Dolly's Blog

What a clown!

Dolly Baruch

Dolly Baruch
Chicago area, Illinois, USA
April 23
The Matriarch
Just been writing forever and I always thought I was a better writer than I am but no matter, I write. Never thought I could paint but I love it so I do. Dancing and writing and painting fill me up. Some people think my kids are the most interesting part of me, and pretty much so did I until my late sixties. Now, I'M the most interesting part. I crack myself up! And I don't care so much whether I'm a great writer or artist or dancer or not, just so I do what I need to do - which is keep on writing and painting and dancing and living. To life! is my motto.


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SEPTEMBER 11, 2009 2:16PM


Rate: 9 Flag

From my office window, I can see the Sears Tower.

When I drove home from work that day eight years ago very soon after I had arrived at my office (I actually did not drive home, not wanting to be alone with the TV - I went to a dear friend's house, where I knew people would be gathering spontaneously) , the sight of that iconic tower in my rear view mirror struck fear in my heart. We had no idea if Chicago would be next. No planes in the sky. It was very quiet.

Everything changed that day. Our country matured a little in an unexpected way. No longer invulnerable - we never were, but we thought we were.

I matured also. I was reminded of my honeymoon in Mexico, when just before Friday, November 22, 1963, I had naively stated in response to the news that another South American dictator had been murdered "Well, at least in our country, we don't assassinate our leaders."  But everything changed that day too.

Growing up is a lifelong process and just because I'm old doesn't mean I'm mature.  Looking at the Sears Tower out my office window or in my rear view mirror still strikes fear in my heart.


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Being vulnerable is scary. That's what Madeline L'Engle said in her wonderful books, "Walking on Water" and "Penguins and Golden Calves." But being vulnerable is what makes us human.
I remember the fear, I tasted it through others. But try not to be too scared, Bubie. Today's grandchildren will shape a better future.
There is no maturity I can think of that can assuage enormous tragedy. I don't think it works that way. Thank you for this, Dolly.
Thank you every one for reading and commenting. Soon, I will have to take that drive again. I will try not to look in my rear view mirror.
When the tragedy happened, I lost all sense of security. I think many of us realized how fragile the illusion was around us. Thank you for sharing your story.
You're so right that aging and maturing are seldom as linked as people think. There have been weeks I've grown more than I have in years. There are parts of me that are so much wiser and so much more naive than my years.