Being new here in Open Salon and never having done a post, I considered it a great honor when Tinkertink69 agreed to answer some questions I stole off Nanatehay's interview post from last night. I flew into Fargo this morning and met the man himself, and he answered the questions over coffee and aperitifs, after which we retired to his faux Turkish bath house and Jacuzzi.  He's the most godlike and magnetic man I've ever met, and I soon had him squeezing his testicles and clucking like a chicken, but I won't go into more detail than that because a lady never kisses and tells.

Tink and I right before we commenced with the wallering around.

And now, Tinkertink69 in his own words, the art film.

Why do you write?

For the fame, the fortune, the hot ladies who stand outside my home weeping because I just flashed them from my huge bedroom windows.

Seriously, I write for me and the joy it gives me. I write for a form of therapy.

I also write as part of my early release from prison deal. Moving on.

What authors have influenced your writing?

God, I don't know, this is a good question but its hard to answer without sounding all 'tape recorded' answer.

I read everything from the cyberpunk fiction of William Gibson to the humorist such as Dave Barry to 'Public feasted on' of Tom Clancy.

Pretty much any writer can and does influence me. So I guess, the world citizen(Or Larry Flynt if I have to pick one!)

What people or circumstances or events in your life have influenced your writing?

My parents and family, both biological and by marriage. I know that sounds corny but its the truth.

For god sake, my pop owns a historic brothel in Butte, Montana which is haunted by a lot of spirits, including at least two madams.

Also, my life in general. I work for a casino in the middle of a corn field which provides me lots of characters to write about.

Also the baseball to the head in 3rd grade. Yeah.

What were we talking about?

Why did you first join Open Salon?

I heard there were lots of hot babes on here.

Okay, the real story, one night, I was watching The IT Crowd on IFC(Independent Film Channel --- good movies and shows on there. Highly recommened!) and afterwards, this ad came up for Open Salon. It was like, "If you write a blog and nobody reads it, does it matter..." or something like that. I jotted down the address and that same night I signed up and had my 1st post added.

It was just going to start out as a joke, some post about my life as a geeky ass computer operator living in my parents' basement drinking grape Shasta soda. You know, something to get the babes interested.

But instead, I started writing as a vampire, between 2 and 3 am after I got off work and was done cruising my por..I mean...bibilical websites.

And here I am, now King of the Gutter, and damn proud of it. And even have an EP to show for my 1000s of articles all written badly under the influence of sleepy time meds.

 What do you like best about being a member of the community here?

The people, most of them are beyond wonderful. Some are even sexy in that naughty kind of way(they know who they are!! And they can start blushing when they realize who they are!).

I love how everyone comes to together and befriends one another, not based on race, sex, or ability to hack government computers, but just based on words, and how sexy their one eye is.

 What do you like least about it?

Not enough Dr. Amy on the cover with her great stories about masturbation and how it effects the North American fruit bat. She writes from the heart.

Or Yahoo!Medical. Moving on.

That and not enough stories about North Dakota and tripping tales of dreams, wet or otherwise, on the cover.

I think everyday there should be at least one cover story about pirates and their love interests as well.

Name some of your favorite writers in OS and say something about why they’re your favs.

Tough one. So many good and/or favorite writers. I'll try to name a few but this definitely is not a complete list. For that, just go to my Friend List, start at the top and work your way to the bottom.

--- fireeyes --- She writes from the heart and can keep up with us assholes that make up the Gutter Krew Male Club. She also has the best Louisville Slugger and well, if I had to be stuck in a closet with someone, I'd want that person to be my wife. But if she wasn't available, then I'd want fireeyes.

--- Cap'n Parrotdead --- Argh, he's a good cap'n, son of a bitch won't rate a post no matter what, but he'll comment with the best of them. He's also a good read. Even his serious posts will get a Tink approval rating of 9.9 but Tink reads the Cap'n for his quiche recipes and tales of woos and lust.

--- Trig Palin --- What can be said about Trig that hasn't been said by twenty thousand screaming cheerleaders and strippers. I cannot add much more except Trig is one of those guys I think of as a brother and sometimes, I get aroused by pictures of his grandmother Sarah.

