Look, I don't want to get blown up in a plane. I travel a lot, and I certainly don't want to be on a plane that explodes, crashes into buildings, ditches in the ocean, or what have you. Definitely not.
But I'll tell you, the moment I heard that some incompetent clown from Nigeria (as if they're not making us all suffer enough with their bloody spam!) lit himself on fire in an inane attempt to blow up a plane that was totally reminiscent of another bonehead (Richard Reid, the "shoe bomber"), all I could think was, "Great, what idiotic thing will they have us all do now?" Because of Reid we all have to paddle around the security area in our stocking feet. What next?
Strip searches, body cavity searches, restrictions on laptops, iPhones, cell phones, and magazines longer than 100 pages. No wool socks; cotton only. Nothing more than 50% polyester--which is, after all, basically frozen gasoline. Wheelchair-bound folks dragged bodily through metal detectors while their chairs get scanned. Toothbrushes disallowed. Who knows what idiot restriction they'll come up with next?
And hey, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab had his "incendiaries" under his pants, right? I bet money that, if they could get away with it, they would have us all take off our pants along with our shoes and put them through the x-ray machine as well. ("Men, if you're wearing boxers, you have to go through our special screening. Ladies: bras off. Put them on the conveyor belt here! No underwires on this flight; you'll have to go without or put on this loaner jogging bra. What? No, we don't have them in any sizes bigger than B. Sorry.")
(And don't get me started on the almost-certain increase in the amount of scrutiny Muslims--all Muslims--will now be under. Muslims, and anyone who appears to contain any genes in their makeup that come from the general area of the Levant. Plus Indians, Pakistanis, Indonesians, and who knows who else.)
People who bitch and moan and yowl and kvetch about any restrictions on gun use--"Why shouldn't I carry guns to a Presidential event? It's my Second Amendment right!"--will no doubt passively submit to the increased privacy invasion and ritual humiliation that will certainly be Coming Soon to an Airport Near You!
Do I want to be blown up by a nutbag because some screaming madman managed to convince somebody that killing dozens of innocent people will cause him to be surrounded by Houris for the rest of eternity? Of course not. But I'll tell you: I'm rapidly reaching the point where I'd rather be blown up than submit to additional bullshit at the airport gate. Coat off! Shoes off! Belt off! Child through alone! Put your bandanna on the conveyor! No hats! How can I be sure that's just a telescope that you got as a gift for your son?! Into the isolation booth with you! Why? Because I said so! (I'm not making any of these up.)
Why stop there? How about pre-flight barium enemas, full cavity searches, chest x-rays, no carry-ons whatsoever, everyone has to sit still for the whole flight, you have to ask permission to use the restroom (escorted by an armed guard), and everyone has to urinate on a Koran as they're boarding and sing Christian hymns during takeoff and landing. I'm mean, let's really go for it!
If I could take a train, I would. A high-speed rail going 200MPH would get me from Austin to the Bay Area in about 9 hours or so. Which is, what with all the security scans and hassles and bullshit of air travel, almost exactly the same amount of time it takes me by air. (One memorable day it took 12 hours.) For all those people who made fun of using stimulus funds to build high-speed rail, I say unto thee: pbtbtbtbt!
Yessir, I just can't wait to see what additions they'll have made to the kabuki theater that they call "airport security" when I try to board my flight next Sunday. Thanks a whole heap, Mr. Abdulmutallab. Not only are you not going to paradise, you've made the lives of tens of millions of people just that much more miserable. Hope that makes your time in SuperMax more enjoyable.
Update: Well, that didn't take long. From HuffPo:
On one Air Canada flight from Toronto to New York's La Guardia Airport the crew told passengers before departure that in addition to remaining in their seats for the duration of one-hour flight, they were not allowed to use any electronic devices – even iPods – or their own headphones. The crew also told passengers that they would not be able to access their personal belongings because of the "enhanced security procedures."
Over the weekend, travelers on incoming international flights said that during the final hour, attendants removed blankets, banned opening overhead bins, and told passengers to stay in their seats with their hands in plain sight.
I have whittled down my key carry-on items to a shoulder bag that contains only necessary items (bottle of ibuprofen, wallet, keys, and my laptop--which I am required by my work to carry on and not check), and my iPhone, which has dozens of books, music, TV shows, movies, and games. So now I guess I have a choice: fight the flight attendants so I can use my iPhone; start carting on more junk (e.g. paperback books); hide my gizmo usage and hope I don't get caught; sit there like a good little police-state soldier. Woo hoo! Extra hoo!
But alas, are the passengers objecting? Nuh uh:
Leslie, 26, of Keasby, N.J., said security screeners in Santo Domingo asked her to lift her long hair so they could look at her back.
