Inspired by an OS mom who asked for advice in getting her beautiful 11-year-old daughter through adolescence.

Eleven-year-old girls rule the world.  I teach sixth grade at a K-6 elementary.   It is an age where the boys are often still shorter and less mature.  Our sixth grade girls actually beat our sixth grade boys in a basketball game a few years back. 

The girls have oftentimes mastered elementary school and are very comfortable with the world around them. It is a neat age to teach the girls. They are generally more mature than their male counterparts and perform better in school. They are often confident and willing to behave like mature and responsible mini-adults in the classroom, but display absolute silliness and giggling fits at the drop of a hat.  They still play sports without being pigeonholed, and they aren't afraid to look smart in front of their peers.  As a teacher, I wish I could freeze these girls in time and let them stay on top of their world forever.

But I live in a very small town, and I work with junior high and high school activities, and I keep contact with these kids.  I see much of what happens to them beyond sixth grade, and it is sometimes painful to see.  My confident world-beaters are too often beaten down by a peer culture that can't stand to see people (especially girls) succeed.

Kids hit a very difficult period when they reach middle school or junior high. And girls often have the worst of it.  If they have flaws of any sort, their peers will find them and rip on them. If they are pretty, precocious and perfect--then their classmates will rip on them for being just that. There is no escape. It's a rough time. Maybe it's just me, but I have more vivid memories of the rotten things I did to other kids at that age than I do of the rotten things they did to me.
I can only offer school-related advice when it comes to girls--especially teens--since I only have boys and they are younger than that.  Besides, I have never been a mom or a girl.

1) Be the rock of love and support you already are.

She will value her peers an inordinate amount in the next few years, but there are times she will really need you. Suddenly a school/peer friendship might turn south on her. Then she will need to cry on your shoulder. Of course, a week later they're best friends again and you have nothing but a soggy shoulder...but that's your job.  It may be thankless for now, but as parents we're in it for the long haul.

2) There is a lot of bile and ugliness being thrown around in middle school. It's unavoidable. Work very hard to try and insure that your child is doing as little of the damage as possible. She may have to defend herself at times, but many kids seek out conflict at this age. Try to steer her away from that.   She'll only regret it later.  And for heaven's sake, DON'T YOU START! Believe me, we have moms who get in there to defend their child and end up cyber-bullying and rumor-mongering with the best/worst of the kids!  You already had your adolescence, it's her turn.

3) GENTLY encourage her to continue doing her best with her studies. Personality flaws or weaknesses are constantly attacked by her peers. She will strive to be perfect in their eyes. Don't pile on more pressure--but at the same time, don't let her completely fall off and focus on other things. I realize that's a difficult line to walk, but it's a necessity.  As a girl, there are many arenas in which she may have to outperform her male counterparts to get the same amount of respect.  Not fair, but true.  She has to have every educational advantage she can get to keep all the doors to her future open.

4) Encourage her to find extra-curriculars that are a natural fit for her.  Dad may have been All-State, but daughter might not care for basketball.  Mom may have been class-president, but student government might not be to the girl's liking.  Don't give offhand statements like, "When you're playing on the high school team, you'll need to learn to..."  It tells your daughter that her fate has already been decided.  She might find that she has a musical aptitude and a fondness for the company of band geeks.  75% of the time she is going to choose the activities you always thought she would choose.  Just let her know she has the choice.