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Dianne Schuch - Lindsey

Dianne Schuch - Lindsey
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Houston via Kenosha, Wisconsin, Texas, USA
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June 21
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Friend or Foe...your choice
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I am a graduate of the JeJune Institute with a Masters Degree in Pointless Endeavors. I regrettfully copyrighted my work. It isnt copyrighted/ Take what you wish. If I posted it on a public forum, I no longer consider it my own. I should just feel greatful you even want to read it and consider it entertainment or viable information. Enjoy

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NOVEMBER 7, 2012 4:03PM

12 Steps My ASS!...IISTG p96

Rate: 9 Flag
This is an absolutely true story Book Index

(click on video to turn off music)


One moment of madness is within all of us, the unlucky ones pay for it, the rest of us live without ever knowing it is within us and never learn to understand ourselves”

After 7 days or so of detox I was now initiated into the absurdity that is called 12 Steps.

After a week or so, I was expected to talk.

Well folks, these stories are pretty fucked up if you ask me. My story is my doctor prescribed me too much medicine and my partner dolled it out. I am here because I am really fed up with the monthly visits to the doctor, having to see him and then get my scripts. And because he was pretty well known for this, I had to wait 4 hours just to get in to see him. I have a life and a career. Frankly, I don’t know how all of you can live with having to “score”. I get it legally and that is one pain in the ass. “

A couple of them asked me how I was able to get the quantities of fentanyl I did and if it was being prescribed why would I WANT to get off of it.

Yeah, this program works.

And then there are the pharmacists who give you the evil eye every time you come in. In the movie Magnolia, Julianne Moore handled it pricelessly.

“How dare you HOW DARE YOU! “She screamed “I have sickness all around me, I have a husband who is dying and you dare to say that to me?”

This after the kid pharmacist made a remark about how powerful the drugs were and how someone cold really party hardy taking them. My pharmacist would just shoot pathetic looks at me while all the time counting his money after I paid his exorbitant prices.

Who wants to be an addict?

I know, the twelve step program works for a lot of people.

 

 

I just don’t have the mindset to sit a listen to people’s love stories about their drugs and watching the ex-meth addicts postulating over the souls of the newbies. Obviously the only time they would EVER be able to have that much power. Most of the ones I met couldn’t supervise a hamster cage. Yes there were a fair share of lawyers and management people, a few doctors (they were the quietest and the nicest) and the Anonymous thing? What the fuck…. It is as anonymous as a church roster.

One day Mel came to visit me and she recognized a young intern in for addiction to Fentanyl talking to his sponsor, another doctor. Mel said both their names. So there’s that. We aren’t supposed to talk about it out of the building, but let’s revisit those statistics. 98% of these people are going to use again. That means there gonna get royally fucked up. Do you really think they’ll respect their vows like a priest? How many drunks and drug users do you know that say “Man I know this guy who…”

And the “staff” meetings. Everyone shakes in their boots about “staff” meetings. It is a meeting where 4 of the staff and your doctor put you across from them, just like a parole board and they cut you to ribbons. And that works how? I usually sat there and sketched pictures. Their indignancies were profound. How dare I not shit in my drawers at the site of them? They forget, we have been told they are all ex-druggies as well. That is the requirement needed to work at a “Nut Hut”. You have to have had an addiction. So get this.

We also have “group” HAHAHAHAHa. This was like sitting in a kindergarten class. So in one of these groups, the leader told us about her addiction. And I know I shouldn’t divulge such a painful, debilitating issue with you, however, I must. She was addicted to co-dependence.

Yes folks, you heard it right here.

She was addicted to having bad relationships. I wanted to slap the shit out of her. Instead I donned a sympathetic ear and asked her to “go on…get it off your chest” which she did, ate up most of the hour, and I got three good papers in about how to use AutoCAD for a new lighting job we were doing. A productive day all around and I didn’t have to tell her shit, or hear about the girl who took 100 Tylenol because her husband told her she needed to lose weight. I wondered why she didn’t just overdose on diet pills, or those Ayds from the back of the Redbook magazine. That would have learned her husband alright.

That place is closed now.

The new thing is InterCARE where they keep you for two weeks, get you on Suboxone and if you are like me and have no desire to be addicted to anything but blogging, it pretty much takes care of the problem and you can get on with your life.

No more 12 step program.

I asked Dr. Spector why and he said “well we found they really don’t work that well and in some cases actually exacerbate the problem.”

Oh. I didn’t know.

Now I know that a lot of you go to these, some of you are part of that successful 2% and good for you. Then there is an entire population that simply needs an excuse to get out of the house.

Now the second drug he prescribes in tandem, Seroquel, is highly suspect. I heard that 9 out of 10 people are on anti-depressants and I take issue with that.

