Jack keeps terrorists from reaching the light at the end of the tunnel

24 has been in the news lately, starting back in December when Twentieth Century Fox passed on the most recent script for a potential 24 feature film. Then, last week, Kiefer Sutherland enthusiastically reassured everyone that the movie was moving forward and that principal photography would start by the end of 2011. Unfortunately, Fox quickly came out in rebuttal, announcing that Sutherland was being far too optimistic. For now, it appears that, even though Fox and Imagine Entertainment are actively working on getting the project off the ground, there is no script in the works and no writer officially on board.

So that got me thinking: why is it so hard to get a good 24 script? The more I thought about this question, the more I realized that it is, indeed, a difficult task. To start with, there's the problem of format: do you go with real time, do you squeeze twenty-four hours into two, or do you ignore those conventions altogether? Then you get into questions about how to make a compelling and exciting story that stays true to the show without feeling like a rehash of old ideas. How can you up the scope and scale of the danger, when the show already pushed that envelope to the breaking point? There are a lot of things to juggle when contemplating these problems, and after giving it plenty of thought, I'd like to share a few ideas I have come up with.

"Seriously, man, stop calling me."

I know I've been a little hard on 24 in the past when I offered up a similar list of things I didn't want the writers to do in the show's last season. Even though I urge you not to take me too seriously and know that I am trying to offer these suggestions with the utmost humility and respect, I do believe that the eighth season of 24 would have been better if they'd followed more--though not necessarily all--of my advice. Besides, I do this because I love the property. 24 is one of the best shows to ever grace the small screen, and my only wish is that it can find as much greatness on the big one. It's unfortunate, therefore, that Kiefer doesn't seem interested in returning my calls.

As usual, I disclaim that these are just the rantings of a fanboy. I will probably enjoy the movie, assuming it ever gets made and regardless of how the reality matches up to my expectations. I do not assume that I know better than the writers and filmmakers who will actually work on the film. Like I said, I do this because I love the property, not because I distrust the people who work on it.

#1. Events Do Not Occur in Real Time

If you put your watch on the underside, it's easier to check the time while shooting people

Real time is a fun gimmick, and it worked great for a show that had twenty-four hours to work with. However, when you are restricted to a mere two hours, real time becomes a severe hindrance.

There have been movies that have used it successfully, like 1995's Nick of Time or Hitchcock's Rope, but those films work because their stories are simple. 24, on the other hand, is always complex, with layers upon layers of intrigue balanced atop a series of different human relationships. The made-for-television 24: Redemption is a good example of why the real time gimmick should be left behind for the big screen; while the story was good, it was simple and the intrigue was all set-up for the season that followed rather than self-contained plotting.

A big screen 24 should probably take place over the course of twenty-four hours, if for no other reason than to justify the title. You could come up with some other, clever connection to the number twenty-four, but fans likely won't be impressed by that.

#2. Keep it Personal for Jack

If you must put Kim in danger, just don't rely on cougar traps

In order to draw Jack out, it is imperative to give him the proper motivation. The simplest and most emotionally satisfying way of doing this is to put someone Jack cares about in danger, and the obvious choices of Kim and Chloe come to mind immediately. Still, I'd prefer someone a little more subtle.

My choice is Keith Palmer, the late President's son. Jack doesn't really know Keith, but because of his deep respect for Keith's father, he would gladly put his life on the line again if it meant protecting David Palmer's son. This doesn't address more practical matters of how Jack would get involved or why he would need to be, but it does give him plenty of drive and offers a tangible connection to the late David Palmer. Besides, it also offers the writer or writers a chance to explore a character we haven't heard from in many years, to see how Keith has evolved in the aftermath of losing both parents and an uncle. The character has aged enough that you could even recast him, if need be.

The main point here is that there has to be something personal in it for Jack, because if there's one thing we learned during the show's run, it's that the personal stories are always superior to the impersonal ones.

#3. Keep Cameos to a Minimum

"I just want to deliver two lines!"

There are lots of old characters I'd love to see again, like Charles Logan, Chase Edmunds, Mandy, Audrey Raines, Tony Almeida, Morris O'Brian, etc., but I don't want the writers to feel obligated to include as many as possible. There are certain characters who absolutely should be included (Chloe O'Brian and Aaron Pierce, for example), but if the story starts a revolving door policy for every living character in the 24 universe, the movie will get bogged down by it and won't have enough time for any serious character development.

This happened a little too frequently on the show, even though they had two dozen episodes per season to work with. Those moments show us that the writing often strains under the pressure of finding justifications for certain characters to reappear. Tony's resurrection, ex-President Logan's first return, Nina just happening to show up in the second and third seasons, and other similar moments are too ridiculous to get away with in the movie.

One of the rules of good writing is to avoid coincidence as much as possible, and it is almost impossible to include half a dozen cameos without there being a few coincidences. Besides, getting all the actors together again can be a headache, both logistically and financially, and if you want to keep the executives happy, you have to consider these things.

