Last Tuesday, I was hard at work on a project, which I was actually enjoying, when it occurred to me that the only possible reason that all the big bosses were eager for me to finish was ... that they were going to can me ...
Instead of doing the smart thing of copying my personal files to disc, etc., I spent my free time telling everyone that the end was near for me. Somehow, I thought I had at least a couple of weeks left ... (And for the record, I'm denying to DH that I had even a few hours of comprehension ...)
Mid-afternoon, I got a call from my previous boss asking if I had a minute. We were working on the project together, so I grabbed my notepad and ran down. Didn't see it looming. He wasn't my boss anymore, after all. And we were working on this project ...
As soon as I saw the Director of HR in his office, OH FUCK!!! It's now!!!There's no turning back.
Oh well, let's try to ride this out and be professional. I held it a long time ... through the "this is the difficult part of running a business" prelude. Through HR's gentle intro that "you won't hear anything I say today, so here's all the paperwork, and call me anytime ..."
I lost it when I realized that we'd just incurred about $15K in extra debt this week, some our fault, some the fault of the recent rains. Then I realized I couldn't go home and cry, because DH, MIL, and DS were home waiting for me. Then I lost it. I'd been so determined not to cry, but my life, as I knew it, was over ...
In retrospect, I'm glad they canned me before that week's planned vacation, because at least I got paid for it, instead of taking it anyway unknowing, then being charged for those days. And it was a huge blessing to have MIL there to hug me, take my side, say prayers for me, esp. after DH's immediate response was "well, then, the house is for sale."
DH had to play nice and pretend not to be worried for a few days during her visit, DS didn't get to see any freaked-out parental rants, and I got a friend to listen. Yes, DH is a jerk, but I do understand that being the one to have to balance the budget, he's in a difficult position.
But now, today, the first day I was actually scheduled to work but was at home ... the first day I'm home with DS because I can't afford daycare even though I'd paid for an every-single-day field trip and raised his expectations ...
Today is the day I hurt. And the day that I realize I have absolutely no skills for today's market. I'm a writer, proofreader (I'm toasted now, so please don't proof this harshly), an editor, a mentor, etc. Absolutely none of those skills are valued in the market today. I'm only 40, and I feel like a dinosaur.
I'm 100% sure (and not being pessimistic) that I'm going to lose the house, the marriage, probably even the state I'm living in. And probably going to endure a few smacks along the way.
So to all of my fellow unemployed OS friends, to those hanging on the bubble, to those realizing how screwed they'd be even if their jobs are secure, and even to those financially set but compassionate enough to understand ... thanks for listening. Please say a prayer, raise a drink, send a glad thought ... whatever is in your nature. I need you all.
And what the hell was with all the ellipses? That's not me at all! :-)
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fireeyes24
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I will be praying and thinking of you. {{HUGS}}
I only wish you the best, I woke up on Friday knowing all of our lives were going to change; we're all going to hit the wall.
Have you looked into the option of taking on a renter/boarder instead of selling the house?
:-(
Hugs, dogmom. I know this is such a scary, uncertain time.
I send you hugs and best wishes.
Cartouche, I would LOVE to proofread anything for anyone. If anyone wants my input, let me know!
It is a blow but need not be a devastating one.
Perhaps we should have a little "bug" type of logo here on OS for those of us in your situation.
I know, too, that things are far worse in America today than they were five years ago. Still, you have to keep moving forward. Nothing comes to s/he who waits today.
Sending you good thoughts and prayers.
I send all good thoughts and wishes your way.
If it helps, I thought that when I got laid off, and I didn’t lose a thing. There are jobs out there, I just got one myself. You will get through this, and it will be OK.
Like PTenuto, I'm concerned on why your marriage hinges on your unemployment. This is what's supposed to be "for better or worse, for richer or poorer."
And PLEASE--"(you'll) probably going to endure a few smacks along the way"? You're "going to lose the house, the marriage, probably even the state (you're) living in"? Do NOT stand for this, no matter what the circumstances. If it means going to a shelter (been there, done that), then go.
First things first. Apply for your unemployment benefits right away. Depending on how old your kid is, you may also qualify for emergency food and/or WIC.
I've been in your ranks more times than I care to remember--also w/an abusive partner. Get yourself lined up w/all the resources open to you, then focus on what you'll do for shelter and protection if you think your spouse may become abusive.
