OK. 

I thought we had this all worked out.  But I guess not, huh?  Because it looks like while I've been away, busy with my TV empire, you've been gnawing at all that not-so-good-fer-you stuff from the fridge again, haven't ya, fatty fat-fat?

Well, America, it's ti… Read full post »

That's right, I'm back and I'm all fired up, fatty fat-fat!  Why's that?  Because I see by the news that none other than the First Fine Lady herself, Michelle Obama, has decided to jump on board with my own effort to slim down all you fatties.  OK?  OK.

(Miche… Read full post »

Yeah, I haven't gone anywhere, fatty fat-fat.  I'm still here, right where you left me:  inside of YOU!  That's right fat stuff, I'm speaking to you from inside the Big Easy, the low slo-go, the inside track....and I've been colon trollin'.  OK?  OK.

And what d… Read full post »

Alright, it took me a couple days in the hospital to recuperate from that lung you punctured with a flying ExoCyze bike-spoke, fatty fat-fat.  And now, you and me are gonna take a little ride.  OK?  OK.

That's right, I brought these two Armenian gentlemen along to give me a hand. … Read full post »

Listen up, fatty fat-fat!  I ain't gonna fool around with you no more.  We're gonna have it out once and for all.  And just because I'm on crutches, don't think I can't take you.  OK?  OK.

It's pretty pathetic, what you did yesterday.  Yeah, I know, I was the one th… Read full post »

Alright, fatty fat-fat.  When you landed on me yesterday you broke two of my ribs, collapsed a lung, and punctured my spleen.  But luckily I'm a doctor so I'm insured.  OK?  OK.

But I still feel like Shaun White after he landed on his face.  So what are we gonna do… Read full post »

I know it's only been a day since I told you to lose some weight, but you mean to tell me that you haven't even made it off the damn sofa yet? 

Listen, fatty fat-fat, that blubber ain't gonna just fall away.  You're gonna have to work at it.  But there… Read full post »

I've been thinking about this and thinking about this and there's just something I gotta say to you.  OK?  OK.

YOU are fat.

I mean you're a regular big ol' fatty fat-fat, aren't ya?  We both know it.  So don't stand there, with a porkchop hangin' outta yer mouth, and that sle… Read full post »