I APOLOGIZE FOR THE AWFUL FORMATTING. I HAVE EDITED FIVE TIMES TO PROVIDE WHITE SPACE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. IS NOT WORKING.
I was prepared to hate Jim Breuer’s performance this weekend at the Comedy Zone in Jacksonville.
Last time I was in Jacksonville a month ago I saw a truly sad stand-up performance by Jerry Seinfeld in which he proved he is no longer culturally significant and is now a rich guy with a family whose edgiest stuff is about automatic flush toilets at airports. Believe me that was way more interesting than how long it takes his wife to get ready for the evening. Imagine ;0) Seinfeld is married to a woman whose personal claim to fame is plagiarizing how to hide vegetables in food so kids will eat it. Lea met her once (she has met every human being on earth) and said she was just kinda normal.
I had a long week at work and nearly fell asleep in my seat but remembered it cost $79 and kept waking up thinking “boring ready for Love Boat/Fantasy Island m’fer.” I remember working at the Florida Supreme Court 20 years ago and being FORBIDDEN by our boss to discuss the previous evening’s Seinfeld show with colleagues in the hallway because it was unprofessional and I guess we were having much too good a time. Sad. Just sad.
Worst stand-up performance I have ever seen next to that of Lisa Lampanelli and her bad rating was due to the horrible content. At least she maintains a persona and plays to a crowd of those who respect that persona. I did not respect that persona at all but at least the woman kept me awake to hate her. My oldest daughter was with me and we both hated her and probably for the same reason – sad to see a powerful and persuasive woman wasting her ability to say something worthwhile in order to pander to the LCD. Dorinda used a math term. HARDLY EVER HAPPENS. Well maybe Christopher Titus’ coked up and woman hating routine in a truly awful venue behind a Chili’s in Tampa was the worst. Both were hard to watch.
SO I was prepared to hate Jim Breuer because I sometimes listen to his Rawdog show on satellite radio on Friday evenings. He frequently discusses his born again Catholicism, his wife, and his kids. I had determined ahead of time that he and Seinfeld suffer from what D.H. Lawrence noted in his critique of 19th century American writers. There were a group of writers including Melville who lived lives including world travel and political intrigue before marriage. Then they got married, had to make a living and satisfy the wife SO their best work was behind them. Honest. Even before I went to see Breuer I was certain that premise of “you get married and then humor dies” would be supported to the degree that I have Lawrence quotes on file on this computer.
I was tired and it was the end of a long 12-hour teaching/grading day before I drove two hours to see Breuer perform at a relatively small comedy club located in the Ramada off a highway in southern Jacksonville. I have discovered this is a small venue in which many high profile entertainers try new material after the last set and in which I can actually talk to the comedians. I am a once a month regular who has helped the bartender choose his daughter’s graduation photos as well as befriended Sherrill the geriatric piano bar player and his harem of lovely women from various nursing homes/bowling alley leagues who sit around his piano glammed to the max drinking scotch and discussing the wonder that was Robert Mitchum. One woman sang Wichita Lineman without music last night because Sherrill could not find it on his computer for me and she was magnificent.
Through a series of odd events last month after seeing Seinfeld I met Nephew Tommy and the comedians of his new kings of comedy tour in the Ramada hotel courtyard while wearing a much too short Guess minidress and THE Las Vegas bathrobe of which I am much too fond looking like a mental patient. Must be a good look for me. Nice men who talked about comedy a lot. I may or may not have met Steve Harvey of the new Family Feud who is Tommy’s uncle because when I said hello he replied, “I am here to carry jewelry and shine shoes.” What would you say to a 50ish woman in a too short Guess minidress and a bathrobe you really did not want to talk to but to whom you did not want to be rude? First time I ever wore the dress and the last. I gave it to my teenager who thought it required leggings to be wearable.
Anyway back to Breuer. He was in Half-Baked with Dave Chappelle according to him because he naturally appears stoned and his character had to be stoned the entire movie. I believe him. First I heard Breuer in the lobby before I saw him. He has a distinctive Wood Woodpecker laugh and was posing for photos in a corner of the lobby selling CDs after the first show. So I got up from Sherrill’s fake white grand piano to see what was up. I have never seen Breuer in person and he looked wasted beyond belief. I was worried about why and checked his left hand. No ring. Damn he seemed divorced and that was just sad if it was true. So I sat on the couch and watched interaction with his fans for awhile.
The Comedy Zone people as usual had a good seat for me almost onstage about two feet from Breuer who loomed over me about six feet up. He was in his 40s/50s sporting the same haircut I saw on John Reep at the same venue a few months ago. Kinda spiky, youngish, and I kept watching to see if it moved when he moved around. It did not but what do I know?
Anyway the performance was magnificent and this is a sucky review if I am just getting around to saying that. Best imitation of ostriches, baboons, and lions at a drive-through safari paid for with a can of Pepsi I have ever seen. Also he did a mighty fine impression of Bill Hicks’ version of the devil when criticizing the polarities of MSM media which prevent little to no intelligent of important issues and events. I also much enjoyed his memory of he, Tracy Morgan, and Colin Ferrell spanking the naked butt of a pantless Will Ferrell pretending to be Ron Burgundy as a gay painter and staying in character years before that character made it to film. Do you think I made that up? Funny and homoerotically disturbing all at the same time.
He kept the family material on hold until the end of the set during which he described the graphic ugliness of childbirth on a woman’s rectum. I have two kids and I know.
So now you know how I spend my free time ;0)