Dr. Strangemom

Dr. Strangemom
Birthday
December 31
Bio
Thinking about shit and making up shit.

MY RECENT POSTS

Dr. Strangemom's Links

Salon.com
NOVEMBER 19, 2014 11:49AM

A Charming Fixer-Upper

I've been deathly ill, have you heard?

I'm on the mend now, but it was a long week of chills and aches and feeling relieved that I already live in Oregon because if I didn't, I would have to move here so I could kill myself. It was a bad flu.Read full post »

OCTOBER 30, 2014 1:20AM

Knick, Knack, Cataract

I went to the eye doctor today becasue I have eye cancer. Or glaucoma. Or Ebola of the Eye. Most likely one of those. I am qualified to self-diagnose because I have a degree in Ethnomusicology, which is very similar to a degree in medicine, in that both areas of studyRead full post »

OCTOBER 17, 2014 12:26AM

Phila's Log

5:11 AM - leaves blowing in the wind. Alerted the family for fifteen minutes. Expected treat. Was disappointed.
5:40 AM - Thought I saw an intruder under the bed. Alerted the family. It was Ann's new slipper. Neutralized it when she fell back asleep for five minutes. Hoped for, but didn't/

Read full post »
OCTOBER 3, 2014 4:32PM

And So It Begins...

Thirty-two hours to the end of Yom Kippur. I am already three centimeters atoned and ten percent effaced. I'm going to try to do it without the epidural.

#drstrangemom   Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 13, 2014 5:45PM

No Boning After Atoning

Robin and I will be celebrating our thirty-fourth anniversary this month.

And by "celebrating", I mean I will be preparing myself for Yom Kippur. The Day of Atonement. Party on.

Nothing says "happy anniversary" like fasting, coming face to face with your darkest transgressions, and exposing your vulnRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 6, 2014 8:00PM

Morning Revelation #1

My eyesight is poor, my skin shows signs of wear and tear, I have to use those big ass pin bone tweezers to pluck my chin whiskers, I return to the same place every Spring, and I am helplessly attracted to big shiny silver dangly things. I am highly regarded for… Read full post »
AUGUST 14, 2014 6:05PM

The King And I

Ah me.

Here it is, August, and I've nothing to show for it.

Oh, I made some decent stabs at things this summer, got some shit done, returned a couple of phone calls, but all in all, I'm still waiting - in a existential sense -  for my coffee to kickRead full post »

AUGUST 3, 2014 1:01AM

Hunger Games

So, Mom wants me to pull the plug on her when the time comes. She doesn't think Karen will do it.

"I'm just worried it will be too hard for Karen," she told me, "and she won't be able to let me go. I'm counting on you because Karen is so...youRead full post »

JULY 19, 2014 11:12PM

Second Best In Breed

I wish you had been on my walk with me today. I wrote the BEST blog post. In my head.

I said to Phila, "okay, don't let me forget this. I'm going to tell it to you." And I did.

She cracked up. It was really a great post. We hadRead full post »

JULY 15, 2014 8:18PM

(Not) Getting To Know You

Oh God. Robin's birthday is tomorrow and, so far, all I've done about it is write this  sentence. And eat two slices of carrot cake I found in the back of the freezer. To get in a festive mood. For Robin's birthday tomorrow.

I have no idea what to get RobinRead full post »

JULY 10, 2014 4:26PM

Kardashiageddon

So, first of all, there's this:

I get to my Dr. Strangemom site by Googling "Typepad". I've been doing it that way for, like, nine years. I know it's probably a circuitous route, but I'm a technoboob and don't know any other way to do it. It's probably tantamount to goingRead full post »

MARCH 25, 2014 1:21PM

My Million Dollar Idea

I have got to come up with my million dollar idea soon. I only have $34.00 in my checking account.

I really thought my big idea of the drive-through salad bar was going to be my ticket outta here. Dig it: you pull in, they give you a bowl and aRead full post »

FEBRUARY 9, 2014 4:35PM

House Arrest Is Best

DAY FOUR OF THE SNOWSTORM!

