Dorinda Fox

Dorinda Fox
Location
Orlando, Florida, United States
Birthday
May 20
Bio
I teach writing at several universities. My two daughters are five and 16. I adore my children, have trouble raising them, and you will read more about them than you care to. I am a cancer survivor. I was born and raised in Arkansas. I am addicted to Starbucks black iced tea. "What if it's boring... or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring." Lily Tomlin referring to her teenage diary, in an interview in Movie magazine (July 1983) "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell "I'm teaching myself to live without sleeping because I don't trust my dreams." -- Jon Stewart on the Daily Show

Dorinda Fox's Links

Salon.com
FEBRUARY 16, 2009 10:14PM

On Writing and Single Mothers

Rate: 25 Flag

There has been a lot about writing here lately that was interesting reading.

 I work at teaching writing and commenting as a professional on writing all week long. I look for a respite from that here.  I do make weird posts about my rhetoric research interests and assignments, but not about improving writing in general. If I was a plumber then I would not be on OS debating say the wisdom of copper vs. PVC pipes.  Did that all day already.

How I teach writing is stupidly simple. Ask my students -- yes, Dr. Fox is stupidly simple ;0).  And I have had to think about this because a new job application might require a new teaching philosophy (arrgggh --gnashing of teeth). Other writing teachers will understand why in a work setting I will throw around terms like social construction, revisiting the Western perceptions of Sophistic rhetoric, collaboration, structured group work,  and Freire.   This stuff would bore others to tears.  And rightfully so.

 Anyway nobody nowhere (wll fix the grammar later) writes well when they are psychologically or emotionally uncomfortable. So I work hard the first few weeks of class creating trust and an open atmosphere regardless of the approach I have chosen or that has been prescribed for me (rhetorical theory, literary theory , technical writing, service-learning etc.).  This is also regardless of whether I wake up that day thinking, "I love the world and people and must go see both" or (more likely) thinking, "I just want an hour or three more of sleep." Teaching is above all else performance.  If my luck sucks on a given Tuesday it is not my students' fault and I better be able to suck it up and be sociable and informative for an hour or so in their presence.  That is after all what I am paid to do.

 Really people tend to like being in class.  They work hard but they laugh and get to know each other.  And when possible we talk about comedy and funny stuff.

 OS is generally really good at making it possible for people to feel psychologically and emotionally comfortable while writing.  I would hate to see anyone not post because he or she fears unasked for editing.

I edited someone yesterday calling for better writing who in that call misspelled sentence, capitalize, and proofread.  If he or she had not been calling for higher standards in writing while not using them I would not have commented. I do apologize and regret my comment.  It was a cheap shot. In my defense in my comment I noted that I misspell or misuse words a lot.   Most of it is due to writing too fast, multi-tasking etc.  Some of it is still due to some cognitive damage from chemo that means on first drafts I often use a homonym or some other similar sounding word for the word I mean.  On the board in class the other day I wrote "deep" when I met "dip."  A student noticed and I explained my goofiness and asked her to keep noticing and telling me so I could make corrections.  This does not happen nearly as often as say in the early Fall so my situation is looking up ;0)

There are two writers here who have satirized or made comments about single mothers being less than others which make my skin crawl.   One is a man most likely and the other is a married mother.  Please just shut the f* up.  Obviously, that is a topic that gets to me.  I was once married but am now a single mother.  It is a tough, tough row to hoe.

I also teach many exhausted single mothers going to school on little sleep primarily  to improve the lives of their children.  I am friends with other single mothers whose children are at Tyler's daycare. What we have in common is that we are all dancing as fast as we can. Therefore, I will unleash otherwise worthless skills in discourse analysis on these two writers' vicious and unethical use of text about single mothers either for a cheap laugh or self-promotion.

That was a ramble. Sorry.

 Just trying to explain myself.

 Tyler and I are going to bed soon.

 

 

 

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Comments

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It is tough being a single mom. And a writer. And holding down a job. And all that. And you deserve a good night's rest. Sleep well.
I raised my sons solo so maybe I understand. I always enjoy and look for your posts. night...
The kind of people who take cheap shots at others, including single mothers, aren't worth losing any sleep over. I hope that you can let it go, Dorinda. They truly aren't worth it. :)
You sound like a great teacher, Dorinda.

