Seriously what is my problem, since moving from a 1300 square foot house to this tiny apartment in August of last year, I have had no energy what so ever. Every day is struggle with me. Its getting worse each day. I have no get up and go, no motivation, things I use to do for entertainment just bore the heck out of me. I would much rather sleep, become one with the couch or the bed then do anything else.
I know that my mental illness's can be a major factor in the way I'm feeling. Seriously, I have always been able to snap myself out of a funk like this, so why not now? Is it something in the apartment making me sick? Right after we moved we encountered all kinds of mold, mildew, nasty disgusting smells that we didn't notice upon 'looking' at the apartment. Is it all the noise exhausting me? I have PTSD and am very sensitive to noise. Trust me here there is no peace and quiet.
Is it my medication? I'm now taking 160 mg of propanolol a day along with 5 mg of abilify and my anxiety medication when I need it. So far since filling my anxiety med I haven't needed it. Is it that I am no longer smoking real cigarettes but an electric one. Everyone is so proud of me for switching. I find that I don't smoke that as much as I do a real one.
Seriously, what is causing this? The weather? Here lately its been gray and gloomy with only a few days of warm and sunshine. Have I now developed that S.A.D. disorder? This type of weather never bothered me before. Well that I can remember anyway. I know at our old house (before it was stolen from us) I didn't get this bad. Is it the size of the apartment? Going from a huge place with plenty of room to roam, relax, play, not feeling claustrophobic to now feeling like the walls are slowly moving in on me. I call this place our match box apartment, with all the noises it exhausts me. Is that my problem?
I've been to the Dr. and he can't seem to 'find the cause', he put me on B-12 tablets, which only seems to make me more tired. My blood pressure isn't doing to good, hence the reason for the higher dosage of my propanolol. For the life of me, my abilify puts me to sleep no matter when I take it. Then I only sleep for a few hours. B wakes me up every time he gets up during the night. Which I am sure isn't helping me. I go to bed tired and wake up tired, spend my entire day tired and ready to sleep.
Going to the Dr. up here is a waist of money and time. He truly doesn't care, trust me, his mannerisms says all that he feels. Is it my high altitude sickness returning? I don't feel like I did when it first reared it's ugly head in 1996. Seriously what is my problem? The environment I now live in, the altitude, is it just my mental illness taking the paths that most people with my diagnosis takes. Should I just stop fighting it and accept it, deal with it and move on? I do know I am sick and tired of being bored, with being bored and tired. Having no want, desire, or motivation to get out of bed or off the couch. Its actually pissing me off this mood that I have been in for months now........