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MARCH 1, 2009 9:16PM

We liked the same bands we liked the same clothes

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My mom tried to friend me on Facebook. Seriously. I talk to her every day, there’s no need to “re-connect.” So I had to politely ask why she wanted to be my friend. She said it was the thing - she heard about it and wanted to try it.  Together we decided we didn’t need to be Facebook friends.

But I have been friended by all sorts of people from high school, temple and camp. Its coming up on a big reunion for me this summer (and its not my ten years out of grad school) and people who I haven’t thought about in years are coming out of the woodwork.

High school is so so far away for me. I am very removed from all that. My parents divorced after my freshman year of college, and Mom moved to the city while dad kept the house. He rented out the rooms, so I rarely went back “home.” Meanwhile, I was exposed to all sorts of artists and intellectuals and all I wanted to do was move to the city and be one of them.

In my high school yearbook someone wrote, “Don’t change and become a Greenwich Village art freak” and yep, I did. Like most people I grew up and explored and became the unique person I am now, without looking back much.

My dad passed away in 2001 and I haven’t been back to Huntington since.

I am close friends with a few people, but none from high school. I met my oldest friend Todd freshman year in college, and made most of my friends at work and grad school. Yet now, all of a sudden, I am “speaking” on a daily basis with people from jr high! People who used to tease me in jr high. People who I played spin the bottle with.

A boy I loved more than thirty years ago is my friend again. Someone who apparently loved me in silence is my friend again. I was looking through someone’s photos, and thought, “her parents look pretty good.” Then I realized the lady with the grey hair is my friend from temple. Who I told what a french kiss was.  Do I look that old? Am I that old?

Every day I tweet a piece of a song lyric, and for years most people at work can’t guess the song. But three friends from high school sure do - and I talk to them all the time now. (They say your music tastes are cemented in your teens - maybe this is an old wives tale, but these boys (men?) know all the same stuff that I do.)

I can’t find a few people I’d like to reconnect with. Joan Brophy - JB - where are you? Martha? Karen Block from camp - why did we all lose touch?

I’ve had some lovely long emails from people I had to look up in my yearbook. Sad to admit I don’t remember them at first. Its hard to think of these friends as they are now; its also hard not to look back with rose colored glasses. Reminiscing is fun for a bit, and its fun to talk with someone who knew me before all the stuff happened. But then life intrudes. I wonder how long we’ll all continue to speak to each other about our lives thirty years ago. I wonder who will really be a friend.

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I love how you decided you and Mom didn't need to be Facebook friends! too funny.

I recently tumbled into my past and looked up old friends and got a few fun surprises. "don't ever change" - why did everyone think that was a good thing to write in yearbooks?
my high school is lost in a haze, self induced at the time and through the lens of time. I was not popular, and didn't even know it then or was aware of how isolated I kept myself. Even for the few friends I had it would be difficult to conjure faces and names. I prefer the now, but that's because for me it's just too hard to recreate and reconstruct.

You are immensely more interesting than anyone in my past, btw--which proves my point.

Dorelle, I never went the Facebook route, but I enjoyed reading about how you were able to rediscover so many old friends. Last year I sent out a couple of emails to friends from the past who had moved away from the metro area, one was a close college classmate and the other a designer I had dated for almost a year, and in both cases I heard nothing back. I'm still wondering if the emails got through or not, but given that the old friends in question never contacted me in the last ten or more years, my guess is that they just didn't want to be in touch. In the case of the Facebook reunions, it's clear from the outset that anyone participating is quite open and receptive to hearing from former friends and the like. It sounds like you've had a lot of fun getting in touch with a host of old friends from various points of your life.
Noisy, I know! Change is good. Thank goodness we grow. Now if I could only do something about not liking the nice guys...

Barry, I've seen pictures of you close to high school age and if I had known you then trust me we would have been more than friends.

John, isn't it crazy but the few people I really would like to hear from again I can't seem to get in touch with. I figure I am easy to find, one google search and there I am. So if those folks wanted to, they could get in touch. And sadly, I guess they don't.
Inspired by your post I looked up high school classmates on Facebook. Now, why was I shocked at how middle aged they all look?!
On the other hand, many of hte people I have reconnected with on Facebook, know very little about the person that I am today. They live in the realm of "who I was back then". People here on OS know me many better in some ways than those from a long time ago. And I may never actually meet most of them face to face.....
I sooo know what you mean. I have ex boyfriends I swore I'd never speak to again on my facebook. WTH? Why? And still, I just keep adding them when they ask :D.
I've not been "found" on Facebook yet by anyone from my pre-college days and with the exception of my best friends from that era (anyone know Vikki and Dodie Ladnier, by chance?) I'm satisfied with that.

I have reconnected through other routes with lost friends and I know what you mean about the special way of interacting when someone was actually there at the time and little explanation is needed. As for how long you remain reconnected, my own experience is: Not very long. For those of us with rich lives, full of interesting people, work, activities, whatever, there just isn't a need for a lot of reminiscing. I suspect people who spend a lot of time with people from their past are those who have not felt as good about life after high school, like the stereotypical used car salesman who was the high school football star.

Oh, and you would have had to fight me for Barry ;)
Sao Kay, I had to look hard to find a page that was fairly non-incriminating. And now its on the cover!
Sandra, I know. I guess I don't look the same either.
Cartouche, agree. Its kind of funny when those folks are shocked about how different we all are now.
Shelle, what is with those exes? I still don't know how people can be friends with exes.
Susan, I don't fight fair.
One goal I have for Spring Break is to stop being a Luddite and learn how to use Facebook. This is an inspiration to get that done.
High school was a very mixed bag for me. I disliked it but apparently (people keep telling me) everyone thought I was very cool--- even though I felt like all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there (and my town) as quick as I could. I made peace with all of that at my 20 and then 30th!! reunions to which I was reluctantly convinced to go, so now on FB I am okay with people "finding" me.... I like FB okay and now that OS people are connecting with me it's a real gas. I have women from a writers group, a feminist mom's group, friends from Paris,my college roommate, an old GF of my dad's who I adored just signed up.... It's quite a mixed bag. I posed my HuffPo stuff, my OS stuff...
Anyway, it's all good. (Oh, and two old boyfriends have found me which has been funny)
I've been found by friends from many jobs and from college and grad school but no.. wait, only one from high school and we weren't that close.

I loved your thinking the older people in the picture were your friend's parents. We love to watch Oldies specials on PBS, laugh at how old the audience looks until we realize... ahem.