Sweetest dreams to both you and Tyler.
As a single mom myself, I can tell you how much I appreciate your post. Thank you, and sleep tight. You deserve it. :)
it sounds like you are an excellent teacher and mother. i so relate to the cognitive damage. i can't fathom why anyone would make fun of single mothers? how is that amusing? fuck them and the horses they rode in on. and i know how much it hurts. two people lately, via PM, have suggested that i change my writing style and it really messed with me. thank you for your ramble and for also writing "shitty first drafts", as anne lamott calls them. nothing wrong with that. love love love and gratitude and rated for courage and goodness.
As the daughter of a single mother, the sister of a single mother, the friend of many a single mother, I'm with you, those idiots can shut the F* up.
Quite a few single mothers in the nursing program. I can't even imagine having that level of endurance.
Hey Dorinda. Excellent ramble-rant. People who make cheap shots are revealing more about themselves than the topic/attackee at hand. Don't let the bastards get you down! You seem to have a good head on your shoulders about it.
At least you knew you weren't connected.
One of things I really enjoy about blogging is that my AP Stylebook can sit unused. Dorinda I really enjoy your posts...yet I must respectfully disagree that nobody nowhere writes well unless they are psychologically and emotionally comfortable. I think of Martin Luther King Jr writing from his jail cell, or Hunter S. Thompson taking aim down a still warm .357 at a typewriter...we don't need to keep going right? Ok Ok Ok....you are teaching writing to folks who might not necessarily have been exposed to the experience. So setting up a safe zone for that to happen the first few times out is totally understandable. Frankly I don't think that any writer who is posting with two bolts outta their hinges already will even care about a snarky comment about their spelling or grammar. Having interviewed a few rather dark and eccentric authors I always kinda wonder who their editors are…do they have to work a lot or a little? Yet in the end these authors' work is indeed worth editing. Good writing rarely goes undiscovered. Thank the lord that Dorothy Parker or Ezra Pound didn't have to come up getting their writing rated on OS:)
Also….some of he best writers in the world = single mothers. Must we point out the obvious...that the most finanacially sucessful writer of all time is JK Rowling. I think anyone who complains about single mothers writing is simply jealous of their vast life expereince that likely make their work of a higher quality than those who are performing the heckling...
Seems to me that for every single mother out there, there is a single dad somewhere too, or at least single in that he is not married to the child's mother. The single mothers I know and have known in the past are, for the most part, the ones providing most of the care for their children, so for THOSE single mothers, there is an equal number of basically ABSENT fathers. In my book, those single mothers are the heroes of the story.
Dr. Fox,

nice post. I hope that you can find some calm in your world. Rest assured that people with superiority complexes are often hyper-critical of themselves and that probably can't make them feel any worst. Standing up for what you believe as a person is very important. I hope this stance makes you feel that.
Dr. Fox,
As a single mother 90% of the time, I appreciate your kudos. It's hard to get the dishes clean, babies clean and on their way towards a productive life, let alone to sit down and write. Or ramble. And then take the time to proofread and edit. But we do it because we love it and in many ways it's theraputic. And to recieve praise in a forum such as this is the cake topper. It's a wonderful outlet and for some, the preferred venue for socialization when all you've heard all day is monosyllabic demands. Thank you, my friend. Rated.
SuiJuri94 stole my thunder......I was going to say something similar. It's ironic that single mothers (especially the never married ones) are looked upon with such disdain when they were the ones who didn't leave. They are the ones who stayed and fought the brave fight....yet they are ostracized. If someone could explain to me how this makes any sense on any planet other than Bizarro world, you win a cookie.
really excellent ramble. In regards to the grammar and punctuation police, I find it useful to make fun of my bad self when it comes to that stuff. I mean, really. Why does it bother me? I'm just being ridiculous.

As for teaching philosophy statements, if you get a good template, oh let me in on it! Please! I HATE writing those things. I always come off sounding formulaic and insincere in them, even if I really really mean it.

You make an excellent case for NOT editing/commenting on someone's work in that way. I'm with you. I want to enjoy myself here, not take an extended writers' class. Those classes are brutal and evil. Thank you but no.

