Get Used To It

Dorinda Fox

Location: Orlando, Florida, United States
Birthday: May 20

Bio: I teach writing at several universities. My two daughters are five and 16. I adore my children, have trouble raising them, and you will read more about them than you care to. I am a cancer survivor. I was born and raised in Arkansas. I am addicted to Starbucks black iced tea. "What if it's boring... or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring." Lily Tomlin referring to her teenage diary, in an interview in Movie magazine (July 1983) "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell "I'm teaching myself to live without sleeping because I don't trust my dreams." -- Jon Stewart on the Daily Show

MY RECENT COMMENTS

“I don't know what love is. If I ever find it again it would truly be the result…”
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“I go to the movies on Thanksgiving and eat Mexican food that is bad for me -- rea…”
November 23, 2009 06:41PM
“Excellent post and I don't hover either and have been criticized. You articulate…”
November 21, 2009 11:31AM
“Excellent writing. Rather judgmental doctor there. Are others available?”
November 21, 2009 11:06AM
“Lovely. I like the focus on the windows to light elsewhere.”
November 21, 2009 09:55AM

Dorinda Fox's Links

Salon.com

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OCTOBER 19, 2009 5:37AM

Rate: 22 Flag

So hard to look in the mirror

and see the woman I have spent a lifetime

not wanting to see or be.

That angry woman.

That woman others dread to be around.

The woman I ran away from.

I try so hard to . . .

Listen to others when they speak.

Ask others about their lives.

Show sincere interest.

To be her polar opposite.

Before robbed of the physical and emotional energy needed

I tried so hard to . . .

Keep my figure.

Wear a smile.

Show physical affection.

Laugh.

Be pretty.

It makes no difference.

She was here before.

Is here now.

You are just like --.

Others know the words are a weapon as they are hurled.

That is what they say before the rejection.

A woman with a camera was insistent on taking my photo this weekend and I asked her to stop because I do not like to see photos of myself. She said, “Get used to it. A lot of us don’t like what we see.”

I am so tired of being used to it.

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Comments

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I can be annoying that way, with the photos. Glad it wasn't me, at least.

Rich Banks

October 19, 2009 06:39 AM

That was an intense read- it's so much easier for others to tell us what we should just accept than it is to live in the person that has to do the work.

mamoore

October 19, 2009 08:23 AM

Dorinda, your light shines. I've seen it. I know others see it. Can you see it? If you do, it will light your way ... and for you, it'll be in a big way; it's that bright!

~R~

Rod Emmons

October 19, 2009 08:26 AM

these are my words. at least, there is this: you are not alone.

thinkfeel

October 19, 2009 08:31 AM

Like being told "smile!"

skeletnwmn

October 19, 2009 08:59 AM

We are are harshest critics. Photos are personal invasions or personal invitations...you should be able to choose, or at least be respected.

You are a beautiful woman, both inside and out...and warm and generous maybe to a fault...but I would rather be this way than to appear as the other.

Love you.

BuffyW

October 19, 2009 09:14 AM

you are beautiful. I don't like to see photos of myself either. Never had to worry about anyone taking pictures though.

bobbot

October 19, 2009 09:42 AM

I thought you were suggesting a resemblance with your mother. At a certain age, a look or gesture might remind me of my own mother in myself. Sometimes that's good and sometimes not.

Janelle Tapscott

October 19, 2009 10:01 AM

Dorinda: During virtually every exchange I'v ever had with you, it always occurs to me what a kind heart and gentle spirit you have. How interesting that you see yourself so differently.
Oh, and if I were a photographer, I couldn't resist taking your picture.

john walker

October 19, 2009 10:24 AM

Don't get used to it.

I for one refuse to "get over it" and tell people so. F*** 'em.

Deborah Young

October 19, 2009 01:13 PM

I think we all judge our own selves way too harshly. As my husband says, give yourself a break every once in awhile. You deserve it.

Gwendolyn Glover

October 19, 2009 02:48 PM

Without the proof in the photo, there's still a chance we might be who we are trying to be...I so get it!

Tiger Sonora

October 19, 2009 07:49 PM

I am blessed with such sweet friends who read my really bad poetry. Janelle your senses are spidey like ;0)

Dorinda Fox

October 19, 2009 09:00 PM

I can't be sure, of course, of exactly what this poem was intended to mean, but the wonderful thing about poetry is that it speaks to me anyway, as I provide my own context. And it is really speaking to me. Rated.

Cindy Ross

October 19, 2009 09:11 PM

Well, having just met you, and knowing now how truly lovely you are, your soft manner, quiet voice, beautiful smile...I don't see you the way you see you. Just so you know, I was verklempt at your grace. So your assessment and collective memories aren't easy for me, but I know what you're saying...I just have a different sense. Beauty and veneer are two different things, you're lovely in both.

bbd

October 19, 2009 09:18 PM

Well hell, after what Barry said what can any of the rest of us add??? :)

Walk Away

October 19, 2009 09:27 PM

The poetry does not seem bad to me, at all, also the subject matter is so relatable to so many of us. I look at photos and wonder who that women is? I try to think what is the alternative? R

rita shibr

October 19, 2009 09:36 PM

I HATE when people take my picture - it reminds me that I'm not 27 anymore which I spend all the rest of the time attempting to convince myself that I am. Oh well. Deal with it, I guess.

Duaneart

October 19, 2009 09:41 PM

I too hate who I see in the picture. But in my mind I like me and I think I am pretty cool. I see you the same way. Screw those pictures and sometimes that hateful mirror! You said this so well.

Lunchlady 2

October 20, 2009 07:20 PM

People should respect a request to desist taking photos - it's only polite to stop if someone says stop. It's your image, you should have some voice in whether or not the person can have it. (They're "taking" your picture - right?)

Yes, you have friends here, no need to doubt that.

Umbrellakinesis

October 20, 2009 07:47 PM

At the risk of repeating others' comments, you and your writing are beautiful, and your poetry is not bad. You touch on feelings so many of us have had. I have wondered who I've become, or disappointed by her, more than once lately. It will pass, and come back, and pass again. Hang in there.