First of all, I never meant this story to be a blog post.  I’ve been trying for a few years–to no avail–to write a serious literary essay about this.  The trouble is that the odd mixture of hilarity, sadness, and just plain weird has made this difficult.  Now the time has… Read full post »

OK, the first thing you should know is that my co-worker has the cutest little girl ever invented.  Like scary cute.  The kind of cute that compels grown-ups for no good reason to write down their checking account numbers for her and to take out second mortgages on their homes to… Read full post »

OK listen up: just to be clear, I do not know Jared Padalecki, nor has he ever personally done anything to me to earn my unadulterated hatred or even mild dislike.  I sure that Jared Padalecki is a swell guy.  He probably adopts kittens from animal shelters and gives them to… Read full post »

So, there I was in Walmart…which sounds like the start of some horrific joke about Southerners, but lets face it: I live in Cullowhee, North Carolina.  This is what you do when you’re looking for a wild night out on … Continue reading →

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So, there I was in Walmart…which sounds like the start of some horrific joke about Southerners, but lets face it: I live in Cullowhee, North Carolina.  This is what you do when you’re looking for a wild night out on the town.  Browsing the aisles, I was trying to decide if… Read full post »

A few weeks ago, my fiance was out with her mother, shopping for a wedding dress, and, in accordance to long-standing tradition, I stayed home to dog-sit.   The tenet of not seeing the bride in her wedding dress before … Continue reading →

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A few weeks ago, my fiance was out with her mother, shopping for a wedding dress, and, in accordance to long-standing tradition, I stayed home to dog-sit.   The tenet of not seeing the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding apparently applies not only to THE wedding dress, but… Read full post »

Chivalry Is Like Totally Not Dead For Reals.

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Chivalry Is Like Totally Not Dead For Reals.

A friend of mine took up writing letters this summer as a way of keeping track of friends during the school break. I have to admit that when she told me about the idea, I was immediately struck by a … Continue reading →

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First, try to be something, anything, else. –Lorrie Moore, How to Become a Writer’ A few weeks ago, The Guardian published some lists of via How to Be a Writer Although You Probably Shouldn’t Be One.

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"The night after he is discharged, Wally smokes marijuana for the first time and ejaculates inside of a prostitute. She has a prosthetic leg. She fakes an orgasm." Continue reading →

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I can’t say that it was all time wasted. I learned a few things while employed there. For instance, if you take a whole chicken (before you throw it on the grill and char the sin out of it) and hold it beneath its fleshy, naked wings, it looks…

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Shoved into a scuffed Brogan work boot, his right leg wasn’t a leg at all, but a prosthetic. I saw the manager staring wordlessly, coldly, at the limb, and, for a moment, I felt embarrassed for the man, as though he had accidentally shown us his penis. Continue reading →…

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My mother believed with all her heart that a child learning the proper way to take a dump was a family moment—not to mention a Kodak one. Continue reading →

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