God help me. We are getting a puppy.

We almost got one a few months ago but there were some undescended testicle issues that put the brakes on that one. Which turned out to be fortuitous since this next puppy, thankfully, is going to be a girl. One… Read full post »

The thing about being pregnant for the first time is that as far as you know, it's all about labor. The fact that an actual baby arrives at the end of it, and then you have to raise it forever, well, that part is just so unimaginable that… Read full post »

There's something that's been bugging me since Passover. It's the whole liberation thing. Don't tell anyone, but.....I am just not all that into liberation.

You know what liberation brings?  Responsibility.

So, um, yeah. No thanks.

As a slave in Egypt, what would I worry about? Nothing, that's w… Read full post »

Who thought of that stupid Facebook thing, anyway? You know, that app where everyone lists all the places they've been and shares their bucket list and seizes the day and puts pins on the map and shit? What a load.

100 PLACES TO VISIT BEFORE YOU DIE. Fuck… Read full post »

My birthday is almost over. Only thirteen more hours. Thank God.

I have a shitload of things I want to do today and they don't seem, I don't know, birthdayish kinds of things, so I have to wait until tomorrow. Which, frankly, flies in the face of everyone's wishes… Read full post »

Right at this very moment, even as you are reading this, the penny is losing value.  It has lost almost 97% of its value so far. That's what they said on NPR. It is shocking, right? I cannot believe it.

I also cannot really understand what it means since… Read full post »

Consider the endodontists how they work: they toil (for, like, 35 minutes), they spin (and drill a bit); and yet I say unto you, that the rest of us (hard workers) in all our glory are not arrayed like one of these.

Nor do… Read full post »

When I tell you that my most exciting news is that I discovered a new recipe for salad dressing, you will understand why I haven't written lately.

I'll tell you what: writing a blog is a lot of pressure. Not the writing part, of course, the writing part… Read full post »

I am not about maximizing. Even my bra is minimizing.

I am, however, still working on designing a double-headed yamulka out of my old bras. You know, for Jewish twins conjoined at the head. I want to make Judaism accessible for everyone because, frankly, our people cannot afford… Read full post »

Clearly, it is just a myth that if you get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, get daily exercise and think noble thoughts, you will wake up each morning at the crack of dawn, bound out of bed and face the new day with a smile and a… Read full post »

I could not remember the word "table" the other day. This is the second time I have forgotten that particular word. This can't be good.

In general, I am not unduly freaked by what my brain does in this post-menopausal veil of tears. I have managed to get by… Read full post »

The following is a list of shit I can't find and have made numerous attempts to find but life is short so I have given up and I will either buy a new one or live without it:

1. My yakisoba pillow. It held and caressed my face like… Read full post »

What ever happened to the G-spot? Was it merely a passing fancy, a lark, the artichoke pesto of sexual pleasure? No one ever talks about it anymore.

Maybe it's been replaced by the new and improved H-spot. Or the low- carb G spot or something. Or HARRY'S LAW… Read full post »

You think YOU feel like a loser? You have no idea.

I am close personal friends with not one but two heroes.  Andy Lipkis (http://www.treepeople.org) and Freddy Mednick (http://teacherswithoutborders.org) are doing nothing less than saving the world every day. And, as you can imagine, this mak… Read full post »

Now that we are out of Iraq, I can focus on the rest of the shit going wrong in America.

Specifically, how everyone is using the @ sign on keyboards. It will be our country's next downfall.

Granted, @ carries with it some interesting global factitude  (it's called "the snail"… Read full post »

Don't despair, there is hope for the world.  I met her. She is two and a half years old, and we can expect  great things from her in the future.

The little girl, whom we will call The Little Girl, made her stand at Target last Wednesday. After… Read full post »

There are certain things that I know for sure, too. Sister Oprah isn't the only one who can make that claim.

And here is one of the things I know for sure: in this world, some shit counts and some doesn't. It's not all fair and square in the… Read full post »

I just started reading what I think is going to be an odd little book. THE UNCOUPLING, by Meg Wolitzer, so far, appears to be a story about a town where the women all lose their desire to have sex as a result of attending the local high… Read full post »

Mom broke her pelvis in October. Yeah, I guess there wasn't enough shit flying around our family this year so the universe pushed her down while she was gardening and broke her. Which means that now they have to buy her.

A friend with a mother my mom's… Read full post »

I just don't know if I am ready to get a dog again.

For one thing, I am finally okay with the way my house smells. Most times. Not after Robin has just come home from a long day on the boat, of course, but I suppose I can't… Read full post »

Did you hear the story on NPR the other morning about men and women and multi-tasking? No? Well, then, stop whatever you are doing so you can focus on this.

Evidently, according to the research, when women multi-task we feel put-upon and angry. Whereas, when men multi-task they… Read full post »

It was a Very Dry Thanksgiving. The turkey had no moisture at all -it actually crumbled in my hands, like freeze dried; I tore a cuticle on the stuffing and my apple pie was so dry that my sister thought it was more stuffing. It is a holiday… Read full post »

I miss the Occupy movement. Yeah, I know it's still going on. But I don't think about it much.

I think the movement is a victim of bad timing, what with the holiday season and cold weather and all. When the autumn leaves turn to gold and the promise… Read full post »

So Robin and I pull into the parking lot at the grocery store yesterday afternoon. I was in a good mood. No axes to grind. No big issues with the world at large. I wasn't choking on buried, seething resentments or anything. For a change. I periodically like… Read full post »

Don't panic, but I have dire news: We've been made.

The Neiman Marcus Christmas catalogue is offering a YURT this year.  Made out of Sunbrella™, whatever the hell that is, but it sounds like something a top-notch commune would want their yurts to be made out of. (Also,… Read full post »