Photo by Justin Smith / Wikimedia Commons

An article in this week's Science section of The New York Times brought up a topic which I found amusing and at the same time could identify with. The subject matter was "green disputes," where there is a mismatch in a couple in how "green" each person is.  Apparently, therapists are seeing a rise in couples in whom this is the primary cause of marital conflict.  The author quotes a man as describing such a conflict with his girlfriend who "chides him for running the water too long while he shaves or showers.  And she finds it "depressing"...that he continues to buy a steady stream of items online when her aim is for them to lead a less materialistic life."

While one may think that there are bigger things to worry, or argue, about, maybe there is something here.  What seems, on the surface, to be a disagreement over superficial or politically correct matters- who is more environmental, who recycles better-- is actually the expression of fundamental beliefs or morals.  Does how much water we use, how often we drive, how well we sort our waste, actually communicate our philosophies about materialism, of how to live on this planet as an individual and as a larger part of society?

Possibly.  The author quotes Robert Brulle, a professor of environment and sociology at Drexel University in Philadelphia, who states that "he had seen divorces among couples who realized that their values were putting them on very different long-term trajectories.  Dr. Brulle stated, "One still wants to live the American dream..., and the other wants to give up on his materialistic consumption.  Those may not be compatible."

I can also see how this issue can actually be created by pro-environmental policies, which might create an environmental awakening of sorts. Where I live in Northern California, it is actually a fineable offense to sort your trash improperly.  In June, 2009, the office of San Francisco's Mayor, Gavin Newsom, explained the new ordinance: "According to the San Francisco Department of the Environment, if all of the recyclable and compostable materials currently going to landfills were captured by the city’s programs, San Francisco's recycling rate would soar from 72 percent to 90 percent... No fines are specified in the ordinance, but there is a cap of $100 established for residences and businesses that generate less than one cubic yard of refuse per week, which is the equivalent of six 32-gallon carts. Fines higher than $100 may still apply to businesses and to landlords of large apartment buildings who refuse to offer recycling and composting opportunities to tenants when feasible."

What are these "recycling and composting opportunities"? We are given three bins by the local sanitation agency-- one for trash, a second for paper/plastic/aluminum/grass recycling, and the third for composting. In the last several years that we have been using this system, it is amazing how quickly the average consumer can train herself into sorting.  It starts young too-- in a Mommy-and-Me science class I tried out with my then toddler-aged daughter, one of the "games" was a version of garbage sorting bingo ("Which bin does the coffee filter go into? That's right, composting!") Elementary school-aged kids, and even preschoolers, with their inflexible and very concrete minds, become excellent recycling and composting police.  Personally, I admit that I reflexively flinch if I am at a friend's house and see that they don't sort their trash.

So I can see how an individual might develop some anxiety around this issue, and by extension, how a couple which is poorly matched along these lines might find this a topic of disagreement.  Local author, Jen Pleasants, who describes herself as an "eco-anxiety ridden mother," wrote a self-help book, Bag Green Guilt, Five Easy Steps to Turn Eco-Anxiety Into Constructive Energy, in which she makes recommendations to alleviate this kind of anxiety about not being "green enough."  

I am not sure if green disputes and eco-anxiety are a Northern California/West Coast culture bound syndrome  or more universally found. I suspect the former.  But being "more environmental than thou" can clearly give couples something new to argue about.  Perhaps the time has come for one's environmental orientation to be another subject to discuss when pursuing a relationship, along with values regarding family, religion, and finances.

© Linda Shiue, 2010