My Mother Has Munchausen's Syndrome and I'm Sick of It!
My mother is 96 years old and still going strong. She lives on her own, cooks, cleans and drives my sister and me crazy with her demands. She is going to outlive both of us because neither God nor Satan wants her.
I cannot remember one holiday or special occasion when my mother was not sick or injured. She did not attend my first communion, confirmation or graduation from either grammar school or high school due to (pick one) a fall, the flu, a hernia, ulcers, a migraine. I’m pretty sure she was there when I was born, but that was probably the first and last time she put in an appearance. Never once did I look into the audience during a school play to see her looking back at me. Come to think of it, the one time I got into a real mess of trouble at school, she sent one of my aunts to meet with the principal. Her excuse -- she sprained her ankle.
Mom is not beyond manipulating a situation to suit her needs. If she is not getting enough attention (I have yet to discover the definition of enough), she will put herself in danger to get the desired results. I have visions of her standing naked and wet from the shower in front of the open freezer. Teeth chattering and icicles hanging from, no wait, that’s an image I don’t want to think about. Until she retired at the age of 70, she worked in an embroidery factory doing the mending. More often than not, she sewed her fingers to the fabric because band-aids full of blood are sure to be noticed.
At my sister’s wedding, she told the family that my father had cancer and did not have long to live. He was surprised to learn he was sick but did not seem bothered by his impending death. I actually think he rejoiced at the thought of being free from mom’s antics. He lived ten more years. Poor guy. When I got married, mom came to the reception with her arms wrapped in ace bandages. Her arthritis, she claimed, was just too painful without them.
Mom has been known to drink sour milk, overdose on laxatives, burn herself while cooking, slam a door on her hand, cut herself with a sharp knife and fall down a flight of stairs…all for attention. Her favorite is to forget to take her blood pressure medicine. When the paramedics arrive, it’s like a reunion. They have been to her house so often that she now bakes cakes for them and has either my sister or I deliver them to the firehouse. How she hasn’t killed herself is a question we all ask, but then, we remember God and Satan and the answer is clear.
Recently, my family was involved in a criminal case that was devastating for all of us….except mom. Because of her age, we would not allow her to attend the trial, which lasted two weeks. Each day we arrived home emotionally drained and mentally beaten. Most days mom was waiting with another emergency. Twice she fell out of her chair and lay prone on the patio where the neighbors could see her and rush to her aid. Once we found her lying on the kitchen floor. She said she had passed out and hit her head on the cabinets. Another time, she was kneeling over the toilet, sick to her stomach from “bad” food we had left her to eat.
There have been so many incidents over the years that I have lost track of them all…and I’ve lost patience in the process. Each time she has been hospitalized, my sister and I have informed the doctors and nurses of her condition. They look at us like we are crazy. Munchausen’s is not easy to diagnose and only Munchausen’s by Proxy causes any great concern in the medical community.
Mom is such a great actress. She has everyone convinced that she is just a sweet little old lady who wants nothing more than to be healthy and spend time with her family. At her age, most of her relatives have already moved on to the great beyond. Please, God, can you invite her to join them? Sorry, dad.
Author’s Note: Münchausen syndrome is a term for psychiatric disorders known as Factitious disorders wherein those affected feign disease, illness, or psychological trauma in order to draw attention or sympathy to themselves. It is also sometimes known as hospital addiction syndrome or hospital hopper syndrome.
Münchausen syndrome by proxy is a disorder in which a person deliberately causes injury or illness to another person (most often their child) usually to gain attention or some other benefit.
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Gwendolyn Glover
Leonde Delmare
Cassiopia1177
historicalhome312
Outside Myself
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Comments
I'm sorry. This is serious. But, damn, if you wanted me to keep a straight face, you should have edited out all the funny. Which would have left about 3 words.....
And well-writ.
So (not) sorry for your (impending) loss.
She kinda sounds like a hybrid episode of CSI and Marcus Welby.
Rated
Groucho Marx was asked once what the difference was between something that's funny and something that's hilarious.
To wit:
A man dressed up as a little old lady in a wheelchair careening downhill towards a busy intersection is funny.
If it is really a little old lady, that's hilarious.
To be honest, when I was young I dreaded mom appearing anywhere with me. I found her to be an embarrassment. Now, I get a kick out of whatever "new" disease she cooks up. An avid reader, she usually projects the disasters in the story onto herself. My sister and I take bets on which catastrophe we will be dealing with next.
My mother had a hip replacement even though her hip was fine - because yes, she wanted the attention. And you're right, there is never *enough* attention. So it never ends.
Your mom can't go much longer, my friend. Hang in there.
Your mother would have done better on Broadway--she would have gotten all the attention she needed and her family would have been spared all the aggravation!
Sorry for what you've had to go through!