We are supposed to be sad sometimes, even depressed, that is human nature. But I feel sorry for the real bi-polars out there. Every person I know, except Jerry is on Seroquel. Out of the 140 or so tenants in this complex, I know of only 5 that have not been diagnosed as bi-polar.

They said I was. Of course.

But if that were so, I would get more done since I have heard the high manic periods are times of creativity. But my mind is always on an even keel. I tell my doctor I am taking the Seroquel but frankly, I have a shitty Medicare program and it costs $100 a month and I am presently decorating my new digs. So as I said, I tell him Yes, I am taking my meds, my Prozac, Seroquel yadayada. In reality, I haven’t taken it in months.

And what does he say? Guess. C’mon…Guess.

You got it

“Oh Dianne I can tell, can’t you, you are doing so well.”

Uh huh.

But in his defense, he actually said I wasn’t typical. He gave me the Suboxone, I took it and left the hospital after 2 weeks never looking back. I am clean. But I am way ahead of myself as this issue happened very recently, well in the last two years and our story is still in 1998 and 1999.

Please again, I KNOW 12 step works for some. It just didn’t do the job for me. I found it highly suspect with the insurance issue. We were cured once our insurance ran out. I was a project manager for HCA Columbia, so I had a healthy plan. I wasn’t to be better for 45 days. I called my boss and begged him to call the insurance company and give them some BS so they would stop paying and lo and behold, I was all better in the requisite 28 days.

While at the Nut Hut, the 12 step fiasco, Wendy, my ex, came to see me. We had an interesting chat about her life, my life and how everything came out. I apologized for what I had done to her life by choosing Mel over her. It is part of the steps. Frankly, I did it because I craved visitors. There were tears and hugs and she was gone.

Bootsie came a few times. We would walk around the complex and everyone would say how cute we were together, before I would admonish them “She’s just a friend”.

When I got out, it didn’t take two weeks and Mel had me right back where I started. After all that pain and suffering to get off the shit, I was back on it. But she promised, this time would be different, she would be more responsible.

And as long as she held that key, she was assured I would be following her rules. Things were changing.

Now I welcome comments. Even the hateful ones that I am probably deserving of.

 

 

dsl©2013 

 

More...


Blog Directory (also see the links section to the left.)
Page 1 Why did you try to kill yourself
Music: Dave Mason/So High

By the way IISTG means If It Seems Too Good to be True
Yes, this is absolutely positively true. If you lived this wouldn't you write about it? Some of the names of characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an account of actual events. Some of the events have been compiled together for the flow of the story. Even when I read my own work, I wonder how it could be so. But if you study your own life and compartmentalize it into less than 200 pages, you would be surprised how interesting it really is!

 

TRUTH HAS WITNESSES (Dianne Lindsey) ©
This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion withouthe express permission of the Author. All rights reserved ©

 

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Comments

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This sounds like my father's description of the Army. He hated it because blithering idiots were in complete control of his life.

Therapists tend to like group more than participants do, I think.

There was a time when we were trying to adopt a child. (Not the one we ended up adopting; this is before my son was born.) We went to support group once a month at the adoption agency because the people who ran the agency liked you to be there and you needed their help in finding a kid. Really, all it did was hurt. Other people got kids. Another couple got a kid on my wife's birthday. Real supportive. They meant well, but that's beside the point. It was political, not theraputic.
Kosher
That's the shittiest thing I have ever heard. And I write some shit!
I am so very glad you're back here.

This is a remarkable piece!

r.
I think I get it- I keep getting pulled to certain kinds of people, I'm hoping I'm past it now, but you never know, right?
Ha! I gotta say, Dianne, you have guts.
To go up against the Church. The New Church of Mother-Mary-and-Dr.-Gary.
Healing helping hands and tongues.
As one of the Bipolars (say hi to your crew of B-P’s from me…)you mention, I have been in all those rooms & then some! You hit it: it it Power & Solicitude & Sticky Sweet Handcuffs, but mostly , I have found, it is A WAY OF TALKING. You gotta know what you are supposed to say. We wily Bipolars, being rather brilliant, are terrific at saying just what they wanna hear.

e.g.
“How are you doing, really, Jim?”
Sigh. A settled contentment. A moment of reflection. A tentative smile. “You know, I don’t wanna jinx it, but I think…I am doing ok. Doing…better.”
“That’s great!”
“Yes. Yes.” Another look, of melancholic metaphysical proportions, off into the near distance..”Yes , it is. “
Silence.
If she is gonna try and pry something out of me with that old technique, I will shyly engage her eyes and sit expectantly, not showing anything but a doughy contentment.

