The billionaire who wants Rick Santorum to be president (and is ponying up the money to make that happen) says "“You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”

Thank you, Foster Friess, for… Read full post »

I had an odd dream last night.  In it, I was tied with silk cords across a giant wheel of triple cream brie.  There may or may not have been a Princess Leia-type metal bikini involved, but I do remember that George Clooney, Kurt Cobain, Charlize Theron and Henry Kissinge… Read full post »

To sum up the OS cover I just now experienced:  

Oh, someone please help me, my gerbil died and people at Wal-Mart look at me funny!

OK.

I guess that's alright.  

But...  people want to read shit like this why?

I've been away for… Read full post »

I love my mother very much, but when I was a child she would sometimes drink gin and call me a piglet while making these awful, swinish squealing noises.  Daddy ( or Justin as I called him because he was just the latest in a long string of Momma… Read full post »

I'm a little confused. Trying to parse the orders handed down, the best I can come up with is that, apparently, the feed must be kept clear for... what?  Dust-ups are not allowed if there is something else deemed more important by the self-appointed arbiters of Open Salon correctness?… Read full post »

I search every day for new blogs to read and subscribe to.  So far, I've found about a dozen, like this one, written by a Welsh-Armenian woman in Passaic, or  this one, written by a young Inuit woman, or this, by a woman whose wit and charm never fail to amuse me.… Read full post »

 My soul is a mirror

Reflecting only broken dreams

And madness 

A cracked doppelganger

Of endless solitude

My soul is a darkened dwelling

Remote from warmth 

Knowing not the giddiness of  joy

Whipped by a chill wind of  despair

On th… Read full post »

fuckmuppet; fuck·mup·pet (fkmpt) noun

1. pejorative, usually meaning "smarmy, self-righteous whiner"  

2. alternately,  "passive aggressive hypocrite"

 3. an anatomically correct version of any character from "Sesame Street"

Exa… Read full post »

I've left the same comment  ab0ut 20 times this evening on someone's blog. The person keeps deleting it, so I decided to go ahead and post it here so I'll  get a chance to say my two cents. I do  get that we all have the right to delete whatever we feel like from… Read full post »

I won't be played for a fool, and I won't be strung along for a moment longer while he waits on his "divorce papers" to go through. Since he declined to heed my warnings, since he won't take my advice to quit his job and move to Milwaukee to kick the… Read full post »

A jury has found Linda Marie Naggs,  a professional dancer, not guilty of raping a man at a bachelor party.

Ms. Naggs, who uses the stage name Tiffany, was hired by the plaintiff to perform an X-rated show called "Anal" at his friend's bachelor party. Naggs' lawyer, Paul Higham,… Read full post »

Pt.1: Dana

I'm not good at being nice, so I'll keep this short and to the point. I did a piece several days ago which was a parody of a post by fellow OSer Dana D. I wasn't parodying Dana, I was parodying one particular post, and my main motivation in doing so was to… Read full post »

I have to say, I am definitely more than my tits and ass and cunt and penis. In fact, now and then I have to check to make sure they are still there. Because here’s the thing; as perfect as my tits and ass and cunt and penis are, my… Read full post »

 at the risk of appearing paranoid (which doesn't phase me.  by all means, go ahead, i've got balls the size of Neptune), i posit that Jane Smithie is not just some blogger who blogs for the fun of it.  i posit that she is paid to write the blogs she writ… Read full post »

Being new here in Open Salon and never having done a post, I considered it a great honor when Tinkertink69 agreed to answer some questions I stole off Nanatehay's interview post from last night. I flew into Fargo this morning and met the man himself, and he answered the questions over coffee… Read full post »