"I don't mind at all," she said. "I'd rather them do what they have to do."
eff Fox, of Alpharetta, Ga., who was returning with his family from Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. after a weeklong cruise, said he will tolerate new restrictions if officials think they will keep passengers safer.
"I'm one of those who trusts that they're trying to do the right thing, even if it is a pain," he said.
Silvia Zhang, 20, of Chicago, said restrictions on her flight from Hong Kong to O'Hare Airport made her feel "like I was in school again – there were too many rules."
But, she added, "it might be necessary because of what happened."
What happened to all those angry guns' rights people? The teabaggers yelling "Don't tread on me?" Call me crazy, but I think Tom Paine would be disgusted with us.
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(thumbified for common sense. I want my flying car.)
...because that's how long it takes to get from Amsterdam (where this particular flight originated) to the US.
So, because someone got through a European checkpoint on a flight into the US, all US domestic passengers - on flights for people already in the country to somewhere else in the country - will have to be inconvenienced.
Yep, makes perfect sense to me.
So, after boarding the flight 30-40 minutes before departure, sitting on the tarmac for up to 3 hours (because of the new restrictions passed by Congress, they're not allowed to hold you there longer without allowing you off - presumably to use the potty), you then have to wait an hour and a half to get to the gate, get your bag off, wait for everyone else getting their bag off, then get into the terminal before pissing your pants.
Oh, kids, too. Good fucking luck with this one.
If I could get anywhere in the US on a plane in under 2 hours flying time, I'd fucking drive there.
El Al airlines (Israel) initiated quite severe security procedures after a spate of hijackings in the 70's (in my memory, anyway - too late tonite to google it). Those procedures worked. No one has been successful in terror attempts since. Americans need to figure it out - if we want to fly, there *will* be procedures to follow. We should've instituted El Al's procedures after 9/11, and not pussyfoot around adding this and that every 6 mos. because our air carriers run on such a tight profit margin they fear scaring away customers. I think Americans will continue to fly (trains, puleeeeze), and they will suck it up and do whatever it takes to do so. Jet Blue can get me across the country for $99?? Frisk me! BTW, I do know something about aviation, so I'm not giving my personal opinion.
Nigeria is also famous for kidnapping (check it out) businesspeople for ransom; they are quite successful at it. I suppose it was only a matter of time before some of them decided another way to get into heaven. Better to learn about our (supposed) "enemies" than demonize them right off the bat. All 'terrorists' are not crazy; rather, they have an agenda and are willing to give their lives for it. We westerners DO NOT understand that. If you didn't start paying attention after 9/11, then it's time to start finding out all you can about how people in other countries view ours, and *why* they would want to make such a statement. Thanks!
Second, many of the screening procedures seem to be knee-jerk responses to specific incidents; some of the procedures aren't actually necessary or effective, but are instituted because they give passengers the illusion of safety. Remember after the shoe bomber incident when J. K. Rowling was almost not allowed to hand-carry one of the Harry Potter manuscripts on board a plane? She insisted because she had made notes on the manuscript. Because she was J. K. Rowling, she was allowed to take it on board--but only if it were rubber-banded together and she didn't take the rubber bands off. Who knew rubber bands could prevent a manuscript (the pen *is* mightier than the sword) from bringing down an airplane? Maybe if we all bound ourselves in rubber bands (and adult diapers), we'd be safe.
Rated.
People keep talking about El Al and profiling being the right idea...note that this flight was going to Detroit, which has a very large Muslim population--most of the folks I saw or heard of that were on the flight appeared to be Middle Eastern. Profiling, right, good plan. Says something about the nutjob too, it seemed to be convenient to make this ridiculous attempt on a plane full of his fellow Muslims.
I suppose "national security" will delay or prevent the release of the news that this dickwad's "bomb" could never have worked in a million years...just like Reid's Get Stupid shoephone contraption.
:)
Well said.
I used to travel quite a bit for business - that's been curtailed thanks to the Economic Downturn. But when I did, my silent prayer as I shuffled along in the security checkpoint line was always, "Please, Lord, if you're up there, do not tell the next terrorist to use a ballpoint pen or a laptop in his attempt to take down an airplane...." Because otherwise, I would have to check the two things that I use the most to actually get work done while OTR.
My all time #1 gripe is that the restrictions and rules are NEVER the same from airport to airport. Take the laptop out, put the shoes on the belt, MA'AM, YOUR SHOES DO NOT GO ON THE BELT, EVEN IF YOU JUST DID THAT ON YOUR WAY HERE. Leave your boarding pass out, put it away, I DO NOT NEED TO SEE YOUR ID, WHERE IS YOUR ID?? God, It's like being in the movie, "Brazil." (Which, BTW, also has a fantastic exchange about "so I suppose you'd rather have terrorists, then?")
