(click on video to turn off music)
After 7 days or so of detox I was now initiated into the absurdity that is called 12 Steps.
After a week or so, I was expected to talk.
Well folks, these stories are pretty fucked up if you ask me. My story is my doctor prescribed me too much medicine and my partner dolled it out. I am here because I am really fed up with the monthly visits to the doctor, having to see him and then get my scripts. And because he was pretty well known for this, I had to wait 4 hours just to get in to see him. I have a life and a career. Frankly, I don’t know how all of you can live with having to “score”. I get it legally and that is one pain in the ass. “
A couple of them asked me how I was able to get the quantities of fentanyl I did and if it was being prescribed why would I WANT to get off of it.
Yeah, this program works.
And then there are the pharmacists who give you the evil eye every time you come in. In the movie Magnolia, Julianne Moore handled it pricelessly.
“How dare you HOW DARE YOU! “She screamed “I have sickness all around me, I have a husband who is dying and you dare to say that to me?”
This after the kid pharmacist made a remark about how powerful the drugs were and how someone cold really party hardy taking them. My pharmacist would just shoot pathetic looks at me while all the time counting his money after I paid his exorbitant prices.
Who wants to be an addict?
I know, the twelve step program works for a lot of people.
I just don’t have the mindset to sit a listen to people’s love stories about their drugs and watching the ex-meth addicts postulating over the souls of the newbies. Obviously the only time they would EVER be able to have that much power. Most of the ones I met couldn’t supervise a hamster cage. Yes there were a fair share of lawyers and management people, a few doctors (they were the quietest and the nicest) and the Anonymous thing? What the fuck…. It is as anonymous as a church roster.
One day Mel came to visit me and she recognized a young intern in for addiction to Fentanyl talking to his sponsor, another doctor. Mel said both their names. So there’s that. We aren’t supposed to talk about it out of the building, but let’s revisit those statistics. 98% of these people are going to use again. That means there gonna get royally fucked up. Do you really think they’ll respect their vows like a priest? How many drunks and drug users do you know that say “Man I know this guy who…”
And the “staff” meetings. Everyone shakes in their boots about “staff” meetings. It is a meeting where 4 of the staff and your doctor put you across from them, just like a parole board and they cut you to ribbons. And that works how? I usually sat there and sketched pictures. Their indignancies were profound. How dare I not shit in my drawers at the site of them? They forget, we have been told they are all ex-druggies as well. That is the requirement needed to work at a “Nut Hut”. You have to have had an addiction. So get this.
We also have “group” HAHAHAHAHa. This was like sitting in a kindergarten class. So in one of these groups, the leader told us about her addiction. And I know I shouldn’t divulge such a painful, debilitating issue with you, however, I must. She was addicted to co-dependence.
Yes folks, you heard it right here.
She was addicted to having bad relationships. I wanted to slap the shit out of her. Instead I donned a sympathetic ear and asked her to “go on…get it off your chest” which she did, ate up most of the hour, and I got three good papers in about how to use AutoCAD for a new lighting job we were doing. A productive day all around and I didn’t have to tell her shit, or hear about the girl who took 100 Tylenol because her husband told her she needed to lose weight. I wondered why she didn’t just overdose on diet pills, or those Ayds from the back of the Redbook magazine. That would have learned her husband alright.
That place is closed now.
The new thing is InterCARE where they keep you for two weeks, get you on Suboxone and if you are like me and have no desire to be addicted to anything but blogging, it pretty much takes care of the problem and you can get on with your life.
No more 12 step program.
I asked Dr. Spector why and he said “well we found they really don’t work that well and in some cases actually exacerbate the problem.”
Oh. I didn’t know.
Now I know that a lot of you go to these, some of you are part of that successful 2% and good for you. Then there is an entire population that simply needs an excuse to get out of the house.
Now the second drug he prescribes in tandem, Seroquel, is highly suspect. I heard that 9 out of 10 people are on anti-depressants and I take issue with that.
We are supposed to be sad sometimes, even depressed, that is human nature. But I feel sorry for the real bi-polars out there. Every person I know, except Jerry is on Seroquel. Out of the 140 or so tenants in this complex, I know of only 5 that have not been diagnosed as bi-polar.
They said I was. Of course.
But if that were so, I would get more done since I have heard the high manic periods are times of creativity. But my mind is always on an even keel. I tell my doctor I am taking the Seroquel but frankly, I have a shitty Medicare program and it costs $100 a month and I am presently decorating my new digs. So as I said, I tell him Yes, I am taking my meds, my Prozac, Seroquel yadayada. In reality, I haven’t taken it in months.
And what does he say? Guess. C’mon…Guess.
You got it
“Oh Dianne I can tell, can’t you, you are doing so well.”
But in his defense, he actually said I wasn’t typical. He gave me the Suboxone, I took it and left the hospital after 2 weeks never looking back. I am clean. But I am way ahead of myself as this issue happened very recently, well in the last two years and our story is still in 1998 and 1999.
Please again, I KNOW 12 step works for some. It just didn’t do the job for me. I found it highly suspect with the insurance issue. We were cured once our insurance ran out. I was a project manager for HCA Columbia, so I had a healthy plan. I wasn’t to be better for 45 days. I called my boss and begged him to call the insurance company and give them some BS so they would stop paying and lo and behold, I was all better in the requisite 28 days.
While at the Nut Hut, the 12 step fiasco, Wendy, my ex, came to see me. We had an interesting chat about her life, my life and how everything came out. I apologized for what I had done to her life by choosing Mel over her. It is part of the steps. Frankly, I did it because I craved visitors. There were tears and hugs and she was gone.
Bootsie came a few times. We would walk around the complex and everyone would say how cute we were together, before I would admonish them “She’s just a friend”.
When I got out, it didn’t take two weeks and Mel had me right back where I started. After all that pain and suffering to get off the shit, I was back on it. But she promised, this time would be different, she would be more responsible.
And as long as she held that key, she was assured I would be following her rules. Things were changing.
Now I welcome comments. Even the hateful ones that I am probably deserving of.
By the way IISTG means If It Seems Too Good to be True