In traditional Asian cultures, sons are prized over daughters, with the assumption that the son would not only carry on the family name, but also care for the parents in their older years. In modern times, this is often far from the truth. It seems that daughters most often assume the caregiver role, whether by love, duty, choice, obligation, or a combination of these. As mothers, and as daughters, we carry most of the responsibility for caregiving-- not just the doing, but the remembering, thinking, planning and worrying. Add in being the daughter who is also the doctor, and that is a lot of expectation. And so it came-- the moment I have long quietly anticipated-- becoming my parents' caretaker. Recently, I hosted both my parents and my mother-in-law all at the same time. And all, though thankfully not for any urgent reason, decided that they wanted to find a doctor locally for when they visited us. First, I established that the doctor could not, and would not, be me. So I brought them individually to trusted colleagues. But I didn't just bring them physically. I prepared for their visits for several weeks before their appointments. As their doctor-daughter, I first asked them to obtain their medical records, read through them, took notes, and highlighted items to bring to the attention of their new physician. I also helped them to complete their history forms, leaving the sensitive questions for them to fill (you know, things like sexual history and psychiatric symptoms). I made sure that they fasted so that they could get blood tests done. I then gave them space to see the doctor without me, after summarizing my top two or three concerns with the doctor. These are all tasks which many conscientious children who are not doctors do for their parents. But my job did not end there. I spent a few hours searching a computerized medication database to identify my mother-in-law's pills, which she had brought without their bottles. I felt obligated to do this equally to help her and to assist my colleague who would be seeing her. (Please remember to bring all of your medications in their original bottles when visiting the doctor!) My role as doctor-daughter also extends to giving my professional opinion on what their doctor said, interpreting their results, and keeping their medical problem lists in the back of my mind, much as I keep track of my patients' needs. At the end of their visits, just like when I bring my kids to their doctor, I forced my parents to get their shots, and even lied that it wouldn't hurt very much. I then gave them the snacks I had packed to break their fasts. Aside from insisting that, actually, the shots hurt quite a bit, they didn't express very much. But I know that my parents felt proud and happy that I had made this gesture to begin to take care of them. As for me, I was left feeling somewhat stunned with the new responsibility that I had begun to assume-- basically, worrying about my parents both personally and professionally.
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Kim Gamble
kmbearden
Spectrum Voice
Susie Lindau
Lauren B. Davis
racheld
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Example: Today, the first rattlesnake of the season showed up in our laundry room, a baby, the most venomous. I called my brother-in-law, who shot it, then gave me my first lesson in how to shoot a gun - for next time. Who would have guessed I would be planning to kill a snake with a gun!?
Sorry to digress, thanks for posting your story.