And now I'll stop rambling. It's early. The Kid wanted to be up at 5:15. sigh.
I do wish you'd have inlcuded links to the fuckwits who spoke badly about single moms. I raised my first child alone. I'd love to do a pile on, on those two unknowing and stupid souls.

rated of course
DF ~ you're a great mom, a great teacher, and a great woman ... nobody is keeping score ... you just keep being you ...
Now I'M wondering who the fuckwits are, too.

Thanks for this.
I enoyed reading this. Stupidly simple made me laugh out loud. Rated.
Dorinda, you never understood my blog and you probably never will. I don't write to mock single moms. My own mother was a single mom, and she is and has always been a saint. Many of my biggest fans are moms.

You've said before that you think it's unforgivable to develop a fictional character who's a single mother. It's not. True, this character isn't uplifting. But part of the intent of my writing is to agitate the reader. People get mad at the thought of bad mothers. That's why Jocelyn is the way she is.

I understand if it's not your cup of tea, but it's also not the ethical issue that you make it out to be. I don't write to offend people personally. I've put my trust in the belief that the real single moms out there have the dignity to read my blog without assuming that Jocelyn stands to represent them in any way.
OK, I confess. I "get" JTH, and it's not about trashing all single-mothers.

JTH is a very specific kind of single mother--the tough girl who beat up other children in elementary school, bragged about it, couldn't wait to drop out of school, couldn't stop talking about it, thought education was for fags/pussies/assholes, took up smoking at 11 to look cool, paid for smokes she stole out of her mom's purse, started having sex at 12 for the thrill of it, routinely hung out/hooked up with "boys" 6 to 10 years older than her, started getting drunk on weekends at 13, achieved her much-coveted dropout status at 15 when she got pregnant, never considered giving up the child to somebody capable of raising it, never thought about finishing school, scoffed at the counselor who tried to steer her toward a GED...

JTH is my grade school best friend.

I don't read "her" blog to laugh at her. I read "her" blog because I've known her a dozen times over, and I find the real life JTH types infuriating, and I can't say so in "polite" society. So I appreciate reading JTH's over-the-top, self-satisfied rants, because they let me know somebody else thinks maybe that series of life choices isn't an optimal one. I find nothing admirable about a character who swaggers around boasting about how she got drunk in a bar and cracking a pool cue over some unsuspecting guy's head (or whatever other low-class thing she's cluelessly bragging about in most of her entries).

This fictional character engages in a mountain of patently antisocial and self-endangering behaviors that are rampant out there in the "real world."

Should satirical critique of those behaviors simply be off-limits?

----------------

On another track entirely, Paulo Friere's corpse should be dug up, shot through the head, and set on fire.

There.

Now maybe we can have a nice violent argument among writing teachers about whether a "liberation" teaching philosophy based on third-world experiences is appropriate for the typical college freshman in the first-world.
(ahem; make that paid for smokes WITH MONEY she stole out of her mom's purse--which came from the welfare check)

I am making absolutely none of this up.
Jocelyn you have a right to comment and that is cool. I have a right to dislike your writing. I did not mention your name. If people wanted to associate that comment with you they had to make the connection themselves.

Your work is unethical and vicious promoting cheap laughs for self promotion. I don't care if others like it. I do not. So we agree on one point. I never will like your work even though I do get it. It is just inferior.


Since you are here I will answer the comment by noting why I consider your work to be unsuccessful satire. It is formulaic and coarse relying on 25 point lists filled with bathroom humor. If you don't fall back on that you employ descriptions of violence against some perceived Liberal idealized group. A tag line for a joke in your columns . . . . and I have not read any this year is "xyz xyz take a shit." The names of your children in the previous blogs I read were Afrocentric which is not funny. You referred to a Mexican women as "rat-faced." The appropriate adjective for your writing is hackneyed.

There are comedians who can present offensive material in a rhetorically significant way but you are not one of them. Not even close. I like the work of those comedians. I am not a prude. They don't rely on formulas or a coarse persona. They do rely on wit and arguments even when using obscene language. I believe the common wisdom is if one has to explain a joke it is not a good joke. So stop explaining to me why you are funny. You should not have to.

If plenty of single mothers like your work then why in the world do you care if some English teacher in Florida dislikes it?
Verbal Remedy,

I am not saying others should not find her funny. I just don't.

I only mentioned this at all because there have been exactly three writers for whom I have written something negative. That was one of the more infamous and please notice I have not done so again until I answered Jocelyn's comment.
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