Not in depression or self-pity, necessarily, although those are certainly mixed in at least a little. More like, I don't know what to do with all this time on my hands, or more accurately, all this time DH and I "think" should be on my hands. But when you're sole entertainment for an active 6-year-old, there's not as much free time as you'd think.

Yes, he spends a few minutes a day reading, playing, or watching TV by himself. But those are hardly uninteruppted moments. Every 30 seconds, it seems, he's coming ask me a question, ask me to play (which I try to do), etc.

But today, I have an interview!! It's the kind of situation where I'm really fighting myself, that I CANNOT get my hopes up or I'll be crushed. The job is perfect, I'm perfect for the job, and I know half the team, including the hiring manager.  So perfect that when DH is asking questions about my unemployment benefits, I want to smack him and say "don't you get it?? I'm going to get this job!! Don't worry about unemployment!"

Which of course I can't say to him, or even to myself. I know I'm not guaranteed this job, that my friends will have the opportunity to provide input, but they won't make the final decision. That even if I'm perfect (ha!), doesn't mean they'll think so, or that I'll express myself well in the interview.

If I don't get it, I'll have a huge crash anyway. Better that I be optimistic but remain open to the possibility that this might not be my calling, that something else is out there for me. I also know that it's pretty unrealistic to think, in this market, that I could land a job before I get my first unemployment payment, that I'm up against probably 100 people (or more).

But anyway, wish me luck! I'm off to get ready.