones and microwaves, to name a few. At what point do we realize this and rectify it?
I have a new computer, Toshiba, and a wonderful friend who always looks out for me.
I am greatful to him as I am to all of you.
By the way IISTG means If It Seems Too Good to be True