#4. Make it International

Jack was recently spotted by a cell-phone camera in Japan (the man who took the photo is missing three fingers)

Jack Bauer's exploits are not exclusive to the United States of America, though he absolutely defends American values everywhere he goes. At the close of the show, he is wanted by the Russian government and has crimes to answer for in China, Great Britain, and elsewhere. In his past, he worked black ops all over the globe, and there's no telling how many places his fingerprints could get him into trouble. To top it all off, he's also wanted by the United States government yet again, meaning that he'd be on the run at the start of the story.

So, with the help of a big screen budget and the luxury of time and location shooting, it only makes sense to have the story be international. We've seen Jack in Africa and Mexico, but it'd be interesting to see him in other contexts like Europe, Asia, or South America. Of course the story would eventually have to bring him back to the states, but the rest of it could span other locales to lend the movie a taste of epicness and global importance.

#5. Make it Relevant

It's called a visual metaphor, people

Since the show premiered with an episode featuring an exploding airplane in September of 2001, it has always been tapped into America's veins, reflecting many of our anxieties and concerns and exploring them with oddly prescient gusto. The show has portrayed terrorists that are foreign and domestic, has unleashed images from our nightmares like a nuclear mushroom cloud over a populated city and a hotel falling victim to a brutal biological attack, and has never been afraid to ponder the moral implications or necessity of torture and murder in the most extreme of conditions. The show portrayed a black president six years before there was one in real life, explored the wisdom of attacking a foreign nation on the basis of shoddy intelligence while the nation was considering the seemingly inevitable invasion of Iraq, and asked very serious questions about how far we can go to get intelligence on our enemies when things like Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, and waterboarding were on the front pages of every newspaper.

There should be a central thematic idea for the movie that is based somewhere in this maelstrom of American consciousness and it should absolutely be relevant to right now. This is an important part of the 24 formula, and as such, it cannot be ignored.

#6. Moral and Political Ambiguity is Crucial

"Yep, I've tortured both Republicans and Democrats. What of it?"

At the same time, however, the movie shouldn't let its message be black and white. Jack Bauer lives in a perpetual grey area, doing horrible things for a greater good and absolutely believing that, when the stakes are at their highest, the ends justify the means. Still, he has repeatedly shown a willingness to answer for his crimes and even be punished for them. This is part of the paradox that is Jack Bauer: he is an unrepentant criminal, but he respects the rule of law above all else and is ready to be judged by the system he fights so hard to protect.

The show never really takes a firm stand on the moral implications, often leading the audience down a certain path before pulling the rug out. In matters of politics, the show gives voice to all sorts of political leanings, but it refuses to prove any one political ideology to be more correct than the others. This is why 24 manages to be both deeply provocative and beloved by people of various political inclinations. The movie should follow suit, only taking stands on things we can all agree on while leaving everything else open to debate and interpretation.

#7. The Villain Needs to Be Memorable

I will never forget Mandy

24 has had many great villains over the years, but has also had its share of lackluster ones. For the movie, you'd need a villain who is larger than life but who's motivation is stronger than your typical bad guy.

Think of 24's best baddies (Charles Logan, Nina Myers, Sherry Palmer) and compare them to 24's lamest ones (Stephen Saunders, Phillip Bauer). The best villains have nuanced motivations and, with the exception of Nina, tend to believe they are doing what is right. The worst villains tend to have nonsensical or cartoonish reasons for allowing themselves to embrace evil.

24 is too intellectual a property to allow its villain to be motivated by simple vengeance, hatred, or greed; there has to be more to it than that. The villain should be grey enough to be a compelling character, but just evil enough to separate him in the end from Jack Bauer. In fact, the closer the villain is to being Jack Bauer, the better.

#8. You Can't Kill Jack

They couldn't before, so why do it now?

At this point, it is impossible to get away with killing off Jack Bauer. It would be like killing Dirty Harry, John McClaine, or James Bond. He has simply become too iconic and too strong a character to let him die. Naturally, you can (and should) toy with the audience and make them believe it is possible that Jack could die in the end, but he needs to limp away to reluctantly fight on another day.

Killing Bauer would be like killing a part of America at this point, and it would force the movie to end too bleakly. After all, Jack Bauer is the modern superman who cannot be replaced, so if he dies, there won't be anybody to take his place and America would crumble under the weight of all the terrorists, CTU moles, and evil government agents Jack Bauer keeps at bay on a daily basis. Besides, I'm sure the execs at Fox want Jack Bauer to live for as long as he remains profitable, so killing him off is a good way to get your script rejected.

On a related note, please don't include a younger character who can be a potential replacement somewhere down the line; that has worked exactly zero times in the history of popular story franchises.

There you have it: my humble suggestions for whomever is tasked with writing the 24 movie. Of course, if the next script gets rejected by Fox, my services are open, but they probably can't afford me.