It's not the practice that grates, but what we are calling it.
You know I love this place. And I really don't mind getting notices of the new things you've written, or pointers to things you think I'd like to read. In fact, I like it, because I'd miss a lot of cool things otherwise.
But I really, really beg you to stop calling it blog whoring and pimping - at least when you contact me. I think those words are demeaning to us all. There must be some more creative, less degrading way to say, Read my stuff! Or, Read this great post!
I am just old enough to remember when whore and pimp were not part of everyday speech. I am not sure when they became acceptable, but I am drawing a line in the pixels here. Like Sandra felt about MILF, and EPriddy felt about Bitch, I feel about Whoring and Pimping. Please, just make it stop.
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I don't like to hawk my posts en masse, but I feel irritated that others do. It's clearly more effective, but I just don't believe in doing it. (Once in a while, I pick out a post that I think will interest this or that individual because of what I know about them personally, and I send them personal mail suggesting they read my posts. But I hate having to compete with more aggressive marketing; it's bad enough having to compete with good writing.) I feel like some of us, those of us who are willing to consider this practice appropriate, have an edge over those of us who really don't.
Cindy C, thanks. Let me know if you come up with a better alternative -
JK - thanks, and thanks for letting me know about Monte - I thought I might be the only one who felt this way ;)
Cindy R, Monte - yes, it's a funny thing. I rarely send out notices, and feel a little queasy when I do. But I don't mind getting them at all, and the thing is, they work! And again, it's not the practice, but the terms that grate...
I used to be a crusader on behalf of the candid and the vernacular -- I thought it was some kind of triumph when newspapers that I worked for over the years allowed words like "piss" in the pages. But what was gained? Zip.
What we call a thing is of supreme importance, especially to writers. Why should the simple wish to share something -- even if it seems self-serving to some -- become "whoring"? That's way out of whack, an exaggeration that leaches meaning from a word that has a specific and potentially powerful meaning. It's imprecise in this usage and in its way a small poison to any serious conversation.
This makes me sound like a prude and it's funny, because "prude" is such a sharp, tangy word still, unlike "whore" or "pimp." So call me a prude. There aren't many of us around these days. We're obviously a small and maybe even dangerous bunch, not content with the status quo -- which is not a bad place for a writer to find him or herself any more.
Thanks for raising the question Donna. Rated, of course.
Merwoman – Didn’t meant to compound your aches, no head-hurting intended! ;) I think promoting works fine.
Shiral, thanks – I agree, let me know if you come up with a better term!
Natalie – Yes, I guess that would be it! ;) Sharing works well too…I think we might have to get Monsieur Chariot’s genteel take on this…
Jeremiah – thanks! I hesitated writing about this, precisely because I would look like that p-word you just said ;) But I started feeling complicit by not saying anything about it. The words we use to define ourselves do matter, and as writers and storytellers we should know that best of all. Those are charged words that lower the bar between us – small poisons, exactly. Nice to meet you, fellow prude ;)
Cap'n, yep, I'm guessing that didn't go too far with her ;) I tried to embed the links to both her piece and EPriddy's, couldn't get it to work. Maybe Ill try again in the morning...
I'm not a whor or a pimp! ;)
I know that's what you do, and I appreciate it very much. Because you use the "power of the private message" sparingly, when I get a note from you I really pay attention to it.
I worked with a well-known actor in Philly (oxymoron but whatever.) I asked him if he would do a short theatrical piece but it would be for free. He responded (and I'll never forget it): "I don't WHORE my art." To which, in my dreams I responded, "Well WHORES get paid money. You wouldn't."
Perhaps Donna, you and I are offended for different reasons with a few crossovers. I'm offended because I have never understood MOST peoples use of the words.
And really, we shouldn't have to feel like we're "whoring" anything with a notice about our work. That shows a rather low self-esteem, no? Why not, "Here's my work! Read it! It's great. I'm particularly proud of this and I'd like YOU to read it."
Whore, indeed. Oh that word. So loaded. Pimping too.
The words there don't bother me but I had no idea people hated the PM notices. I'm still concidered new here I guess and I just started doing what seemed to be the norm, although I have not used the W and P words. I will stop as of now. But as a newer OSer, how do we get our stuff read??
I posted something thismorning and have watched it fall off the Recent list with narry a read. Any advice is most welcome.
