First item in a new line of Fox News products available online, now

New York City, NY, 5 November 2009.  Today, Fox News announced the introduction of commentator-branded promotional items. The first line of products carries the popular Glenn Beck's insignia. The flagship of the Beck line is an oral irrigation bag modeled after the one used daily by Beck. Although smaller than Beck's custom made personal bag, the Fox unit holds a full two gallons of Beckwash, the companion item to the bag. 

"We priced the Beck Bag at a fan friendly $19.95, barely above our cost," said Fox spokesperson Ham Handly, "because we expect Beckwash reorders to be our main profit maker." Questioned about the bag's jaw-stretching balloon-type nozzle, Handly said the problems with that feature had not been anticipated since it never bothered Glenn Beck. Nonetheless, Fox will be offering the Becklube oral jelly product within 30 days. "Meanwhile," said Handly, "small-mouthed fans can use butter or cooking oil if they experience abrasion issues."

The manual accompanying the bag suggests that Beckwash be heated to 85 degrees by placing the unit in a microwave oven for 10 minutes. Alternatively, the suggestion for energy conservation minded users is to fill the bag in the evening and take it to bed. That way, it will be ready to use in the morning. Instructions recommend the rinse and spit method. Users are cautioned not to ingest more than a quart of Beckwash per session.

Industry observers polled about the market potential for the Beck Bag had mixed reactions. Fay Bloater, analyst for the Associated Latex Manufacturers Organization said, "The idea of bringing a big name into play for an oral hygiene product is good, but I have to wonder why they didn't invest in retooling. It still resembles other common personal hygiene products." Richard Brass, vice president of marketing at Fleet Industries commented, "Our company remains the leader in this bottom line oriented business. If Fox thinks that just slapping a picture of a celebrity on an enema bag will make it a winner, they're in for a hosing."

Beck fans we contacted were uniformly upbeat about their hero's new bag. "I think it's a wonderful thing with at least three applications," said Harriet Twattler of Beaver, Pennsylvania, "Having Glenn's smiling face there while I irrigate is so perfect!" Chuck Lipshitz of Brooklyn, New York, said, "Oh yeah, Glenn got it right, as usual. Those itty bitty half-gallon bags used by liberals don't even begin to do the job."

Fox's press materials indicated that additional commentator-branded items would be released shortly, including the O'Reilly Rooter, Hannity Heater, and Perino Popper.