My mother's day will come but the direction she will be heading is still to be determined. Thank you for the compliment. I sincerely appreciate it.
My mother is very similar, diagnosed not with Munchausen's but Borderline Personality Disorder, which is much more varied. Not only does she use medical issues to get attention, she'll use anything else: food, money, sex, for good attention or bad. The syndromes must be related.
Anyway, kudos to you for a good read and for being a survivor!
I won't deny that living with my mother was difficult; my need to escape forced me into an disastrous early marriage. On the other hand, adversity has turned me into a pretty darn good person. I've learned to appreciate things that most other people take for granted. As I've often said, pain is a seed which sprouts either a flower or a weed. We must chose which garden to live in.
When I was in my early twenties, I decided the only person I could blame if my life turned out miserable was me. Mom would never change but I did not have to allow her to control my life. Luckily, I met a wonderful man who supported me in every way and helped me stay strong when mom's antics threatened my sanity. Thirty four years later, he still helps me to laugh when I want to cry.
There is no cure for mental illness except death. People can manage to get themselves healthy, but no one can help them. Psychiatrists who claim they can help are frauds. The only real cure is one that modern people refuse to use; sticking the crazy person in the attic, locking the door, and shoving food under the door. Cheaper than a hospital or a rest home.
I realize that as a relatively modern woman, you will refuse to do the only solution. So you're in a waiting game, waiting for either you or her to die. (Or maybe both; she could burn down the house and take care of both of you.) I'm sorry that you've limited yourself to "modern" solutions that don't work.
I'm afraid to say this out loud but I fear Munchausen's is contagious. My sister is beginning to show signs........oh, when will it end!
No, no, no! I have no intention of going first. Seriously, mom is only a danger to herself and, let's face it, she's 96. I pretty sure she knows just how far she can go or she wouldn't have lasted this long. The attic idea though....damn, I live in Florida. No attics. No basements!
My intention was not to make light of a very serious condition. Believe me, my sister and I are all too aware of its dangers. We are also aware that our mother suffers in ways we will never know. She is always searching but will never find whatever is lacking in her life.
"but then, we remember God and Satan and the answer is clear. " still snorting over that one.
I suggest she has always been very insecure and desperate for attention. Once she got old there were many ways to get it. It's very sad, I'm sure she has some redeeming qualities and has accomplished much in her life, but will be these obvious manipulations and her selfish actions that she will be remembered by.
So be it.
My mother was the opposite, she was never ill she claimed. Always denying. That is a bit tyring too, but no way such a problem as yours. I wish you strength and patience in this last episode of her life.
You have my congratulations for writing a great piece, and my compassion for having to endure it all.
Thanks for the kind words. I've told my kids that if I ever get to be like grandma, there's a supply of dry cleaning bags in the back of the closet. Knotted tightly around the head, they can be very effective.
that being said i miss her every day now that she's gone. life is strange like that.
This woman would regularly poison her child and wait until the toddler was near death, then whisk the poor victim to the ED, and breathlessly "save" her, relishing the props the ED docs lavished on her for catching the illness before the child died.
I'm not a shrink but Munchausen's by Proxy is one of the most bizarre and fascinating maladies out there.
Most mental disorders are fascinating and frightening at the same time....provided you don't have to live with them or the people who suffer the effects. If you have ever known an Altzheimer's patient or cared for one, you will know what I mean.
I know where you are coming from but I have no hostility toward my mother. Years ago, yes, before I suffered my own disillusionments and learned compassion, but not now. In every family, there is always one person who must be the "responsible one." I'm lucky to have a sister to share the burden with. Your mom is lucky to have you.
An embroidery factory? That sounds like hell to me. There must be a huge backlog of pain in this woman. What was her childhood like? If she is this "accident prone" or that much in need of attention that she harms herself, then I suspect she is in terrible pain somewhere. I hope for her sake she will be released soon with love and acceptance surrounding her.
There is nothing to forgive. She is my mother. I would never let anything bad happen to her. And I don't think she will be punished in the afterlife. She has suffered enough on this earth.
Mom was a part owner in the embroidery factory, a business that was quite profitable in years past. This was not a sweat mill. They made the lace for wedding gowns. As a kid, I enjoyed playing with the bobbins and thread. Mom loved going to work. As the boss, she got lots of attention. Retirement has been hell for her....and us.
Yes, sometimes it would be nice to do the leaning instead of being leaned on, but strength is it's own reward. I've made certain to treat my daughter exactly the opposite of how my mom treated me.
The misery lovers are spawning an epidemic.
It takes real talent to turn this kind of dysfunction into humor. You've done so beautifully. Sometimes humor is our best survival skill. Rated "God and Satan."
I could use some extra attention from my kids. OW! OW! OW! I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!