See Consumer Credit Counseling for your debtload if needed. I just got through doing that and I HAVE a job.
You've got skills, you just need to re-tool them again. But get squared away now.
But don't despair-- there are still jobs out there. My sister is quite a few years older than you and she gets regular freelance gigs as a proof-reader/technical writer. I have faith that you will be just fine but I will say a prayer that you find peace during this difficult transition.
Visit your local employment office, look at school options, and don't forget to enjoy your time off as well.
After you've had the time to grieve, give some thought to the following. If you got some outplacement benefits coming to you, find a way to take some vocational testing. This will help you understand you have transferable skills to other occupations.
Then think about what you really love, that's right L-O-V-E to do.
Then look for that job. Please hang in there. We're here for you.
The one thing I am loving about this is that I'm getting to spend so much time with him this summer. I'm sorry he's missing out on his field trips (and they were going to some fantastic places), but we're seeking out free activities. Can you believe he's actually interested (at almost-6) in taking a tour of the National Renewable Energy Lab? I'm not even really interested, just wanting to make sure we don't sit in front of the computer/TV the whole summer.
The reason my marriage may hinge on my unemployment is that we're barely hanging on, emotionally, financially, any way you can name, and this stress may be our undoing.
Thanks again for all the encouragement!
marketable or not, the ability to communicate clearly is priceless, and at this point in your life, unlike many people, you actually have something to say.
Your life has become an ellipse. You worked at that job before, and now...
I feel for you. I've been there, though not in such tough times.
And wow, look at all the talent here at OS, just ripe for the picking! Too bad all you unemployed guys and gals couldn't just put together something that works (no pun intended).
Best of luck to you, dogmom.
In any case, while I haven't found work yet (I remain hopeful!), I have discovered some useful coping techniques:
1) Make the most of your time off: do the projects you've been wanting to do. I suspect that it might be a longer writing piece?
2) Don't spend too much time looking for work. Rigorously keep the amount of time you search job boards to a maximum of maybe an hour each weekday.
3) Do try to interview for as many jobs as you can, even jobs you don't really want. This gives you practice for the interviews that matter to you.
4) Don't sweat the $$. As my Dad always told me, there will always be another $500.
5) Do iterate on your resume as much as possible with feedback from people you trust. Make 3 different resumes for three different kinds of jobs you'd be interested in. This exercise will, at least, show you the skills you don't think you have.
6) Consider taking some classes at the local (and usually very inexpensive) community college. What have you always wanted to study? What would be an interesting and useful secondary axis of skills for your resume?
But mostly: stay upbeat, don't panic, and do enjoy the time off during these lovely summer months! About the time you're really becoming used to having your time to yourself and to your family, I bet you'll find another job.
Cheers!
AndyA
1. Remember to practice letting go. Repeat after me: "They're only things. I can have things again when the time is right."
2. Stay in the moment and don't future-trip. We can't know what's going to happen until the moment actually arrives, right? Everything up to that point is guessing and that'll wear you down into the ground.
3. Know that you'll be okay no matter what.
4. Take care of yourself - don't let yourself go, because self-care enables us to face the world with strength and dignity.
5. When someone offers assistance, say yes. Pride has no place when the Universe has pushed your reset button.
6. Don't look back. Move forward only, one step at a time.
7. Remember to find one thing every day to say "thank you" for. Even if it's "thank you for the growth I'm experiencing". The act of expressing gratitude creates more for which to be grateful and helps move the lesson along faster toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
8. Keep writing here. It'll be a valuable outlet for the inevitable frustrations and confusion that will arise as you move forward on this path.
The glass will be raised for you after I've sent the prayers.
Networking is the key. I joined linkedin last year, when I was out of work. It’s an excellent tool for generating potential employment leads. Leave no stone unturned. Let friends, relatives and neighbors know you are looking for work. Don’t be overly selective in accepting interviews. It’s great practice and can be used to build relationships that may pay off down the road.
It’s wonderful that you are using this time to bond with your child. If you will pardon my forwardness, I suggest you put the same amount of energy into resolving issues with your spouse. As you’ve commented, the marital problems existed prior to your loss of employment. This may be your best opportunity to work things out, without the added stress of a new job.
Your destiny awaits you; but you will not find it standing in place. It’s time to take action.
Peace, Love & Understanding
This really sucks. Please feel free to vent anytime. Don't worry about the grammar.
Sending positive and strong thoughts your way.