My objection is to the amount of time i spend opening dozens, scores, nay HUNDREDS of emails, only to find that the sender is trying to push me into reading their latest tome. Please believe me, I am able to, and do, discover every new post WITHOUT any self-serving reminders, and if I equate those to pimping, can you present any argument that the comparison is inapt?
Despite my public and oft-repeated objection to such PMs, I get them all the time, and some even from members who are well aware of my distaste for them, since they commented on my original post, which was titled "This Blog-whoring has got to stop."
As to your objection to the use of the words whore and pimp, I can only suggest that it is a Victorian attitude, and quite out of step with the 21st century. Words don't offend, but people allow themselves to feel offended through employment of judgmental attitudes.
And what, pray tell, is so awful about being "quite out of step with the 21st Century"? What's the 21st Century got that should make me want to be in step with it? Cheers --
But the usual context in which "pimp" is used is to convey flashy dress, excessive bling, etc., and in no way "honors" pimps or pimping. Take a look at the highly watched cable TV show "Pimp my ride" to get an idea of the actual use of the word.
This is an example of exactly what I had in mind when I introduced the term "judgmental attitudes".
Mishima – I think that was addressed to Kent, not me, but I will add that it does feel different to be addressed individually.
Olga – thanks!
Beth – yes, exactly. These are charged words that shouldn’t be tossed around like popcorn. I am just about ready to blame MTV and VH1 but I have to think about it.
Penrose – Double thanks, and well-said!
Kitehlips – Though there are people who hate the practice, I’m not one of them. I just want people to call it something different, or at least, really think about what they are saying when they frame it in those words. Advice? Send your notices but check with your recipients to see if they mind. And write great stuff! ;)
Wayne – We are probably going to have to agree to disagree. But I’m really glad you brought up Pimp My Ride, because that’s a great example of how corporate interests have normalized this toxic vocabulary, and teach it to kids like it’s a good thing. I think we should aim higher, for ourselves, our kids, and our culture.
Jeremiah – good point! Please pass the smelling salts ;)
My dear M Chariot – you have hit the proverbial nail on the head! Replacing creativity with shock value – confusing vulgarity with sexual liberation – I couldn’t have said it better myself, and I didn’t ;)
Stellaa – Exactly! How did the kids react – were they even conscious of what they were saying?
Rob – that is too funny! And you know, most people are not offended by it. They should be, of course ;) I do hope you will keep, um, promoting any blog of mine you happen to enjoy...
Language frames and shapes our experience and to some extent, our selves. Whore and pimp have been absorbed into our culture to the point they have become unconscious, and that's partly why I wrote this. They have a specific meaning and power, and I reject them as words that define you, or me, or what we are doing here. Now, it's time to go stroll through my Victorian garden ;)
I am a bit excited here. This may be my chance at a bit of fame here on OS.
Rob. St. Amant has stepped up and graciously taken credit for first using a phrase here which is the subject of the post. There are many comments here discussing it back and forth.Enough that I need not chime in.
I want to step up and take credit for a lesser used but referenced phrase in this discussion: "street lingo".
I used that phrase in a PM to another OS'er.
I had commented on a blog, speciffically in relation to a positon and description being used by a blogger. That blogger and I have gone toe-to-toe before. He is way to the right of the political spectrum and I am not. I asked himea question of sorts relative to his blog, surmising how someone else might react to his choice of words.I gave an example. He and I have had heated exchanges without cussing, sometimes coming to the realization that it is our route rather than our destination that differs. Sort of bipartisianship at the root level.
Another blogger stepped in addressing me initially with an expletive and then went on to misinterpret my comment. I told him here in full view of everyone else that I did not think that the original blogger would misinterpret my comment and to wipe the spittle from his mouth and take his rant aimed at me, not the blogger, somewhere else. Simple.
He sent me a PM. No cussing in it, but seeking some sort of mea culpa from me for my dismissal of him.
Now mind you this to me is funny...his biography states that he is an English teacher. That could be the source of a dozen blogs and countless repsonses if done well. Isn't it English if ....oh forget it. I don't want to write that blog here.
So in the return PM I said "Your initial comments, replete with street lingo directed towards me, tell me that I would not want any further discourse with you."
That seems civil to me.
