Shroomberg News Wire June 26, 2009 4:55 EST.

This just in from our intrepid gophers in Tehran.

Gophers Rule!

Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei announced today at his weekly prayer service in Tehran that all Iranians must turn their clocks back in by sundown Saturday as part of a deal to end the violence surrounding the latest presidential elections.

You read that correctly.

Iranians are being ordered not to turn their clocks back, but to turn them back in.

Why?

The Supreme Leader announced that a special Islamic technology project has finally succeeded in making time run backwards.

He called this project more important than acquiring nuclear weapons, because it has therefore accomplished the core aim of the rule of the mullahs, which is to move Iran back to the seventh century.

Supreme Leader Khamenei and his technical advisers estimate that it will take two years of running time backwards before all Iranians will comfortably reside in the year 680 A.D.

He labeled this effort Operation Iranian Daylight Savings Time.

He asked that all Iranian citizens cooperate in this project as rapidly as possible, if necessary by throwing their clocks off rooftops etc... at the Pasdaran secret police.

In a related development, Supreme Leader Khamenei announced a deal with current Presidential candidates Ahmadinejad and Mousavi, as well as the latter's puppet master, former President Khatami, that they could all share equally in Former President Ayatollah Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani's theft of the Iranian pistachio crop.

As part of the implementation of this election agreement between he mullahs, Supreme Leader Khamanei asked for all Iranians to throw their bags of pistcahios at the Pasdaran and Basij secret militias.

Our gophers will keep a close eye on this develping story for Shroomberg News.

Gophers Rule.