Think about the way we speak. Literally, the way you speak. Sometimes we forget that when we open our mouths we are actually saying something that may be interpreted mistakenly. It might be lightly interpreted clear, but sometimes, it may just be something that suffices no philosophy at all. As we realize when we speak, someone else is engaged in the conversation with us; we both make choices to carry on or walk away. If we must make a choice to continue listening or choose to doze off into some day dream by nodding the head oblivion while the words keep coming out; are we engaged?
What happens when they don't get the hint that we are either interested or not interested?
Why wouldn't there be some type of reciprocation with body language or even feedback early on to give us a clue that the conversation has completely lost us? Are we a wasted thought to each other sometimes? If we didn't use words all the time to show people we are interested in their voice, would we compete to get our point across loud and clear? Or would we try to get more face time hearing our own selves speak?
Think about the presumed relationships we create from conversation.
Once someone engages us in a back and forth verbal exchange; we are ultimately in a communication relationship. We are now held accountable for thoughts, fears, emotions, ideas, and recollection; sometimes even a chronological stream of consciousness. Stating the obvious would be too obvious. Finding the oblivious is sometimes too daring. Being the center of a conversation is for some the most shining moment of time; while others.. its the most intimidating; its the most uncomfortable.
"I'm not raising my voice. THIS WOULD BE RAISING MY VOICE TO YOU, okay? I don't want to check my bag, okay? And, by the way, your airline? You SUCK at checking bags, okay, because I already did that once and you lost it, and then I had everything screwed up very badly for me, okay?" Gaylord "Greg" Focker
Do you see how a rambling of words can mean something so different than the intended words set apart? We roll off phrases sometimes without masking the two terms together. We say things we regret without knowing the regret till after the fact. Knowing is as simple as believing. Forgiving is harder than understanding. As we encounter conversation relationships with those we know, with strangers and with our superiors; we are becoming more and more reluctant to the words and their meanings. We are becoming invincible to our conversation counterpart's impression.
"I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker." - Jack Byrnes
It is classic to know that something so meaningless could be so powerful. Think about how you speak in your relationships. Think about what you are really trying to say. People can't read minds, people can't guess the end of a conversation. Non-verbal cues like looking at the ground, looking beyond your shoulder, gazing at their watch, or even attempting to walk away, might just mean people aren't interested. It may just mean you are not worth their time. So speak less, and listen more. That is my mantra this year. Its time to listen, and we all need a little less time interrupting, because I am sure there is something valuable to be said.
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bobbot
Alpha Whiskey
Gary Gladstone
fingerlakeswanderer
Dennis Knight
Gabby Fox
Salon.com
Comments
Now, as for your most excellent point, I love this. I love your New Year's resolution. I tell my clients, especially those in couples counseling, to try to use less words. There is truth to "less is more". Much of couple's counseling is oriented to the way women communication where, on the average, women speak way too many words for most men. Tone is huge as you addressed so well. Tone makes a huge difference...you make great points here and thank you for reminding me. I am way too verbose and this is a practice I want to be actively engaged in. Rated.