This is an absolutely true story Book Index
My answer: “First things first, let’s first see if I make it to adulthood, then we skip the arguments and address what you feel I should be doing.”
As my story continues…finally, it is only a coincidence that it continues in a situation that I just recently did everything to avoid once again.
Where have I been for the last month?
Just in case you asked...I have had issues with my shoulder dislocating. My doctor has insisted on surgery, but I have done whatever I can to avoid it. Not only for the fact that after all it is surgery and that alone is dangerous, but it also means narcotics. And that was the very last place I want to ever be again. But alas, I fought it in vein and surgery was performed.
To avoid a new relationship with morphine and its happy sister Vicodin, I was given an option of staying at a physical rehab clinic. Vosswood was the choice and that is where I have been. That way not only was I getting the rehabilitation that I most certainly would have avoided had I gone home and been made to find a way every two to three days a week. They also doled out the medications and made certain that by the time I left, I was completely drug free.
And it worked. So here I am and ironically, this is exactly where I was in my story.
I was in rehab in 6 months.
Withdrawal is a bitch. It is painful, sickening and scary. The first three days you shake so hard you feel your bones are breaking. That is because when you take narcotics, your bone marrow quits growing. Once you stop it works overtime to make it up. You are constantly drenched from cold sweats. Forget about sleeping. Everything hurts, you are vomiting and I had one more problem, and that was my restless legs were back. I had to sleep in a tub of extremely hot water. That was the only place that my legs were calmed.
I was miserable. I would go to the front desk and ask them for anything to help me.
Their response “That just the craving, you need to learn to overcome that” “Bullshit, a craving is for something pleasurable that fills a temporary desire. Like watermelon when you are pregnant. This is the not the desire to have a temporary pleasure, this is the NEED to not feel this way. So take your psychobabble 12 step shit and shove it. You don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. The next time you have the flu, chills and feel like shit, I hope someone tells you to just shut up, it’s simply a craving.”
This is frickin worse than the flu. I actually had seizures.
And the 12 step program? Listening to everyone talk about their antics while trying to score, use, abuse only made things worse. And then the pep talks:
“Only two percent of you will be successful, and one out of 10 of you will probably be dead from your drug of choice within the next 10 years.”
Well then why the fuck bother?
Now I know I am going to get some guff on this, and that is why I am probably the only person that will actually speak up about it, but it doesn't work for everyone.
One of the leaders of this dog and pony show was a black guy who dressed like a pimp. Zuit Suit and hat matching boots. If the suit was magenta, the hat and shoes were as well. All perfectly matched with a festive faux silk tie and handkerchief and an offensive color shirt. Guess what? He was a pimp, retired…not so much, he had a new direction for his aggressive field of management. Trust me I’ve stepped on better things than him.
So he starts out the meeting saying he was a “different kind of pimp now”. He no longer scored drugs and sold women.
Now think about this, out of 100,000 sperm..he was the fastest. He was now a 12 step pimp. Yes, he said that. This son of a bitch actually said we were all his whores and he was going to lead us around like the filthy pathetic drugees we were and we were going to do his bidding. And we were paying for the privilege. Ok. Whoooooa. I got up and left immediately, which made a few of the other ladies get the courage to do so. I marched up to Dr. Decker’s office and asked him to sit in on this meeting, I explained what an unbelievably terrific job the guy was doing and he really needed to see this. You see if I complained, I would have been admonished back to the meeting. These people thrive off of successful ego trips and this was “one of his own”. He relegated himself to being some sort of a god at that point: But, you see, all gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings, and so, give them the power to pull ours.
It was rather comical. Dr. Decker came in and sat down behind the guy so Mr. Pimp couldn’t see him. As Mr. T continued, Decker locked eyes with me, I smiled, he smiled, shook his head and did a “naughty girl” shake of his finger at me. He then dismissed us, only 15 minutes in. The guy was fired. But he had already done his damage. We were pretty pathetic at that stage and vulnerable. Well all the other ladies were. I was simply put, fed up. How does an insurance plan cover a program with a 2% success rate?
Every meeting starts with “We are not to glamorize our drugs here. And then they proceed to do just that. I heard about everything from how luscious it was to take 15 Vicodin and how they were never able to get that first high again. How people cleaned their houses so well on drugs, worked better (or so they thought) on drugs. I heard about people doing crack, getting so sick they vomited all over the place, but once they did, “They were good!:” And then proceeded to tell what the high felt like. Now if I was a true addict, this would have sounded like a game plan. But I had no desire to do street drugs and meth and crack were supposed to be the worst and hardest to get off of. I found out you can get drugs off the internet, and I was told of the sites that did this.
They finally asked me to talk.
By the way IISTG means If It Seems Too Good to be True