Here on OS many use expletives in their blogs.The blog is there for all. Go right ahead. I can match any here so far as cussing goes. Ex-construction boss. Quite capable but do not use it in writing. Go ahead and do it. I can read or not read. That's Open.
Addressing me personally however in that fashion , to me merits a response should I choose to do so. It may be along the lines of "butt out dimwit, I wasn't talking to you." That's Open.
So remember please, you read it here first, I said "street lingo".
Rated.
"blimping"
As in, "I'm blimping my post," or "I'm blimping Joe's post." It conveys a positive, free-flying, original combo that only OS'ers will know and maybe we can create a new use for the word.
Word up, G!
Part of the problem here is that on OS friending (I know. Its a word I made up.) is not required to be mutual, like it is, for example, on Facebook. Anybody can friend anyone for any reason. So some send out notices to these huge lists of people many of whom do not even know the work of the one sending the notice.
All of my friends on OS are MUTUAL friends. They have all either friended me and I have reciprocated, or I have sent them a PM asking if they would be my mutual friend. In both cases I make it clear that I hope that they will send me notices when they post and that I intend to do the same when I post. If they don't want to do that, or against me sending them notices, and only two have said that they did not want to receive notices, then I just drop them from my list. Some, like Cindy, make me work to find out what she is posting, ;-) -- but it is always worth it!!
I look at it this way. The people on my list are some of the best people and writers on OS. I like to read what they write and vice versa. It is literally impossible, Wayne's claim notwithstanding, to read even a fraction of the new posts on OS. But I try very, very hard to read as many posts of my friends as possible. If friends don't want to read even that a friend's has posted something new, what kind of a friend is that?
Thanks, much. Hope your post helps.
Monte
When I do, it's partly in the hope that they will include me on their friends' mailout lists so that I don't miss anything. Some do, some don't. I wish everyone would. Otherwise, I follow them on my blogsite feed -- it's the second thing I check every day after the messages.
BlogPrick?
BlogPoke?
BlogThrust?
BlogPush?
It reminds me of an incident a few years back, when my beloved grandfather was still among us. One of my cousins, then 22, complimented his new shirt, telling him he looked "pimp." Having been born in 1923, Grandpa looked mortally wounded by the word, perhaps remembering a time during his teen years when my great-grandmother scolded him with "You're not going out dressed like a pimp!" Although I'm accustomed to such words in their "modern" contexts, I can't imagine anyone being flattered by it.
Instead of "blog whoring and pimping" I call it "****-****ing," the act of asking someone to get behind you and proceed to plug away. So, the pre-existing terminology isn't so bad.
Alsoknownas – I missed that exchange…but okay, street lingo is yours...
Lea –Not sure that we need a whole new word for this, but that’s a good place to start...although, still a little to close to pimping for my taste ;)
Monte – thanks for your comments. Glad to hear I have not been alone these many months. I’d been responding to individual emails with this same request, but reached a tipping point yesterday.
About the friending process - when I first joined OS I thought the friending was mutual. I wanted to put Barry (bbd) on my friends list, so sent him an email asking if he would make me his friend. He was so gracious. In hindsight it must have seemed a little pathetic ;) I would like to know if there’s an upper limit to the number of friends that can be in one's list, though. It does seem like people fall off the list…
Lonnie – I'm not sure I'd call it progress ;) and I know I can’t make it stop. But if people just think about it a little before they use those words so casually, I’ll be happy.
Verbal – You know, I actually like BlogPush. The rest send me off in another direction altogether ;)
Cory, nice to meet you. And glad to know it hits you the same way. Great story about your grandfathe - I can’t imagine anyone being flattered by those words either. The evolution of language is fascinating...I'd like to think we'll regain some self-respect with Obama in the White House. Hmm, now that would be a study - language as reflection of our national self-image...
The Buzz – No. ;)
Karin – yes, cringe and wince is what they make me do, for the person who uses them as much for myself. Truthfully, I don’t have a lot of skin in the game of finding a replacement, since there are so many good ol’ words that will do. That said, I do like Verbal’s suggestion of BlogPush.
YHeron – This was written mostly in reaction to the private emails I’ve gotten notifying me of posts to read. But keep your eyes open – they worked their way into the culture here. So much so that people didn’t even seem to notice them anymore and that’s why I felt compelled to write.
Thanks again, everyone. It is wonderful to have been listened to on this. My next post will be about Baja. I'll notify you all! ;)