From what I've gleaned off of Facebook, people are ignoring the alerts to stay indoors and they are leaving their houses. In the snow and ice. To go places.

 I really don't get it.

I must have been born without the cabin fever gene because I am startingRead full post »

JANUARY 18, 2014 4:09PM

My Panda, My Self

I was listening to NPR recently, to learn a few facts that I could insert into conversation should I ever be court-ordered to go outside my house and socialize with people.

I am always on the lookout for conversation topics, as  - despite my propencity for long, drawn out essays onRead full post »

Okay.

I am giving up white bread. And white rice. And all white food.

And, please, don't go writing in to tell me how you gave us white food and now you are happy and healthy and bluebirds braid your hair in the morning. I am not interested.

I'm not doing this toRead full post »

NOVEMBER 7, 2013 7:04PM

My Mom and the Pope's Penis

Next April, when I turn 60, I will be eligible for senior services, including moving into the Jewish old age home.

This is awesome news.

A nice apartment, a restaurant on-site, a cleaning service, transporation to anywhere I want to go in Portland, and an emergency call button next to the… Read full post »

OCTOBER 29, 2013 11:45AM

Anti Bias Like Me

I have just spent seven hours at an anti-bias workshop, examining my deep-seated, unidentified racial and cultural issues, and I've come away with a revelation about myself:

I totally need to get a black friend.

Yeah, well, there is Wade, my original black friend but he's been ducking me lately. HeRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 29, 2013 5:31PM

My Health Plan

Summer is long gone but for the liver spots on my face.

I am hoping my liver spots will just connect to each other, resulting in a beautiful overall dark complexion. I am not without a low-cost beauty plan for my sixth decade. With Obamacare hanging so precariously in the balance,… Read full post »

I have a little plot of land in tony Lake Oswego. It's up in the hills, very pretty, in a nice neighborhood within walking distance to Starbucks and Bellagio's pizza.  Which will be very convenient when I move there, since I won't have a car as I will be dead.

Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 5:35PM

Let Us Number Our Minutes

What with Yom Kippur being just around the corner, I have taken a moment to reflect upon my life. And so, in the spirit of numbering my days, I gone back and calculated a few things. 

I present to you, my Jewish year 5773 in minutes:

Minutes I spent this

Read full post »
AUGUST 25, 2013 6:25PM

Smighty Mouse Is On Her Way

The Atonement clock is ticking. Yom Kippur is just weeks away. I am going to have to begin my apologies in the next few days if I'm going to get around to everyone. It's been a busy year. Lots of assholes. 

Oh wait. I'm supposed to atone because I was the asshole. Damn./Read full post »

JULY 29, 2013 4:32PM

The Fifty Percent Solution

Oh my GAWD. Robin is such a baby.

All I said to him yesterday was, "About 50% of the time, I wish you were dead", and he cannot let it go. All day long - at the hardware store, at lunch, at the river -  he's all, "really? You wish

Read full post »
JUNE 29, 2013 1:37PM

Sticks and Stoned

Nina and David are coming up to visit next week. And may I just say, YAHOO.

We have begun planning. Nina emailed this morning to say that all she wants to do is lie around on the back deck chaise lounges and eat sushi. I am exceedingly relieved to hear

Read full post »
JUNE 27, 2013 10:46PM

The Old Ladies And The Sea

Sometimes - coming out of the shower and catching a glimpse of my naked self, for instance - a great notion is born. Like, to get rid of mirrors in the bathroom. Or blind myself with an ice pick. 

Last week, however, I had a new notion:

A water aerobics

Read full post »
JUNE 13, 2013 8:46PM

Taking /Buying Stock

I recently heard that an old boyfriend of mine is getting divorced after twenty-two years of marriage, and he is going to be paying his wife in excess of many, many, many thousands of dollars per month in alimony. I am heartbroken over this news.

I could use many thousands

Read full post »