--- LuisG --- His tales make me cry, real tears, another of the serious writers Tink reads and rates and comments on a regular basis. I mention him also as being not only a fan of my humorous pieces, but one of the regular pushers to keep me writing and posting. Part of the late night writers' club that has grown up here on Open.

---AnniThyme --- Best Dr. Pepper sponsor EVER! Her writing ain't half bad either.

--- Natalie B --- One of my first readers and commenters. She's another one of the serious piece writers I read on here when she posts. If it hadn't been for her commenting on my earlier pieces, I probably would have gathered my stuff and left. So yeah, you can blame her.

--- nanatehay --- God, who could forget nana, his words of encouragement still ringing in my ear when he said, "Kid, you need to add more pussy (cats) in your posts!" and those words still hold true now as they did when I first started here way back when, something like 12 pages of articles later. He's part of that Gutter Krew and one of only three folks(including myself) who can change their sex on command. I love you nanatehay, along with the rest of the Gutter Krew. You are the glue that is toxic to the environment.

--- Dorinda Fox --- First commenter on my first post ever. And well, I think even though she told me she probably wouldn't read my erotic pieces, may have commented on some of my more 'erotic neurotic' pieces. Yes, you can blame her too for me staying. :)

God, I have too many to list, Bob Conner, Larry Lawson, JavaJane, like I said, hit my friend list and go to each of them on there, read, comment and rate, you won't be dissatisified!

Describe what you do when you’re getting ready to write, any little rituals and preparation you go through.

I first go to my place, my land of imagination, also known as Fargo, North Dakota. There I meet all of my friends, the good, the bad, the indifferent.

I then masturbate for 3 hours. Get all the blood flowing to the right head. Then at 3am, I begin to write.

For like ten minutes. Then I hit the submit button.

Then I go to bed and repeat the process the next day.

What besides writing do you feel passionately about?

I feel passionately about saving the world from self destruction. The environment. The human tendency towards war and hurting each other, killing if the hurting doesn't get a good response.

I feel passionately about preserving our history, to remember our past so we don't end up and repeat the stupid stuff.

I also like to view porn. Moving on.

Name something that you haven’t yet done which you’d like to do before you die.

Have sex. No wait, to see my name on a cover of a published book right next to Jack Ginger in the book store shelf. Been published, just not on the cover or on the bookshelf. Want both.

What would you like others to know about you as a writer or person that you feel has not been adequately presented through your previous posts?

I would like for them to know I can write seriously if I really have to, but I don't like to do that. Either that or I'm in love with that fellow on the local evening news. He's got nice hair.

Do you think the Obama administration will succeed in averting complete financial ruin?

My stance is it took a lot of years to fuck up this country and the world. Obama hasn't even been in office for a 100 days.

I knew the man wouldn't piss out rubies and diamonds during his administration nor will he be the savior to end all saviors. It's going to take time, its going to take team work, not just between the White House and the Congress, but with everyone, giving a little faith that maybe soon, the economy will spring back, in time, that maybe, just maybe there will be a rainbow in the sky after the massive storm we're facing. We'll make it through my friends, through the storm, over the mountains, and down into the valleys, we will make it I can say.

And to end on a less serious note, we'll have pop corn and drink Dr. Pepper. And if you don't like either, GET OUT OF MY DREAM SPEECH YOU GOD DAMN COMMUNIST!!!

 

Do you think the war in Afghanistan is winnable or not? Please explain the reasons for your answer.

The war is winnable, enough weapons and troops and I could win any war. Is the peace winnable and/or achievable? I don't know. Maybe.

War and Peace are two very different subjects. I'd rather win at peace then win at war.

Moving on.


 

Describe what you would consider to be a perfect day.

The perfect day starts as I wake up from a good night's sleep. I get out of bed after making love to my wife and mistress and their sisters to have a grand breakfast of scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, some sausage and a glass of orange juice.

I think take myself on a long walk through the meadows and forest, doing some nature spotting and maybe stopping by the creek and just watch the stream bubble by.

I get home for another round of hot, wild passionate sex with the above mentioned folks and then take a nice hot bath, with smellem good bubbles.

I then have a nice lunch. Something light. Then watch a little television, something on the history channel, maybe Discovery.

I then jump online for some game time. Or porn. I'm still a sex addict in the perfect day.

I then fall asleep after another round of whoopie, to wake up again to repeat the process.