Oh, and hear, hear on the train. I have taken it not to save any time, but just because it is less hassle than driving or flying, by a loooong shot.
I said this in print -- well, in pixels -- in 2001: the terrorists have already won. And they keep running up the score.
What I find very puzzling is that what would prevent someone to repeat the same thing, but do it half-way during the flight (if we assume this guy makes it through security). Do the TSA really believe that such person will wait until 1 hour of landing? Thus, this means that this measure, the 1-hour rule, is essentially useless.
And -- speaking as a middle-aged white woman -- if middle-aged white Catholic women were blowing up planes and otherwise wreaking worldwide havoc, I'd be more than happy to submit my middle-aged white Catholic female self to whatever screening deemed necessary to keep me and my fellow travelers safe from others of my demographic ilk.
Rated for common sense.
I'm thinking we'll all have to wear our underwear on the outside to get on a plane now.
It is all just so weird.
Great post, Douglas.
I wonder if I have to hold it for an extra hour or two, if I can bill my kidney infection to the airlines?
Jeebus. What a crock. (Not looking forward to flying next week).
I think we should all boycott the airlines/TSA and see what they do with that. The onus needs to be on TSA - not the passengers. They're circumventing their own system and putting it in our laps - literally. Instead of stopping it before it gets on the plane, they're hoping by monitoring possible passengers with explosives on the planes that WE will stop it. Hello! Stop it AT the gate! OMG heaven help us all. God bless the heroes on our flights is all I have to say.
My parents still live in Canada and I've already told them that if I come to visit them in the near future, I'll be flying into Detroit or Buffalo and driving into Toronto. The Canadian equivalent to the TSA, Transport Canada, just announced that they were no longer allowing any carry on baggage. You can bring your laptop, your camera or even a small purse. But that's it if you're flying to the US.
I get so sick and tired of the hoops that I have to jump through to get on a plane. I've gone through the most inane screening issues in the past few years, usually with my son. At two years old, he was ordered to put his security blanket on the x-ray machine. On another trip, his car seat was swabbed and tested positive for explosives (word of warning - don't ever get propane gas for your grill in the car with the same car seat your kid will travel with), which led to extra screening.
I guess this is why the airlines have been putting in those leather seats in all their planes. Not only are they easier to clean, but they won't soak up the accidents that would inevitably happen during these 1 hour pee-free periods.
I miss the good ol' days of flying.
6 years ago on Christmas eve I was flying to Boston from L.A. The plane stopped in Philly, took off again and then an hour later flew BACK to Philly because fog was too thick to land in Boston. We all spent Christmas eve in Philly's airport - and I mean within the secure TSA area. We never left the gate area. We were all just awaiting another flight out to Boston in the morning. Well, I was assigned a new ticket and despite the fact I'd NEVER left the secure area, was marched out along with everyone else to re-enter through TSA again. Because my ticket was deemed 'just purchased', which wasn't even true - it was reissued to continue my PLANNED flight, I had to go through a COMPLETE search. Luggage, clothing, me, with wands, some device that looked for explosive residue on everything and they had DOGS. I held a valid U.S. passport, current drivers license, paid for my original (round trip...) ticket with a credit card, had flown in from another major U.S. city, wasn't on any watch list, wasn't being reported by my father as being anything but the apple of his eye and everyone KNEW that the people on my flight were sent back due to fog.
I just don't get it. This guy walks on with nothing, has a one way cash ticket, is on a watch list, his father warned the govt and the passengers still have to apprehend him to save themselves.
I feel justified carrying a gun on a plane since I'll have to be the one to save my own life.
Okay, I'm done. Thanks for letting me vent, er, I mean comment :)
Face it, Americans. Your days of glory are over. You'll just have to settle for freezing to death in a cardboard box in the city where you currently live, once your job is outsourced and your mortgage falls apart. Talking about travel is pointless and stupid when your real worry is what trash can you're going to be eating from tomorrow.
Scary times. Lambs, we are.
Don't tell me it can't be done with foolproof security. This in a country that put a man on the moon?? The Massachusetts driver license is a fine example of what can be done. So Ms.
Neopolitano let's get it done.
Enough and more than enough!! IMHO this issue is worth taking to the street.
Btw, for YEARS, even before 9/11, Amsterdam and Athens are two international airports notorious for lax security. I never travel through either one. Or Rome, come to think of it.
But you're right, we'll all be subjected to more stupidity from this latest burning asshat.
This rule certainly makes as much sense as some of the BS that air travellers currently put up with.