Seroquel is what all the boys lined up for in Prison. So that they could get a nice night’s sleep.
If you ask me, many of the drug therapies currently prescribed afre way over touted as being "good" or "effective."
I once got prescribed an antidepressant, and it made my hands swell. After that, they tried ot give me something to help me sleep better at night (nightmares owing to past abuse) and it only made me see weird stuff whenever I closed my eyes. Creepy!
I had one of the worst childhoods on record at a hospital where these things got prescribed (early days of remembering), and I am currently not on any medication whatsoever. I know people who've been taking anti depressants for years and whose lives are full of unhappy feelings. One of them had to stop taking his as it only made him feel worse about life.
I'm all for knowing what it is I am dealing with so I can address the problem directly, so your words really resonate here.
Not everyone is like me, or like you, for that matter. I know someone whose life opened up when he began to finally take what had been prescribed for him. So it varies. The danger is in blanket statements which don't always fit.
As for the 12 Step program, the program itself did help me, but from a totally different angle, as I am not into obsessively doing drugs, alcohol, or casual sex. But it did help me to get my head straight on a number of factors concerning my family's malfunction, and it still helps me to know where I'm at when the road gets a little bit rocky.
Results vary from gathering to gathering, and some groups I've visited were no good at all while others I found very supportive, instructive and carefully run.
It's the luck of the draw....
R for an honest portrayal
For fear of being touted as rude please forgive my delays on writing. My right hand is dreadfully broken and just this but is painful enough. And I refuse the drugs, don't want ot ever go there again.
Now about this post:
Though I have very few people reading these days, the ones that are, were and are very emotionally taken by this one inparticular. I was convinced i was going to get a lot of people touting the wonders of 12 step. But I can see, pretty much, people can see right through it. The insurance covers this 2% success rate program, but I have to bargain with the devil to get my hand taken care of.

Please all who enter, read Koshers comment. That is about the crappiest thing I have read!

So please forgive...this is fopr all of you.
Thankyou for reading and especially for sharing.

James, you hity the nail on the head. dare I ask how you know about Seroquel in jail? hahaha
Seroquel does work with sleep, but my insurance won't pay, so it is $600. They sell it here at my complex for $2 a pill, it is a pretty hot drug. But it doesn't make one high. AT least not me.

Poor woman:
I am actually thrilled that it worked for you. But as you say, it coul very well be the pschological fine tuning that worked for your situation. And I am in favor of that for certain
What I forgot to write about was how they puut me on terrible drugs. I wanted to kill myself. They wouldn't take me off of them, so I did it myself.
You reminded me of that in your comment.

What is wrong with the old fashioned pills? Valium for example. They are having as many issues with seroquel as valium, but valium does not make any of the drug companies or the doctors who bottom feed richj. And needless to say, we know ALL the doctors are making money off of them.

Thank you all!
For fear of being touted as rude please forgive my delays on writing. My right hand is dreadfully broken and just this but is painful enough. And I refuse the drugs; don't want to ever go there again.
Now about this post:
Though I have very few people reading these days, the ones that are, were and are very emotionally taken by this one in particular. I was convinced I was going to get a lot of people touting the wonders of 12 steps. But I can see, pretty much, people can see right through it. The insurance covers this 2% success rate program, but I have to bargain with the devil to get my hand taken care of.

Please all who enter read Koshers comment. That is about the crappiest thing I have read!

So please forgive...this is for all of you.
Thank you for reading and especially for sharing.

James, you hit the nail on the head. Dare I ask how you know about Seroquel in jail? Hahaha
Seroquel does work with sleep, but my insurance won't pay, so it is $600. They sell it here at my complex for $2 a pill, it is a pretty hot drug. But it doesn't make one high. AT least not me.

Poor woman:
I am actually thrilled that it worked for you. But as you say, it could very well be the psychological fine tuning that worked for your situation. And I am in favor of that for certain.
What I forgot to write about was how they put me on terrible drugs. I wanted to kill myself. They wouldn't take me off of them, so I did it myself.
You reminded me of that in your comment.

What is wrong with the old fashioned pills? Valium for example. They are having as many issues with Seroquel as valium, but valium does not make any of the drug companies or the doctors who bottom feed rich. And needless to say, we know ALL the doctors are making money off of them.

Love to all who enter.
Laughed out loud at "Most of the ones I met couldn’t supervise a hamster cage."

Don't know much about 12 step programs or rehab, although one of my first jobs out of college was fielding calls for the local County Drug Abuse Services hotline. Unfortunately, there were more callers than services available so mostly what I did was listen to desperate people who REALLY needed help right away and offer to put them on the 2 to 3 month waiting list. I can't tell you how many times I heard "But I'll be DEAD in 2 or 3 months!" My 21-year-old's enthusiasm for working for the government waned shortly thereafter and I quit the job.
I have changed all the posts to the REAL names of the people, i.e.Willie is no Mel, Mandee is now Candee,