Several years ago, I watched Defending Your Life. I thought it was a good movie, liked the premise. I do recommend it.

Two things stand out. (If you haven't seen the movie, Spoiler Alert, although it's several years old.)

1. In Judgement City, you face a trial based on your life on Earth, and the judge decides whether you have learned your life's lesson (against fear, etc.) and can move to the full eternal Heaven, or if your soul goes back for another try.

 2. In the afterlife, during your trial, you have some entertainment choices, such as watching TV of your past lives (at the Past Lives Pavalion) and during the trial, the prosecution and defense teams show key moments that they think illustrate your readiness (or lack thereof) to move on.

Using this movie as a base, if  the afterlive has us wandering around in tunics awaiting a decision about our fates, here is the main thing I want to see:

Similar to The Butterfly Effect (which I don't recommend, but it was an interesting premise): I want to see the effects different choices would have made. Keep hitting rewind and trying again, until I get the outcome I like.

For example, my biggest question (and I know part of the answer): If I hadn't had sex with J (my first, who broke my heart which caused me mistreat many, many good men), I wouldn't have had sex with P or R, and C would have been my first a few months later. I was his first, and I think that could have meant a big difference in our relationship, and our relationship might have gone differently. He is my biggest regret. For the record, I named my son J, and didn't even realize that I'd named him after my first lover for 2 years, so I think I've moved past it mostly. But C was a good boy, who turned into a good man, and I would've liked more than a year with him.

Then my second: I'd had a crush on M since the first day of summer college classes before my freshman year. We were friends for several months, then on-and-off "friends with benefits" for the entire college duration. He was too focused to have a real GF. Until right after I started dating my now-husband, and M surprised me with roses and said that he loved me, wanted a real relationship, and was sorry about all the time we'd wasted. He didn't know I was dating anyone, let alone my future husband, so it wasn't jealousy, and I think our timing was just bad.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I could rewind and pick C or M. I know that other things would change, and in the end ... (the love you take, is equal to the love you make. Sorry, that song always pops in) ...

Anyway, in the end, I think right or wrong, I would almost have to make the exact same choices, because I can't imagine a better son than J. (And I'm happy I didn't make the name connection earlier, and that I think about it only once every 3 years or so, because he's a J. Not a J-y, not any other nickname, it's the perfect name for him.)

So, although I truly want a "Missed Lives Pavilion" more than I would care about a "Past Lives Pavilion," and even though there are many things I "think" I'd change ... I want this life. I want this family, this husband, this house, this career ... THIS son.